


Baby I'll Rule (Let Me Live That Fantasy)

by komkommertijd



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Arranged Marriage, Alternate Universe - Royalty, Angst and Romance, Anxiety, Arranged Marriage, Character Development, Jealousy, Jos Verstappen's A+ Parenting, M/M, Panic Attacks, Slow Burn, Strangers to Lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-01
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:20:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 45,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22963783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/komkommertijd/pseuds/komkommertijd
Summary: The prospect of moving to Italy, far away from his father does sound like quite the advantage. Still, he does not want this, none of this."Besides", Victoria continues, "that Ricciardo guy does look hot so consider yourself lucky. I have to admit I'm kind of jealous, brother."Well, that's new.
Relationships: Alexander Albon/George Russell, Daniel Ricciardo/Max Verstappen, Kimi Räikkönen/Sebastian Vettel, Lando Norris/Carlos Sainz Jr, Nico Hulkenberg/Kevin Magnussen
Comments: 284
Kudos: 388





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my attempt at writing something I actually like for once and I feel as if it turned out just fine.  
> I have never written anything about royals or arranged marriage or just weddings in general before, so if there are any mistakes, please forgive me (most of this is based on the royal wedding from 2018, sue me). This also applies to grammatical and spelling errors for English is not my first language.  
> Anyways, have fun reading this mess and thanks to all the kind souls that continue to support me by writing comments and just reading this in general, I'm really #blessed.  
> Now, enjoy it :)
> 
> The title is from Lorde's Royals (obviously), for people wondering.  
> (Kudos to my lovely beta Grammarly, a program that does a good job at being a substitute for actual friends, thank you very much.)

Max sighs when he looks into the mirror in front of him and he is still not convinced of what he sees there.

Victoria steps next to him and although he can watch her every move in the mirror he flinches when she rests her hand on his shoulder. He has to admit that his sister looks really pretty in her dress and his collar suddenly feels way too tight around his throat, cutting off his airflow and making it hard to breathe. Max feels like he's drowning when the realization of the situation hits him again, coming in waves that he never learned to swim through. 

"Can't you marry him instead?"

He knows the question is stupid, he knows the answer, knows that it has to be him and he hates it. Next to him Victoria shakes her head and removes her hand from his shoulder. It leaves a warm imprint and he finally manages to tear his eyes away from himself in the mirror and averts his gaze to stare at the floor instead. He fights the tears of anger rising in his eyes and tries to focus on his breathing pattern to avoid letting his frustration out on his sister. It's a trait he inherited from his father and he's not particularly proud of it.

"I can't and you know that. You're the direct heir to the throne so it's you who has to do it. Trust me, our father is not happy about it either, considering the circumstances, but there's no other way. We need an ally in Europe and considering that Palermo and Rotterdam have two of this continent's most important ports Italy seemed like the perfect fit."

She just repeats what Max already knows and he nods his head bitterly. At least he doesn't have to marry that Carlos guy from Spain, they get along fine but there's no way he would ever do that. The prospect of moving to Italy, far away from his father does sound like quite the advantage. Still, he does not want this, none of this.

"Besides", Victoria continues, "that Ricciardo guy does look hot so consider yourself lucky. I have to admit I'm kind of jealous, brother."

Well, that's new.

Max decides to roll his eyes and he sighs before giving his sister a slight smile. He appreciates her efforts at making him feel more comfortable in his situation. Sometimes he doesn't know what he would do without her. They look at each other in the mirror, the different shades of blue in their eyes clashing like the raw waves of the ocean. Max knows that he will miss her so much when he is forced to move away, the only person in the world who truly understands him. Her features soften at his anxious expression and something inside of Max's chest hurts.

He nods at his reflection, determination running through his veins and he breathes in and out slowly, grounding himself and telling himself that he has to do this. He has to do it for his people, the ones his father treats so badly, the ones that love him and cheer for him and his actions. He is going to secure their future and economic growth and they will be able to feed their families and never suffer from the cold winters again. He is going to make everything right for the sake of his people.

Max is the one who has to pick up the pieces his father leaves behind him on his way of destroying everything around him.

He has to do this for Victoria, his dear sister he loves so much. He cannot disappoint her, the princess who looks at him with so much love in her eyes. He wants her to be happy and he can only make sure of that by agreeing to the marriage and the pact that comes with it. It's up to him to be a hero now and push his anger and sadness away for the sake of the people he loves the most.

Fanfares.

The heavy door opens.

Max's world starts spinning.

_I can't do this._

Daniel Ricciardo does look handsome, Max concludes when he walks down the aisle to the sound of a singer's voice and the bowed string instruments accompanying her, and the thought makes him want to laugh and break down crying at the same time. It's ridiculous and he wants to turn around and run away. All of it is a mess and once he stands next to Italy's crown prince it's over for him. He will not be able to escape this anymore if he steps up there and says the cursed words that will bind him to this pact.

The silver crown sitting on top of his hair suddenly feels heavy and hurts his head. All eyes are on him and he feels the panic creeping up his back, making his legs feel heavy and every step harder than the last one. The music in the church almost annoys him by now, way too positive and calm to match his current feelings, like a tiny boat in the crashing waves of the raging ocean. 

He remembers how close his father was to biting his head off when he declared that he would walk down the aisle alone, for he did not want to get handed over from one man to the next. He never felt more scared than that night and his cheek still stings when he thinks of it now. But he is walking alone now, with his head held high and confidence visible in his eyes, the determination he felt earlier giving him the strength to pull through and play happy family for the sake of their countries. Plus, there were cameras watching his every move and broadcasting the event around the world, why anyone would even want to watch a wedding ceremony on tv was beyond him.

When he finally arrives next to Daniel and hands his flower bouquet to the children that accompanied him, Max feels nervous rather than angry and the confidence almost leaves him for a second. 

But then Daniel smiles at him and Max knows that it will be okay. The Italian crown prince seems like a nice guy at least and the Dutch prince is thankful for that. Of course, he imagined meeting the person he would marry one day pretty different from the current situation, but he can't help but smile as well and feel as if it is okay. Which it isn't because neither he nor Daniel made this decision for themselves. The music has not stopped yet and Max almost groans.

He just wants to get this over with.

"Hey, it's nice to finally meet you. Although I admit this might be very short notice. I'll introduce myself properly, later on, I promise", Daniel whispers, barely loud enough for Max to hear over the noise coming from the instruments. He can't help but chuckle at that and he nods lightly, not really able to reply with words, too awestruck by how chill Daniel seems in this situation. He feels rude for not replying though, so he blurts out the first thing that comes to his mind and the Italian prince flashes him another wide smile at the compliment. Max feels stupid, Daniel surely knows that he's handsome already.

His thoughts get interrupted and the music stops. Max's heart almost skips a beat when Daniel gently reaches for his hand and laces their fingers together, gently squeezing Max's hand in reassurance and to calm him down. It goes almost unnoticed, just a small gesture between them and maybe for the cameras to pick up, but to Max, it means a lot more. He hasn't held anyone's hand before besides his mom's and Victoria's. He decides to focus on the priest instead who is now talking about the meaning of marriage and as soon as the good feeling came it leaves again. Max feels a little sick at the words and their meaning and it hurts him that all of this is just show.

Max wanted someone to look at him with love and warm affection in his eyes, someone who fought back tears at the sight of him walking down the aisle and someone to love him unconditionally, but what he gets instead is an arranged marriage with the crown prince of Italy because his father sucks and so does his politics. It hurts, the craving for actual love and Max had to hold his own tears back again now. Daniel of course notices and just holds his hand a little tighter.

It will be okay. It won't be perfect, but it will be okay and we will make it work somehow.

The priest talks about love, trust, loyalty, and union in heart, body, and mind and Max feels the anger and disappointment fighting their way back to the top. It feels so wrong, doing this without actually knowing each other, without knowing each other's fears or dreams. It's wrong and Max can't do anything about it. He wants to vomit when the next chant begins and he is forced to sing along and Daniel's voice sounds soft and comforting next to him. This is so wrong and Daniel is way too relaxed as if he doesn't even care that this part of his freedom, the free choice of who he wants to love and marry, who he wants to spend the rest of his life with, is going to be taken away soon. 

"Come on, Max. Smile for the cameras."

He's surprised that this sentence is coming from Daniel and doesn't accidentally tumble from his own lips. So he's really just a better actor than Max but still, the Dutch prince cannot bring himself to think that Daniel is way more okay with this than him. When the priest asks for anyone to speak up if there was a reason for them not to get married, Max feels horrible for wanting someone to speak up, maybe Victoria, maybe his mom, maybe just someone random but at least someone. Max bites his tongue when the priest asks the two of them whether they know a reason to avoid screaming. Screaming about so many reasons and the doubt and everything he has worried about for the past months leading up to this and he looks down when a single tear escapes his eye. Daniel keeps smiling at the priest and Max somehow hates him for being so emotionally distanced from it all.

"Daniel, will you take Max to be your husband? Will you love him, comfort him, honor and protect him and, forsaking all other, be faithful to him as long as you both shall live?"

Max can hear the way Daniel takes a deep breath before opening his mouth to speak and weirdly enough it comforts him, the tiny second of uncertainty and hesitation. He's fighting with himself and his own conscience as well but then he wins and Max's heart sinks.

"Yes, I will."

The Dutch prince is sure he has never heard anyone sound so confident about an answer ever before. Daniel speaks loud yet calmly, the determination Max felt earlier now audible in his voice. He's back to smiling just a second later and Max hates the few seconds of silence before the priest turns to face him. The realization that this is quite literally his last chance to say no to this whole thing knocks the air out of his lungs.

"Max, will you take Daniel to be your husband? Will you love him, comfort him, honor and protect him and, forsaking all others, be faithful to him as long as you both shall live?"

He wants to say no, he does not want to do that because he doesn't love Daniel, he has not even met him until maybe ten minutes ago. He wants to say no so badly, wants to let go of Daniel's hand and run until he reaches a place where no one would ever find him. He would much rather die alone than together with someone he doesn't love. He wants to say no.

No, no, no.

_No._

"I will."

At least he doesn't say yes, so it only feels like half of a lie. Of course, he will, it's his job and his responsibility as a member of the royal family. He does not say yes, he doesn't agree to love him and trust him but he will honor him and do whatever it takes to keep his people safe. It's not like Daniel is doing something else anyway. He can hear the crowd of people cheer outside and Daniel chuckles lowly and Max knows that he is doing the right thing for his country, even if he doesn't feel like it.

"And will you, the families and friends of Daniel and Max, support and uphold them in their marriage now and in the years to come?"

The murmuring in the church is loud and clear and Max is aware that most of them know the importance behind this marriage, behind the pact that comes with it and the positive consequences for their countries but not their sons and friends in front of the crowd. It feels sickening. They will not support them, they didn't do that, to begin with. If they truly supported their love, which is no there at all, they would not force them to do this right now.

They pray for Daniel and Max, for mutual love and companionship, for their commitment to each other and for a never-ending bond between them and once again, Max is close to tears. But not tears of joy like the ones in his mother's eyes. Daniel is still holding his hand when he helps him to sit down and then he lets go and Max feels relieved and scared at the same time. 

There's more speeches about love and it's meaning they have to listen to as if they are trying to guilt-trip the royals. There's words about love being the only way and love being power and it hurts and makes Max drown, so he does the only logical thing and grabs Daniel's hand again. He doesn't love Daniel, but Victoria is not there to hold his hand and the Italian crown prince looks at him with surprise and then understanding and he laces their fingers together to keep Max from drowning.

Daniel sure is a nice guy.

He holds Max's hand just a little bit tighter again when the choir starts singing and if they were in love, Max thinks he might be crying at the lyrics right now. Daniel doesn't love him, Daniel can't even logically love him and the way he holds on to Max's hand feels as if he also craves that feeling of truly loving someone. Max doubts that it will be him.

"Daniel and Max", the priest breaks the silence when the two of them are standing in front of him and facing each other, Max's hands resting in the gently hold of Daniel's, "I now invite you to join hands and make your vows in the presence of God and his people."

Daniel looks down at their hands and smiles softly before he looks back up at Max. He clears his throat quietly and Max can feel his hands slightly trembling. It's difficult for him as well, standing in front of all those people and speaking words that do not truly come from his heart.

"I, Daniel, take you, Max, to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, according to God's holy law; in the presence of God and this is my solemn vow."

He repeats the priest's words, he doesn't think too hard about it, he basically says the same thing as Daniel. There's not much of an emotional attachment to his words and he just wants to get it over with at this point. He wishes those words could hold a special meaning to him, wishes he could say them with sincerity and not just because he is doing someone else a favor, even if it's the people from his country. Max cares about those people more than he cares about himself usually and one person suffering is better than millions, but he thinks he deserves at least some happiness in life. Not that Daniel looks like he doesn't spread happiness wherever he goes, but that is not the kind of happiness Max is craving. He's given up on the kind he wants by repeating the priest's words and he knows it.

He doesn't get a break just yet for Daniel gently takes his hand and carefully puts the silver ring on his finger. Max doesn't know whether it's him or Daniel who is trembling more now and the metal feels cool against his skin, like a cage that is supposed to confine him forever. It's just a ring, a simple little thing but it holds a meaning Max would much rather forget about.

"Max, I give you this ring as a sign of our marriage. With my body I honor you; all that I am, I give to you and all that I have, I share with you, within the love of God; Father, Son, and Holy Spirit", Dan repeats again and then the ring fits around Max's finger and the horrible feeling of realization, of knowing that this is official, settles in his stomach. It shouldn't be like this and Max is disappointed in himself and angry at his father and it feels horrible when he has to do the same and the silver shines against Daniel's tanned skin.

"In the presence of God and before this congregation, Daniel and Max have given their consent and made their marriage vows to each other. They have declared their marriage by the joining of hands and by the giving and receiving of rings. I, therefore, proclaim that they are husbands."

Daniel chuckles quietly again when the cheering of the crowd outside becomes audible at the words. Max does not chuckle. He doesn't even smile as widely as he was supposed to. Every single word felt like a punch in the guts and all he wants to do is curl up alone and cry because it feels wrong and he's horrible for feeling like that on his wedding day. He barely registers the next words and the choir, as if he is suddenly underwater where everything is slower and the sounds are much duller. Daniel gently urges him to kneel down and Max just tries to keep a straight face through the whole process of the blessing. He hates how he almost chokes on his Amen.

He sings his National Anthem with all the enthusiasm he can find inside his body and Daniel watches him with a smile on his face before it's his turn to sing. Max feels endlessly relieved when they finally get to leave, his flower bouquet back in one hand and the other one held high in Daniel's. They smile for the crowd and when he steps outside and breathes the fresh air for the first time he feels some of the sickness leave his body. He sees his people, cheering and happy and relieved. That's all that counts.

They look down on the crowd from the top step and Max really does not see it coming when Daniel gently drags him closer and kisses him.

Max has never ever kissed anyone before and it's awkward and he really doesn't know what to do and he is so shocked that he can't even protest. It's over as soon as it started and the cheering around them only grows louder. Daniel laughs and then he apologizes, quietly and just for Max to hear. Somehow it comforts him, but the feeling of having to vomit was back. Not that it is Daniel's fault entirely, no, just the realization that returns once again to mess with Max's head.

It's a nice picture, the two of them standing in the middle of the staircase now with their hands properly entwined. Their parents and sisters are standing on the top step and Victoria looks proud of her brother for not running away from the situation, the guards at the side acting as a colorful balustrade. Daniel waves at the people with his free hand and Max forces the smile back onto his face.

"So, are you ready to face the actual crowd?", Daniel asks when their wedding carriage arrives.

Max isn't ready for the crowd. He doesn't feel ready for anything.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's still alive, yay.  
> This took me forever and I don't even know why, but here's the new (and way too short) chapter.  
> First and foremost I just want to say that I have never been to Rome before (I only ever visited Sicily, Sardinia, and Bolzano, forgive me) so if my portrayal is incorrect I'm horribly sorry. I have never been to the Netherlands at all either; if the comparisons are utter trash, blame it on my travel guide and my Dutch workbook. 
> 
> I did some research on the former Italian kings and European royalty and I hope that all of this makes sense in some way. Please correct me if it isn't all that accurate, I'm always thankful for getting some help.
> 
> Also yay, new characters! :,)
> 
> Go ahead and enjoy this chapter now, thank you so much for returning here after all.
> 
> Have fun and don't kill me <3

The goodbye at the airport is awkward, to say the least. Max is bad at comforting people so he just rubs his mother's back gently while she silently cries on his shoulder. The fabric of his shirt slowly turns wet and he can see the tears form in Victoria's eyes behind them. His father is not there to send him off and he really could not care less. Leaving his home is difficult and feels wrong, but leaving his father behind feels freeing and right. 

"I'm sorry, but I think we have to hurry up a little bit. I don't want to interrupt this … heartbreaking goodbye, but we're expected to be on time and maybe we shouldn't disappoint Max's husband on the first day already", Alex interrupts the moment with a nervous cough that makes Max's mother chuckle. She lets go of her son and pats his shoulders one more time, wipes her tears away and steps back to make space for Victoria. 

Max loves his sister a lot and not knowing when he will see her again hurts especially bad. He holds her as close as he can and makes sure to let go soon, he's afraid he won't leave otherwise. Victoria has always been the one person who understood him the best, who stayed with him no matter the circumstances and loved him unconditionally. Sure, they are siblings and they sometimes argue when their opinions are different, but at the end of the day it is always them against the rest of the world. Having to leave this behind is hard and Max knows this will be his number one reason for homesickness.

"Take care of yourself, Maxy. I'll visit you as soon as I can and I hope the sunny weather will do your skin some good until then", she whispers into his ear and Max can't help but laugh quietly at that, the tears stinging in his eyes and the pain in his heart. Victoria kisses his cheeks and ruffles his hair, which she earns a glare for, and then she's gone and the world seems a little colder around Max.

Maybe it's a good thing he's moving to a warm country then.

He waves goodbye to his family, taking in the familiar sight of those trusted faces one last time before Alex urges him to move and Max is suddenly very glad that he gets to take the young security guard with him to protect and accompany him along the way. Alex checks his phone and hums some random song Max has never heard before. It's quiet besides that and Max enjoys it. He doesn't get much peace these days.

"Your uncle called from Belgium yesterday. He was not too pleased to learn about your wedding last minute. Apparently, he was planning on making a deal with the Italians as well and your father hurried to get this over with before Belgium can interfere. Your cousin though, he's happy for you and he is sorry for not attending the wedding. He said something about wanting to meet your hot husband or something like that."

Max rolls his eyes at the quote. Of course Lando would say something like this and make fun of Max's misery. Of course, because the Belgian Royal family is a house of clowns and Lando is the worst of them all. They have an okay relationship but his father hates his brother and that makes things a lot more difficult.

He sleeps through the flight, the even tapping of Alex's fingers on the keyboard of his laptop lulling him in while his servant does his presswork. He doesn't want to think about the press right now, or the public, or Italy or what's waiting there for him. Next to him, Alex sighs and stretches his legs, he seems way more comfortable with the whole situation than Max. He's used to this already, living far away from his family and all his loved ones. He came to the Netherlands when he was just eighteen years old, with little knowledge of life as a grown-up. He became Max's personal servant two years later and his friend at the same time. 

Max never had a real friend. He had his cousins in Belgium and relatives around his age in Germany, but they were family not friends. Besides the British prince, Alex is the closest he ever got to having a real friend. He is the only one not related to Max he can openly talk to about his feelings and problems. 

The touchdown in Italy feels worse than expected, not because of the pilot's skills but because of the thoughts that come with it. There won't be any family members waiting for him behind the doors of the airport and the security won't wear the Dutch flag pinned to their uniform. It feels so weird to accept this as his new normality, his every-day life. 

Hell, he can't even being to realize that he is married yet.

Max has always thought he would meet someone one day, a nice guy or girl that laughs at his jokes and hugs him when he's sad. He thought he would fall in love and spend the rest of his life with someone who makes his heart flutter, a person he loves to come home to.

Instead, he gets out of the plane on wobbly legs and he is so scared of facing Daniel that he almost vomits on the tarmac. He decides to take his own luggage for it gives him something to cling onto on his way to the exit. It's quiet in the car, Alex is tapping away on his phone and the driver simply looks at Max once in a while in the rearview mirror. He looks out of the window and watches the scenery change, the trees flying by until the arrival in the city.

He has never been to Rome before but he likes it, the view so different from what he is used to, sunnier and warmer than the cold North. The people seem just as nice and welcoming and it makes him smile a little. Maybe things won't be too bad.

Victoria has tried to calm him down for the past few days, always reassuring him that the people would be nice and the country would be beautiful. Telling him that Daniel and his family would be really nice too, kindhearted and happy to welcome Max in his new home. She told him better things than his father, whose arguments basically consisted of threads or indications that Max's feelings were irrelevant, It doesn't matter what he feels like or how uncomfortable he gets with the whole situation because he's Max and he's a prince and he has to be fine with everything. Victoria makes it seem more like those people care about Max too because they are now part of the family and they just simply aren't his dad. She gave him hope, hope that this might be a new chance for him to find a real family and someone who respects him and loves him in ways his father never did.

It's warm when he gets out of the car and the air smells like summer, the last days of spring already gifting the South with sunny days and bright colors while it is still chilly and rainy in the Netherlands. Max thinks he might get used to the weather. He might get accustomed to all those changes and new impressions.

Daniel hugs him tightly when they meet, holding Max close in his arms and smiling like he is genuinely happy to see him. He should be, they're husbands after all. Max smiles too and feels the jittery feeling leave his body when he wraps his arms around Daniel's back. They only break apart when Daniel's guard coughs.

He's a little startled when Daniel's mother hugs him as well, he's never been hugged that much by anyone besides his sister and he is thankful for the time he is granted to unpack his stuff. Daniel shows him around in his, their, apartment and Max feels oddly relieved when he's told that they won't share a bedroom. He immediately feels guilty for that thought.

Dinner with the family, his family now, goes by without any issues. The Ricciardos are kind and way less strict than Max is used to from home. He thinks his father would have glared at him for at least five times by now for holding his fork wrong. He tells the royal family about the things he enjoys and they talk about his view on politics. They agree with him to some extent or nod at his arguments at least if they don't. His father would have ripped his head off already.

Alex shows him some pictures, later on, discussing which ones would do Max's presence online some good and laughing about some where he blinked right as the picture was taken. They decide to post a picture on Instagram to show the public that Max has arrived in Italy. He looks happy, almost carefree and caught in the moment. Having his own social media account is another thing Max's father tried to but never succeeded to prevent. Alex argued that Max did a lot of things and projects without the other royals and somehow he managed to get the issue arranged and fixed. Politicians from their countries had their own accounts too, so Alex promised to keep an eye on the account and learn some more PR just so that Max could post statements and updates independent of the rest of the Dutch royals. He read through the text and advised Max on the dos and don'ts of public announcements while still trying to let the prince decide most of the things on his own.

One of those friendly pieces of advice was a request to follow the official pages of the Italian royal family. And the page that's supposed to represent him and Daniel obviously. Max didn't even dare to look at the wedding pictures, just tapped on the tiny hear underneath the posts and leaving the page as soon as he could. It's all playing pretend after all and no one needs to know about the tears he sheds over some pictures of his wedding. If anyone knew, they would think of them as happy tears anyway.

He sits at the open window of his bedroom and listens to the quiet noise of the city, letting the warm air of the night embrace him while his mind is working hard to figure the whole situation out. He can't sit on the balcony when he's on his own and he accepts that with a sigh. As if an open window was less dangerous. As if some random Italian citizen would shoot him on his first day, a pointless action. Sometimes Max wishes for someone to shoot him just to end all the sleepless nights and dark thoughts. 

Alex left an hour ago, leaving Max alone with his thoughts and anxieties. The warm air is still trying to lure him in, a soft breeze stroking his cheek, similar to the way his mother used to wipe away his tears. Max can feel them running down his face now, wetting his skin and turning cool and sticky. He hates it so much, all of it. A sob escapes his lips and gets lost in the streets of Rome, looking so peaceful and beautiful at Max's feet.

He can't fall asleep. He tries it, closes his eyes and counts sheep. He tosses and turns, adjusting his position and moving the pillow around. He tangles his legs in the thin sheets sticking to his skin and he feels like he's trapped inside a horrible nightmare. When he does fall asleep at 3 am, it takes him exactly 20 minutes before he's back awake, sitting up in his bed and breathing hard as if he almost drowned. He can still hear his father's voice screaming at him inside his head, making his ears ring. Another tear escapes and he buries his head in the pillow before the noise can alarm anyone. He sobs harder than he usually dares to, clinging to the soft fabric underneath him while his entire body is shaking with the force of his crying.

The light turns on and Max turns quiet immediately, not daring to look up. He tries to slow down his breathing in order to pretend that he's asleep. He doesn't want anyone to see him like this, miserable and tiny. It could be Alex or a guard or-

"Max? Hey, Maxy, it's okay. I'm here, it's okay."

It's even worse when Daniel sits down next to him on the bed. He feels the matress dip underneath the weight and after carefully wiping his tears away he does turn around to face his husband. It still feels weird to even think that. Daniel looks exhausted and confused and Max thinks he sees the worry in his tired eyes. 

"Can I touch you? You look like you need a hug."

Max doesn't trust his voice, his throat feeling rough and dry after screaming into the void of the pillow, so he just nods and moves to make some spaces, gesturing for Daniel to lay down. He doesn't trust his muscles to hold his weight so it seems like the better option then. He buries his head on Daniel's chest and tries to calm down, slowly relaxing into the embrace.

"I'm scared too, believe me. It's weird to deal with the whole situation and act like it's fine and real. I hate pretending and lying to the people, but I understand that it's our responsibility. You probably don't want to hear that, I'm sorry. But if it comforts you, just know that I struggle with it as well. It's not easy. I'm worried and I don't know what the future holds for us, but I really want to make this work, Maxy. I just want you to be comfortable here. I'm not saying that we definitely have to fall in love, but let's try to be friends at least, okay? I don't want you to feel alone here, this is your home too now."

He stays quiet, only sniffling a few times while Daniel runs his fingers through Max's hair. It feels oddly comforting to hear those words, knowing that they're dealing with this together. They are married, after all, they promised to help each other through hardships. 

"Nothing that's really worth it is easy", Max croaks, clearing his throat afterward. He snuggles closer to Daniel, his skin feeling hot against his own and oddly comforting, calming his nerves. Daniel's fingers are still running through his hair. It's quiet in the room, the noise in the city barely audible and Max's eyelids turn heavy to the steady rhythm of Daniel's chest moving underneath his head.

"I'll stay here tonight if you want."

Max doesn't reply, he just sighs quietly and moves his head to a more comfortable position, carefully resting his hand next to it. He keeps it in a loose fist, not daring to open it, scared that the feeling of his palm against Daniel's chest would feel too intimate.

It's stupid and he knows it.

Daniel's arm tightens around his waist and for a second Max thinks that he might get used to this at some point in the future. Maybe not yet, maybe not in the next weeks or months or years. Maybe it is just a positive side effect of his panic attacks. But he knows that Daniel will keep him safe and for that moment it feels like that might be enough.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey ho, it's me again, bet ya didn't miss me ;)
> 
> Anyway, it's 4:30 am and I should really fix my sleep pattern huh. There's not much to be said about this chapter but we need to get some basic stuff done because I'm anxious about moving too fast with this, sue me. So here you have some more anxiety and Lando's charm, I hope it's enjoyable despite being a filler chapter.
> 
> A little addition to this, "natafelen" is an untranslatable Dutch expression that literally means "to aftertable". It describes the act of staying at the table after you finish eating to continue your conversation. Just in case you were wondering what Max is talking about. I'm not Dutch myself though, so, uh, forgive me if it's not an exact explanation.
> 
> Have fun with this chapter now :)

The first few days in Italy go by well. Daniel shows Max around the Quirinale Palace three times and he still laughs when Max has no clue where to go. He argues that it's way too huge to memorize the entire layout in the course of a week. Daniel just shrugs and promises to go on more walks around the palace with him when they have the time for it.

Alex forces him to do more press work, media appearances and "becoming popular". He uploads a video of Daniel desperately trying to teach Max some Italian, which goes horribly wrong and ends in both of them laughing until they can't breathe properly. The PR assistant praises them for their good work and the stats confirm that their playful banter and their relaxed behavior makes them appear a lot more human than most royals. Especially the younger generations seem to like their authenticity. He blushes when Alex adds that the teenagers call them couple goals.

He thinks he would be okay with that if it was real and not just a show.

Daniel really makes an effort to talk to him about all the things normal couples would talk about so they can actually get to know each other and Max feels bad for not trying enough. He just doesn't find the energy to try harder, he can't lie to himself and _his husband_. It still makes him panic whenever he thinks of that title.

He's still lying in bed, not really wanting to get up and the sun is bathing his room in warm light. The windows are open to let some cool air in before the city heats up underneath the early summer sun. A gentle breeze ruffles his hair and he yawns, rubs his eyes and rolls over on the mattress. The pillow he never uses still smells faintly like Daniel and it takes him back to his first night at the palace. He sits up and gets rid of the blanket, he doesn't want to think about that. The day still has the potential to be a good one, so he doesn't want it ruined by a single thought at 8 am.

He decides to get up in the end and just as he closes the last button of his shirt the door bursts open and Daniel leans against the doorframe, a sheepish smile on his face and the sleeves of his shirt already rolled up to fight off the heat.

"Good morning, Maxy. I might have some bad news and uh, well it's a little embarrassing."

Max looks up from his wrist when he's done putting his watch around it and Daniel runs his fingers through his hair, laughing nervously.

"I think we might have to fire someone."

"What? Why?"

"Well uh, I'm pretty sure I'm wearing your underwear. Not my smartest choice of clothing and I don't know who did our laundry."

Max's heart stops for a second and he's back at wanting someone to kill him. Alternatively, he might die of embarrassment.

"It's comfortable though. If you don't want it back, I'll keep it", Daniel stars an attempt of resolving the tension and awkwardness and Max can't hold back his laughter anymore. He sits back down on the bed and covers his face with his hands while his shoulders are still shaking. Daniel joins in soon after and sits down next to Max, who rests his head against his husband's shoulder when he tries to catch his breath.

They spend the day exploring Rome and filming the entire tour, eating ice cream and chatting with locals when they get the chance. It's almost like they're living a normal life and Max tries to ignore the camera and the team of guards and how excited people are to see them in person. He enjoys the time outside and successfully manages to look comfortable when Daniel wraps an arm around his shoulder.

Maybe he can deal with them being friends. They get along well after all.

Max gets a skype call from his cousin a few hours later when they're back in their apartment and he's eating an apple in the kitchen. He frowns but decides to answer the video call before Lando starts spamming him. It takes a while to connect but then the camera turns on and he's looking at the Belgian prince, who's already smiling although they haven't even talked yet. They start chatting about the things that happened in the past day, catching up on each other's lives and joking around like they usually would.

"So, where are you hiding that hot husband Victoria keeps telling me about?"

And Max considers telling Lando that the connection is bad and hanging up, but Daniel is already entering the kitchen and Max hates his life a whole lot in that exact moment.

As it turns out, Lando and Daniel get along extremely well and Max swears someone is trying to prank him. It takes three minutes until Lando is close to dying from laughter. Max rolls his eyes, grabs another apple and leaves the kitchen. He's not jealous, there's no reason to and who would he even be jealous of? He sits down on the couch and eats his apple while he stares at the wall and listens to the others laughing in the kitchen.

Alex is working to make him look good in public so Max is forced to entertain himself by scrolling through his phone. He texts his sister and she makes fun of him for losing his husband to his cousin and Max thinks that some people just love to watch the world burn.

Daniel joins him in the living room at some point, placing the tablet on the coffee table and Max is about to get up when Daniel wraps both arms around his waist and pulls him back. Max squeaks in surprise and it's a sound he's not particularly proud of. Lando is back to laughing his ass off and Daniel rests his head against Max's arm, pouting at the camera and still holding Max tightly in his arms while begging him to stay.

Max rolls his eyes again before he agrees and Daniel kisses his cheek, which makes him blush and Lando coo loudly, and then his arms are gone and Max can breathe freely. They keep talking like nothing has happened and maybe that's what being married and in love is supposed to feel like: normal. He doesn't even notice Daniel's arm around his shoulder until Lando hangs up and he leans back, feeling exhausted for the first time this day. 

"Did you enjoy the trip to the city today?"

Max nods and yawns. He figures that he needs to try harder to make this work, so he takes a deep breath and starts talking about the things he liked the most. He makes Daniel laugh with his exaggerated statement about how good Italian ice cream is and he thinks he might get used to that. Laughing with Daniel is fun and it temporarily lifts the weight of his sorrows off his shoulders.

They decide to make pizza and somehow Daniel manages to get the sauce on his face. Max rolls his eyes and wipes it off without a comment before he continues to slice the ham. Sure, if they don't want to they don't have to cook for themselves, but it's fun and it makes Max feel normal. He feels a lot like this these days and it makes him feel more at home at the same time.

The pizza tastes better than Max would have thought when he looked at it before they put it in the oven, and he's pleased with their work. They still joke around when they're sitting at the table after dinner and Max teaches Daniel about "natafelen". The conversation drifts to the comparison of languages and cultures and they only start doing the dishes when it's 10 pm and the sun is about to drop behind the horizon.

Max falls asleep with a smile on his lips that night, the good kind of exhaustion washing over his body when he buries his face in the soft pillow. He wakes up around 3 am with another nightmare speeding up his heartbeat and Daniel doesn't say anything when he sneaks into Max's bedroom and hugs him until he stops crying.

It still takes some work to get comfortable with the whole situation and Max has to deal with his anxieties before he can gather enough courage to be okay. He starts trying though, because that's what Daniel deserves, because he owes it to his country. He tries because he's the Dutch crown prince and he's determined and he never gives up. 

He listens to Daniel's heartbeat in the dark and hopes that things will be okay soon.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)
> 
> I don't know whether this chapter qualifies as angst, but please be aware that we're dealing with anxieties, panic and other negative emotions here. I don't consider myself a pro at writing angst, forgive me. There's new tags, so keep an eye on that.
> 
> Also, there's a lot of stuff happening in this chapter and it's a trainwreck.
> 
> Have fun babies

Monaco is just as amazing as Max remembers it from the last time he visited as a child. The scenery is just as breathtaking and Charles is still full of shit. He teases Max whenever he gets the chance to and makes fun of him whenever no one is paying attention to him. Charles is the single reason he doesn't want to attend the stupid party.

He ends up staring outside the window, tapping against the glass in his hands. He's lost in his thoughts, reminiscing about the past few months. It is almost August now and so far things are going well. He looks over to where Daniel is chatting with Charles and Prince Carlos. Max smiles and thinks that Lando will be so jealous once he tells him about this.

The summer months went by faster than Max had anticipated and it feels a lot less awkward to be around Daniel by now. They spent the summer playing video games on Max's PlayStation in the evenings, going on vacation in Sicily and supporting projects all around Italy. Max's fingers still hurt when he thinks about all the trees he has planted in Tuscany. 

They had a lot of fun together and they talked a lot about everything that came to their minds. At some point, Alex stopped being the only one Max could talk to.

He's pulled back to reality when he feels an annoying pain spreading from his shoulder through his body and he sighs quietly. 

"I'm not going to stop poking you until you give me some attention, Maxy."

He rolls his eyes before he turns around to look at Daniel, who smiles at him and kindly enough stops poking him. It probably looked weird anyway. Max lifts an eyebrow and crosses his arms in front of his chest. Daniel keeps smiling dumbly at him.

"What's going on in that pretty little head of yours? Is Charles's party really that boring?"

Daniel stops laughing when Max doesn't reply and simply continues staring at him, realizing that the situation is not something to joke about. Max seems upset and that concerns Daniel more than it amuses him. 

Five minutes later Max is leaning against the balcony rail. He's looking at the Meditteranean Sea in front of him, the waves gently crashing against the coast, rocking the yachts to sleep and calming Max's mind. It's still warm outside after the sun heated up the city all day long and the wind carries the salty air up to the palace, gently running through Max's hair. Daniel is standing next to him, copying his pose and keeping quiet for once, which Max is pretty grateful for.

He just needs a break from it all, from the entire playing pretend that is their job. 

"I'm scared", is what he says. He's not actually scared, he's overwhelmed and angry and he wants to go home. Amsterdam, Rome, he doesn't care, he just wants to leave this place. He doesn't want to cry and he hates himself for being weak, but he can't hold back any longer. He's so frustrated by it all.

"It's okay, you're safe. I won't let you go, alright Max?"

And all Max can do is nod and cry until he let all his feelings out. Daniel rubs his back and repeats the same comforting words over and over until Max is tired and the wind dries his cheeks. 

He hates it because even though things are going okay right now and they're getting along fine, it's all still so wrong and it feels as if he's missing out on something and he doesn't know what it is, which just makes it even more frustrating. He hates it because he's just never grateful for what he's got, he always wants more and he never appreciates what the people around him do for him.

He screams and Daniel holds him tighter in his arms. Max knows that what he is thinking is not real, that those aren't his own thoughts. Those are words he's heard before though and he's desperately trying to get rid of them.

It doesn't work and it makes him panic, his heart rate picking up and suddenly it's hard to breathe. He feels like he's down in the harbor, drowning in the dark cold of the sea. 

"Hey, hey, Max. Max, it's okay. It's okay Max, you're safe here, you're okay. You're okay sweetheart, you don't need to panic. It's okay."

Max doesn't know how Daniel manages to pull him out of the trance but suddenly he's sitting on the floor, probably ruining his expensive suit, his hands pressed against his ears and Daniel is kneeling in front of him. He looks worried and Max feels guilty. They silently stare at each other for a while and when Max can finally breathe normally again, he stumbles forward and wraps his arms around Daniel's neck.

"Thank you", he whispers and it's almost inaudible over the noise of the party and the waves.

The flight back to Italy is short and quiet. Daniel sits across Max and he's reading a book, which is a really weird sight, and Alex is tapping away on his laptop as usual. Daniel likes to compare him to a puppy for he always follows them around, but he usually stops doing that when Max shoots a death glare his way. 

Max looks outside the window and watches the clouds pass by. His head is empty, he's not thinking about his father anymore and he feels way better than he did at the party in Monaco. He only turns his head away from the window when he hears Daniel getting up from his seat. He sits down next to Max and smiles as a reply to the confusion on his husband's face. Alex is still busy staring at the screen of his laptop with earphones canceling out the noise around him.

"Sometimes I'm scared of this too, you know. Sometimes I lie awake at night and I think about everything that has happened, I think about how my life would be without you and sometimes I ask myself why I let all of this happen. It's really scary, but I know that I have you. We can deal with this together, with all of it, right? We can deal with this weird pact and with your father and with your anxiety and we'll be okay because we have each other. That's usually what I try to tell myself and it helps me to deal with my own problems a lot better. I don't want to say I understand what you feel like because I really don't, but I'm trying to help you anyways."

He takes a break and Max is about to speak, but Daniel keeps talking before Max gets the chance to.

"The point is, we're married. And although this isn't like, you know, an actual marriage, I promised to be there for you no matter what and I'm not breaking that promise, okay?"

Max nods and gently takes Daniel's hand into his own, linking their fingers together and it's a weird gesture and he doesn't know what he's thinking, but Daniel squeezes his hand slightly and smiles.

"Okay. I won't break it either."

The news reaches him right after they arrive back in their apartment.

Lando is calling him right when he drops his suitcase in his bedroom. He sounds giddy and Max needs a minute to realize what's going on when Lando just bursts out with what he wants to tell him. When his brain catches up, he almost drops his phone in disbelief. He doesn't really know what to say, so he congratulates him and hangs up soon after, telling him that he's busy and that they would talk later.

He actually drops his phone then and sinks down on the floor right next to it. He stares into the void and tries not to let the tears fall. He bites on his trembling lip until he tastes blood and then he presses his hands against his face and lets the floodgates open. He tries to stay quiet as to not alarm Daniel though.

It's not fair. It's so not fair and yet Max feels horrible for being jealous and not being happy for Lando. Well he is, but it comes with the bitter taste of jealousy. Why does Lando get the life that he wants and the love he deserves and Max is forced to marry someone he doesn't even know against his own will?

Hate grumbles in his stomach. 

Lando gets everything he wants and has the world laying at his feet. He never had to suffer even the tiniest of minor inconveniences, his parents love their little golden boy and the entire world admires him. He's probably the most famous royal heir on social media. Lando is perfect, always happy and dorky and clumsy yet everyone just laughs at it while Max gets a slap in the face or a kick in his spine for breathing wrong. Lando has everything and Max hates him so much for it, for his perfect life and the call that still feels like a punch in the gut, like Lando is purposefully trying to put himself above Max.

He gets angry and starts scratching his arms to avoid screaming or destroying things to let out his raging jealousy. He never wants to see Lando again, he does not want to witness how he's living his dream right in front of Max's eyes. The world is so unfair and Max doesn't know whether he wants to kill himself or Lando more in that exact moment.

And again it's Daniel who brings him back to reality.

He's downstairs calling for Max to come and eat dinner. Max chokes out a reply and shuffles to the bathroom to wash his face. He lets icy water run over his cheeks until he can't feel them anymore and the redness is long gone when he shows up in the kitchen with a smile on his face. Daniel smiles back and hands him a plate of lasagna enthusiastically.

It's not fucking fair.

They're sitting in the living room together after dinner. Daniel is reading again and Max stares at the wall. He thinks about his earlier behavior and almost cries again because he feels so guilty. It's not Lando's fault and he loves his cousin, yet he was so jealous earlier that he almost ruined that.

It's not Lando's fault that Max's father is an asshole. It's not Lando's fault that Max has to live his life married to a stranger. It's not Lando's fault that he fell in love. It's not his fault that Max feels miserable.

"Lando is going to get married."

Daniel looks up from his book and he looks genuinely surprised. Max swallows the lump in his throat and fiddles with his fingers before he continues.

"He's marrying the Spanish crown prince."

"Oh okay, I'm happy for him. Is it-"

"No, he actually had the dumbest crush on him for years", Max interrupts before Daniel can even finish his question.

"Well, that's good for them then."

Max nods. It's silent in the living room. They stay quiet and Max knows exactly what's going through Daniel's head right now because that's exactly what he struggles with as well. He gets up after a while, tells Daniel that he's tired and going to sleep and the good night they exchange sounds forced in the worst way.

They both lie awake that night, staring at the ceilings of their respective bedrooms.

Max asks himself where it all went wrong.

Daniel doesn't want to think at all.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, relief. Peace. Happiness.
> 
> Or so you thought. Just some more pain before things get better, this chapter is an emotional rollercoaster. There's too much happening and I apologize. But yay, new characters!
> 
> (Did I just sneak my username into this chapter? Who knows.)
> 
> A little disclaimer: I don't know much about Italian food (all I know about it comes from vacation, my mom's cooking, and my Italian workbooks (as well as this creepy as hell Nonna in Düsseldorf who slightly terrorized my family but loved my cousins)) and as someone who spent a day in Sicily eating lasagna for every meal I don't really have the qualifications for that either. I hope toast is okay because it doesn't seem like a typical Italian breakfast? The same kind of goes for Dutch food and Dutch culture in general because I've never been to the Netherlands and my Dutch workbook is not helpful. I'm sorry if any of this insults anyone's culture and/or country.
> 
> Also, as a little apology for putting you all through this pain and because it was requested, I will link you a little something underneath this. You're welcome.
> 
> Have fun with this chapter now :)
> 
> (Here are some videos of [Daniel](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=bpZxVz5mbSo) [speaking](https://www.instagram.com/p/B3asy32ArBp/?igshid=4p3nnq7hx5kw) [Italian](https://www.instagram.com/p/B2ZfsBCAoL6/?igshid=3j6dhzie5wdw) because I love you guys. The first one is a little long and old though, I apologizE)

They don't talk about it because some feelings are just too hard to put into words.

Max spends the next few days in his room listening to sad music while staring at the ceiling of his room whenever he can. They don't have any media appearances coming up, which he is grateful for. He doesn't think he could pretend to be happy right now. They still eat together but that's about it. Alex doesn't come over either, he's getting some work done although there's nothing much to do PR wise at the time.

In Dutch they call it "Komkommertijd", the cucumber time. It's the period in summer when little happens, in private life but also in politics, sports and economy. He would tell Daniel about that, but he needs his space just like Max does. He doesn't think he would manage to get a single word out either. He can't even look Daniel in the eyes right now, so he shoves that thought away and tries to figure out what the annoying, and lowkey terrifying, Duolingo owl is trying to tell him, screaming at him in angry Italian and forcing him to practice in order to not lose his streaks.

He calls Lando one night when he's sitting on his balcony, Alex would kill him if he knew about that, and apologizes to him. It's hard not to cry and when Lando starts complaining about why on earth his crazy cousin decided to call him at 1 am, Max can't help but laugh, swallowing the tears for good. They talk about the wedding preparations and Max threatens Lando to vomit should he keep rambling about how in love he is. 

Max is proud of himself when he hangs up and feels nothing but genuine happiness for his cousin. It's one step in the right direction and he mentally facepalms himself for being so stupid. He hates love.

"I called Lando last night and apologized."

"I know, he texted me to complain about it. He told me to push you off the balcony or send you to sleep. Luckily I was asleep already though", Daniel replies while swallowing his toast and Max tries to ignore just how much he had missed Daniel's voice. He sits down at the kitchen table as well then and takes a sip of his coffee. 

"If you kill me, Alex will personally rip your head off", he retorts before stealing the second slice of toast from Daniel's plate. It's not a very typical Italian breakfast, but it's an ungodly 7 am and neither of them has the energy to complain about it.

"I know. I'm a little terrified of him, not gonna lie."

It makes Max laugh and Daniel smiles at him. Another step in the right direction, Max thinks. They're quiet for the remainder of their shared breakfast and it feels a lot more comfortable than it did the past few days. They do the dishes together and Max whacks Daniel with the kitchen towel when he ruffles his hair with his soapy hand.

"Will you let me beat you in Fifa when we return from that trip to Trieste?"

Max knows that Daniel can't really say no before he even opens his mouth to reply. 

  
Trieste is nice and Max loves to walk along the waterfront in the harbour. Maybe he needs some more quiet time to deal with his thoughts. They eat tons of ice cream and visit tourist attractions around the city and Max is thankful for the distraction. He likes the city and in a strang,e way it reminds him of his home. Maybe it's just the water that connects those places.

They spend the evenings sitting in the garden of their rented house, either sitting at the fireplace together and telling each other childhood stories, Max soon realizes that he doesn't really have a lot of good memories to talk about, or they sit by the pool with their legs in the water and their eyes glued to the sky, silently stargazing as the night turns black around them. It's warm and Max falls asleep to the quiet singing of crickets and feels at peace for a while.

  
September is a hectic month, to say the least. They have to attend a lot of media events, giving interviews whenever they have time for it and travelling to the Netherlands to do the same things all over again. They only stay for a few days to avoid a meeting with the royal family but it's enough time for Max to force his culture onto Daniel. He drags him around Amsterdam for an entire day while Alex trails behind with a camera, trying his best to stay quiet and suprpress a laugh while Daniel whines. 

He hates the Haring, which makes Max laugh so hard he almost chokes on air when he sees the miserable expression on Daniel's face. He just shakes his head and eats one himself while his husband watches in horror. 

He's almost offended when Daniel calls Bitterballen "okay". At least he seems to like the Poffertjes, which is a win in Max's eyes. 

They spend some time in children's hospitals and playing football with socially disadvantaged teenagers and Max enjoys being back in his familiar environment. It calms him a little, being closer to the sea and wandering through the streets he grew up in, a lot more free than he used to though. Alex smiles at him from the sidelines and Mas wishes he could stay longer. 

But that would mean going to Den Haag and Max feels nauseous just by thinking about that. 

They slowly get used to sharing hotel rooms, which really isn't that big of a problem considering the many nights Daniel spent sleeping next to Max to dry his tears and soothe his nerves. Max sleeps at the far end of his side of the bed and Daniel reads until he falls asleep. Max doesn't even know what the hell Daniel is reading. 

Max gets a message from his father on their last day and he tries to hide his reaction, but he's really not that good at it around Daniel and especially not around Alex. It's a draining day of work and he's so tired he doesn't even know whether he cries because of frustration or exhaustion or because of his father and the words that hurt him so much. He cries in the bathroom when they return from dinner and only stops when Daniel knocks on the door and complains about needing to use the toilet.

It's quiet when they're both finally done packing their luggage, well, the stuff they can already pack obviously, and laying in bed. Daniel is reading, Max turns his back on him and silently cries into his pillow. He really tries to focus and calm his breathing as to not raise any suspicion and concern. He's still crying when Daniel turns the light of and carefully puts his book away.

It's still quiet and Max is pressing his eyes closed to stop tears from rolling down his cheeks and wetting the fabic underneath his head. It was supposed to be a nice time, a fun relief for Max at home and he hates how his father still ruins it all with a single message.

He almost screams in surprise when Daniel's arm wraps around his waist from behind. He finally gives up then and sobs painfully, his entire body trembling with the disappointment and anger and sadness. Daniel doesn't say anything this time and just holds him close. He thinks it's enough this time and Max slowly calms down with Daniel's steady heartbeat behind him.

  
Talking in German makes Max's head hurt.

He's currently sitting next to Sebastian, who just won't stop talking, and regrets everything he's done in life to end up in that situation. Nico sends him an almost gleeful look from across the room and yells an insult in Dutch before he turns back to joke around with Daniel. Sebastian is still rambling something about German politics and effectifely ignoring his annoying brother and Max feels like slamming his head against a wall. 

He mumbles a reply and continues to watch his husband and the German prince bantering. They're probably making fun of Sebastian as well. He doesn't seem to care and continues his speech. Max is about to cry.

They finally get a break from Sebastian's boring stories when the door opens and Lando burts inside the room. He's smiling dumbly and Max really doesn't know whether he's glad that his cousin arrived or not. Considering that Daniel and Nico are around, it might end in chaos. 

It takes another two hours until all royals are gathered in the room and Sebastian begins talking about politics again. Except now they all have to endure it. Daniel looks like he's about to fall asleep next to Max, so he pinches him once in a while to keep him awake.

Lando calls it real love. Max calls Lando's statement bullshit. Charles silently judges them from across the table. Valtteri tries to murder Sebastian by staring at him intensely from across the table. Some things will never change, Max thinks when he gets up and Carlos trips, sending a warning glance in the direction of the British crown prince.

  
They're back in Italy before Max even begins to realize what has happened in the past days of their conferences. He doesn't even ask why they invited them instead of their parents, the heirs instead of the actual leaders of the countries. He doesn't dare to question Sebastian's decisions anymore. Daniel falls asleep on his shoulder in the car on their way home from the palace. 

It's late and Max still can't fall asleep. He's sitting in bed, scrolling through social media platforms and threatning Lando to block him if he doesn't stop the meme spam and goes to sleep. A little message appears at the top of the screen. Daniel.

Five minutes later there's a knock on the door and Max's voice almost fails him. Daniel softly closes the door behind him and smiles at Max as a greeting before he sits down on the bed, puts his phone on the nightstand and crawls underneath the blanket without a comment. Max turns his phone and the lights off and then it's quiet and he watches the shadows of the night dancing across Daniel's features. He looks tired and sad, which is a little unsettling to Max who is usually the sad one. 

It's still quiet and Daniel wraps his arms around Max, who does the same after a few startled seconds of surprise and sighs quietly.

"It's hard for me too, you know? It's weird to see the others so happy with their life, so content with what they have. By the way, Pierre swears that Sebastian is crushing on Valtteri's head of security so we should investigate that. But that's not the point. It's just, I don't know. I always thought I would fall in love one day and date that person for years before getting married at some point and rule the country together with them. I always thought that the people would love to see that and continue to flourish and grow with our help. I thought I would watch my own heirs playing in the garden during summertime and feel accomplished. It's weird that all those decisions are suddenly gone and I feel as if there's this itch, this little thing I'm missing out on and that I might never get to soothe, you know? All I have now is you. You're my future now and that's just fucking scary when one thinks about that. It's not that I am particularly averse to that thought, but it hurts to see how unhappy this makes you. I always thought I would marry someone who loves me and who genuinely wants to be with me and- dammit Max, I don't want to make you unhappy, alright? I hate seeing you sad and it hurts to hear you crying. It scares me to watch you panic and fight with your thoughts and not being able to do anything against it. I don't want you to feel alone, I'm trying to make this as painless and normal as I possibly could but I'm slowly giving up on it. I don't know what to do anymore and I'm scared of not being able to help you. I promised to be there for you and to stay with you through every hardship but I feel like I'm slowly losing you. I don't know what to do, I'm sorry."

His voice cracked somewhere half through his monologue and his tears feel hot when they're soaking through the fabric of Max's shirt. He's speechless, doesn't know what to do now and his voice fails him when he tries to say something, anything to calm Daniel and comfort him the way he always comforted Max. Because Max is the worst when it comes to talking about his feelings.

"You won't lose me, ever. I'm sorry", is all he manages to croak into the quiet night before he holds Daniel just a little tighter and carefully rubs his back. He's really not good at comforting people but he tries to remember what Daniel usually does when he is crying, picking up bits and pieces of his memories, the hazy feeling of panic and sadness hiding most of it from him.

Sometimes it's just enough to let people cry until they spilled all their emotions on the floor and there's no tears left to cry, he thinks and holds Daniel through his breakdown. It's enough.

Daniel is never the weak one out of the two of them, a true leader who always sees the positive side of life and motivates Max to see it too. He's always the one who cheers his husband up when he's sad and gloomy on another day of feeling worthless. He's the one who comforts Max when he's crying. It's never the other way around and Max doesn't think he's ever seen Daniel cry before. It's scary and he begins to understand what it must feel like to him, the direct comparisons to the words that are still ringing in his ears.

Max doesn't really know how to deal with the situation, so he does what he should've done a long time ago already.

"It's alright, it's normal to be scared. Don't worry too much, we will be fine, right? Everything will be alright. I'm still breathing, I'm still here and I'll stay with you until the very end, okay? I won't leave you alone with this, Daniel. We're in this together, remember? We'll get out of it together, too. It's always going to be me and you and us and that will never ever change, okay? I will stay with you. Always."


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops hi.
> 
> I'm so sorry for cutting the Carlando wedding so short but,,, nothing important really happened (besides the obvious) so I didn't feel like dragging it on. I apologize for that, maybe we'll get into it should I write a spin-off, but please don't kill me now.
> 
> What else? I hope, again, that I'm not fucking up with the traditions here (the thing with the underwear is a traumatic memory I will never forget, so I'm pretty sure about that one but who knOws). I basically just threw everything I knew about Italian Christmas/NYE traditions (that made sense and fit the situation (I'm not talking about the lentils because why would I)) in here for the sake of finding an excuse for that last part, which is certainly interesting I would say. I apologize should any of it be wrong.
> 
> Also, apologies for the time skips I guess, but again, nothing interesting happened so forgive me. I'm trying to write longer chapters again but I'm stupid so bear with me here :")
> 
> As always, have fun with that chapter and thanks a million for reading, it means a lot to me <3

It's freezing cold in Belgium in December and Max is trying to keep his shivering to a minimum. His sister is standing next to him and it's so hard to keep quiet when they have so much to talk about after not seeing each other for almost a year- that's an exaggeration, it's been seven months but to Max, it feels way longer. They're smiling while they freeze in the cold winter air and Max is impressed by how well Daniel handles it, considering that he's even less used to the cold temperature than the Dutch royals. Max is glad that Victoria and his mother stand between him and his father, whom he has been avoiding ever since their arrival in Belgium. Luckily enough he has Daniel and Victoria to distract him and keep him busy so there's no quiet minute for Max's anxiety to skyrocket.

He gets a slight deja-vu when they finally get rid of most of the media and enter the church. It is enough to take him back in time when he entered a building so similar to this one on his own, with his head held high and his heart hammering in his chest. It's even colder in there though and Max swears his ears will fall off at some point. At least the heaters underneath the benches and his gloves will somehow prevent a frostbite, or so he hopes. Max hates Lando for choosing December of all months to get married and he swears if he has to attend more royal weddings than the ones already planned for the next year he will scream.

He manages to smile and Daniel shortly wraps his arm around Max's shoulder to pull him closer, complaining about the cold temperatures after all. He lets go soon after though, not because of the cameras but because of professionalism because royals are still supposed to act stuck up and less human than normal people. Max almost rolls his eyes at the thought. He misses the warmth, even if it wasn't really that much warmer anyway. They're sitting opposite the Spanish royals and their closest relatives, in the second row above the kings of the Low Countries. It's another one of those stupid rules, the rulers' sights may never be blocked, especially not by other royals. Max hates the rules, they're annoying and unnecessary and don't make a lot of sense most of the time. It's all about the image the people have of the royals and most of them probably don't care about that nowadays anymore. At least this way the chance of his father getting shot is higher than his own, he thinks.

Daniel has trouble singing the songs in Flemish while Max struggles a lot more with the Spanish ones and he has to try really hard not to laugh while explaining the pronunciation of some words to Daniel in hushed whispers. All in all the ceremony feels a lot shorter than his own back in May and a lot more romantic too. Max would probably make fun of Lando for crying if his sister was more composed than their cousin. It's not just him then who's weak, he thinks bitterly.

They enjoy the festivities afterward in warmth and without any cameras and media present and that alone makes things a lot easier for Max. Charles tells embarrassing childhood stories about Carlos and Max joins with things he remembered from when he and Lando were still young. He laughs more together with Charles on that evening than ever before. Maybe he has always been an asshole on purpose then.

Dinner is chill and tastes well, Daniel still complains about the weird food he's definitely never getting used to, and Max wholeheartedly ignores his whining to catch up with his sister. He has missed the banter and the comfort of having her near and he wants to turn back time for the single purpose of being eight years old and cuddling with her when she snuck into his room at night. The other memories of that time aren't as nice though, so he's also kind of glad that it's over now.

Dancing with Daniel is embarrassing but they have a lot of fun, so it's fine. He doesn't step on Max's feet at least, unlike Lando, and Max feels bad for Carlos. He's dancing with his sister and his mother as well later to make up for the time he spent away from home. Belgium wasn't his home, but still more so than Italy. Well, at least it used to be. He tries to ignore the negative thoughts and the slight homesickness mixing with the expensive wine in his stomach and dances with Charles; a peace offer the Monegasque prince's son he accepts with a smile.

The trip back to the accommodation is quiet and both of them are lost in their own thoughts. It's obvious what they're thinking about, so neither of them really needs to talk about the issue. It hurts less now, but it's painful nevertheless. Max focusses on the gentle vibration of the car against the road to keep the jealousy away. Daniel stares into the quiet cold night sky of Belgium and feels the pain seeping away in his chest. There's no need for words, neither of them could find any to describe the situation anyways.

Max holds Daniel's hand in the dark when they fall asleep next to each other that night.

The holidays feel weird for Max has never ever spent Christmas without his family. He gets used to the crazy Italian traditions though, which seems to be a huge relief for Daniel, and enjoys the time with Daniel and his parents. Alex has left to go to Britain until the new year, so Max is really on his own this time. At first, it scares them and makes his stomach hurt but he's dealing with it just fine. It's not a very eventful time leading up to New Year's after the Christmas days and festive time all December long and he spends the last days of the year avoiding food as much as he can. Daniel laughs at him and forces him to eat some fruits and vegetables every day despite Max's resent.

New Year's Eve comes with Daniel throwing a pair of red boxer shorts at Max to wake him up and he's kind of relieved when he recognizes it as his own pair at least. Daniel is babbling something about the tradition of wearing red underwear for New Year's Eve when he's munching on his breakfast and Max looks at him and thinks that even all the good luck in the world can help him with this. He scrunches his nose and shakes his head when Daniel offers him food. The prospect of another huge dinner later makes him nauseous again.

In the end, he survives dinner and cheers up a little when he's asked to talk about Dutch New Year's Eve traditions. They laugh a lot and reminisce about the past few months, a year full of love and pain and eventful days laying behind them. They talk about memories and feelings and Max is genuinely happy. He feels comfortable around Daniel's family now, even more now that the awkwardness mostly wore off and leans against Daniel's shoulder when he laughs at a funny story.

They leave around 11 pm because Daniel insists on watching the fireworks from Max's balcony. The view on the city is better from there and they have prosecco in the fridge, that are his main arguments. They sit on the couch and continue the conversation about memories and plans for the upcoming year. Max lifts his head from the backrest to look at Daniel at some point and smiles. He's glad he has Daniel by his side next year. He doesn't say it out loud but Daniel smiles back, he probably understands the gesture.

It's 11:55 pm when Daniel stumbles through the balcony door with the bottle and two glasses in his hands, waving them at Max who can't help but roll his eyes at the clumsiness of his husband. It's not as cold as in Belgium outside but he still snuggles deeper into his jacket when Daniel hands him a glass filled with the sparkling wine.

"You know, there's this tradition of throwing out old stuff on New Year's Eve. Don't look at me like that, you and your weird Hollandse Nieuwe", Max visibly cringes at Daniel's pronunciation of the much disliked Haring, "have no right to judge my culture." Daniel interrupts himself then and laughs before he looks at the countdown on his phone.

"Anyways, the tradition. I know that you will probably slaughter me in my sleep if I suggest to throw the PlayStation out, so we won't actually throw old stuff out. But you know, figuratively, metaphorically, I don't know, let's throw out all the bad memories of this year, alright? It's been emotional, which isn't always automatically bad, but uh, yeah. I guess I want us to be happy next year. I want you to be happier, Maxy. Let's get rid of the pain and the sadness and the anger and disappointment. Let's leave these negative vibes in this year, alright?"

Max smiles softly and nods before he gets up from the bench and leans against the balcony rail next to Daniel. They stay quiet until the countdown on the phone signals them that they have ten seconds left before the year is over. Max never really understood why New Year's Eve was such a big deal. No one makes a big deal about the ending of a day or a week or a month, but the ending of the year is always so important. It's not like they're going to be new and different people just because the ending of the date is a new one, they're still flawed and imperfect, they're still the same people on the first day of January.

The sky lights up around them when the firework pollutes the air, Max is glad that they managed to organize one central firework in the cities and prohibited the other ones, the perks of royalty, and Daniel smiles at him with a smile brighter than the firecrackers and clinks glasses with him. The prosecco tastes better than anticipated.

Max almost drops his glass when Daniel hugs him tightly and leans down to kiss him, just a gentle, careful touch against lips that feel like he's touched a power cord. They haven't really done that since the wedding and he's a little startled by it all, it feels almost foreign. Daniel lets go of him when he tenses and takes a step back, already opening his mouth to apologize. Max interrupts him before he can say anything though.

"Don't tell me that's another one of your dumb traditions."

He smiles and Daniel laughs when he gets the hint to just forget about, scratching his neck with a sheepish expression on his face. Max keeps smiling and apparently either that or the alcohol calms Daniel down.

"It actually is."

And now it's Max's turn to look surprised before he laughs and turns back to watch the firework erupting above the city in awe. It's quiet again and Max kisses Daniel's cheek before they go to sleep.

Maybe the new year does change some people, after all.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eh.
> 
> I kind of disappeared for a few days but I kept writing things I wasn't proud of so it took a little longer than usual (I even deleted one of my other works because I hated it so much ahaha help)
> 
> The songs mentioned in this story are [Jongen Van De Straat](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BUQxCGZWFAw) (which I really hope I translated correctly, Dutch is not my first language and I've only been studying it for a year I'm terribly sorry) and [Selling Me Out](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w7qUK_T0QX4), I strongly recommend both songs :)
> 
> You can find the translations in the endnotes, the German ones should be correct (else I might be going crazy) but please don't hate me and my poor knowledge of the Dutch language, het spijt me.
> 
> ANYWAY, I hope you'll enjoy this chapter with new characters and shippings :)

Max is laying on his bed, facing the ceiling again. He's been doing that a lot lately, with music playing on his phone and his thoughts on standby. He just needs a break and while everyone busies themselves with trying to live up to their new goals, he just stares at the ceiling and watches the way the sunlight and the shade of the curtains play on the blank canvas. January is a busy month but he still has the weekend off before he has to get back to work and fulfill his duties and he uses his time to be lazy and gloomy.

It's dark outside when Daniel slowly opens the door and steps into the room. Max puts his phone down after looking at memes on Instagram for an hour or two. God, his father is right. He's useless. Daniel chuckles quietly when Max looks at him and then he sits down on the mattress, right next to Max, and they just sit there in silence with their legs touching slightly and the music still filling the room.

"What are you listening to?", Daniel asks to break the silence or maybe he's just being nice. They went back to acting awkward around each other after the incident on New Year's Eve and Max is kind of annoyed and disappointed by it. So he shrugs and talks for what feels like the first time in three days.

"Jongen Van De Straat by Lil Kleine. It's a Dutch song, obviously. Came out last year. Yeah, that's it" and that's really not it, but it's enough right now. The piano keeps playing and Jorik Scholten, Lil Kleine, keeps singing about being a boy from the streets despite his fame and about making mistakes. Max keeps quiet and Daniel just listens to the self-reflection and doesn't understand a single word.

"I like it, even though it sounds a little sad. I have no idea what he's singing about but it sounds nice. What is he saying?"

Max really doesn't want to talk right now because that would mean thinking about things and he just wants his head to stay quiet. Daniel is still looking at him and he's waiting for an answer, so Max presses a few buttons and turns off the music for a while, then he drops his phone on his legs and shrugs again. He feels a little stupid for doing it.

"Maar laat mij niet gaan, je weet ik heb geleefd, 'k heb heel veel fout gedaan, maar laat me niet gaan. Ik ben een jongen van de straat als je mij hier achter laat", Max repeats the lyrics and Daniel keeps staring at him dumbly.

"Don't let me go, you know I lived, I did a lot of things wrong, but don't let me go. I'm a boy from the street if you leave me behind here", he continues and fiddles with the blanket.

"Something like this. I think it's always a little difficult to translate songs, right? It's hard to get the passion of the singer across when you translate his or her words."

Daniel nods and looks at Max, silently asking for permission before he grabs the phone from his legs and starts typing something into the search bar of Max's Spotify app. The first few beats of the songs are enough for Max to feel his own mood shift. It's more upbeat but it still has something sad to it. Daniel sings along and Max can't help but smile. It seems as if that is exactly what Daniel was trying to do, yet he keeps singing.

"Somebody like you, suit me so well, we suit we, so well, I just wanna be around you", makes Max feel like Daniel is trying to tell him something but he chooses to overthink that later and instead nods his head to the groovy rhythm. Daniel laughs and things are fine for now.

"So, how were the holidays in the United Kingdom?"

Alex sighs behind the screen of his laptop. He's sitting at the kitchen table and organizing some events Max doesn't want to attend but can't get out of while the Dutch crown prince watches him from the kitchen island, leaning against it with a cup of tea in his hand and an amused smile on his face.

"You know my family, it was chaotic. But it was good to be back home for a while, I missed the shitty weather" is Alex's dry reply. He doesn't even look up from the laptop and Max could've fired him for his rude behavior at least five times on that day alone already, but Alex is his friend, so he actually enjoys their conversations. It makes him feel normal as if there's no prescribed way of how he has to be addressed. Most of the younger royals behave similarly when they're not in public but it's different with Alex. He can't explain it, really, so he keeps grinning behind his mug when he keeps asking questions.

"How's Buckingham doing? Don't look at me like that, I might be an entitled bitch but I'm not stupid", he continues and takes a sip of the tea while he waits for Alex to spill his. Max feels like a teenager just for thinking of that comparison and snorts quietly behind his mug.

"They're still the same, I sadly can't gossip about other royals if I want to keep my job."

Max rolls his eyes and walks over to the kitchen table to sit down next to Alex. He carefully puts the hot tea down and takes a look at the email Alex is writing. He scrunches his nose and feels glad that he has Alex to do that for him.

"Oh come on, how's George?"

Max almost laughs at the way Alex flinches.

"How would I know?"

Silence. They look at each other and Max lifts an eyebrow. Alex sighs and busies himself with the email that seems really important all of a sudden.

"Shut up, Max."

"I'm not saying anything", he replies before he grabs his mug, pats Alex's back to show some sympathy and vanishes to go and gossip about Alex's sad love life with Daniel.

"You're an idiot, Alex", is his way of saying goodbye and his personal guard slash friend slash PR agent slash manager simply hums his agreement.

It's surprisingly cold in Versailles and Max wraps his coat tighter around himself while Pierre keeps babbling something in French. Max never really liked his French classes so he gives up trying to understand what's going on after precisely three seconds. Esteban stands next to his cousin and laughs at Max when he notices how lost he looks. Max just rolls his eyes and goes back inside to find Lando.

He gives up after five minutes and figures that he probably really doesn't want to know what he was getting up to right now. Instead, he sits down next to Charles and puts his head on the table. It earns him a laugh and Max sighs in despair. He hates the annual meeting in Versailles and he still doesn't get why they have to be there. He pulls his phone out after trying not to touch it for a few hours. It's not very polite to do that but Max doesn't are. He scrolls through his chats until his eyes get stuck on a particular message that's still marked as unread. He feels like he needs to vomit then and he doesn't even try to blame it on the Foie Gras anymore.

At some point, Valtteri offers him a distraction and he helps him to look for his security guard. Max simply asks around until he figures out where Sebastian ended up and coughs loudly before he walks around the corner and drags Kimi back to the party. Valtteri rolls his eyes and thanks Max, who can't help but laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation.

"Sag einfach nichts dazu, ich bitte dich", Sebastian says when he returns as well. Max looks at him and judges him hard and feels like that should be enough.

"Ich schulde Pierre 20 Euro, wat een misère", Nico says dryly and Max snorts. Maybe those weird royal gatherings weren't that bad after all.

"Maxy, important question. Should I wear the white shirt or the red one tonight?"

Max almost jumps when Daniel's voice pipes up behind him, he was too engrossed in the process of fumbling with the buttons of his dress shirt to notice him entering the room. Max turns around, a little annoyed because Daniel has been fussing about the charity event for a few days now already and Max just wants to get it over with at this point.

The charity event is something Max has been more than anxious about for entirely different reasons than Daniel. It's for a mental health foundation and Max isn't very keen to spend the evening pretending that it's not something that affects him personally, even with the entire "mental health issues affect us all" image of the event. It's important to him to help other people who have to deal with those problems but he really doesn't want the spotlight on him. Especially not if there's the chance of his father watching the entire thing from afar. Mental health problems are a sign of weakness is just one of a broad variety of arguments against events like this Max had to endure in the past.

Daniel is still staring at him and waiting for an answer, already wearing the red shirt and holding the white one in one hand. Max shrugs and clings to the tiny flag pin laying in his palm. Daniel doesn't leave though so Max sighs inwardly and puts the pin down before he walks over to where his husband is still leaning against the door frame. He looks at Daniel from a safe distance and thinks about the issue at hand for a while before he takes another step forward and carefully closes the last few buttons, adjusts the collar and nods before he walks back to his mirror and pretends to fix his hair.

"The red one is fine", he says and Daniel laughs before he leaves the room, reminding Max to hurry before he makes his way downstairs.

Max's eyes land on the tiny pin again, reflecting the sun in blue, white and red. He picks it up and turns it in his fingers. He shrugs and grabs his suit coat, running down the stairs where Daniel is waiting for him at the front door. He attaches the pin to his suit coat in the car.

If his father doesn't want to represent their country the way he is supposed to, Max could at least try to make up for it now.

It's 3 am and Max doesn't really know why he's still awake. He has been trying to fall asleep for a few hours now after their return from Barcelona and Lando surely annoyed him enough to exhaust him but Max's brain is still working and he's so frustrated about everything.

He grabs his phone from the nightstand and gets out of bed. Somehow he manages to find a hoodie in the dark and puts it on to shield himself from the February temperatures seeping through the walls. Max tries to get downstairs without making a lot of noise on the stairs and carefully turns on the light in the kitchen. Five minutes later he's sitting at the table with a glass of water next to him and the message he's tiptoed around for so long. He has read the first few sentences when they lit up on his screen for the first time and it was enough for him to know that he doesn't want to read the rest but now he's sitting in the dim light of the kitchen in the middle of the night and apparently Max really loves to torture himself.

_Useless._

_Weak._

_A disappointment._

_Downright ridiculous._

_A disgrace._

He's heard it all before but reading it hurts just as much. The words slowly blur in front of his face.

_Don't even dare to come back home._

He doesn't even want to.

_Stay away from this family._

Max has no other choice anyway, does he? It's all facade anyway. He's just the crown prince because the public doesn't know a reason for him not to lose that title anyway.

"Hey Maxy, what's wrong? Don't cry sweetheart, it's okay."

Daniel wraps his arms around Max's shoulders from behind and it's only then that Max realizes that he's crying again. It's slowly becoming embarrassing how often situations like this happen. Daniel apparently sees the name on the display because he reaches for the phone and switches it off without a comment.

Max would say that he's sorry but he knows that Daniel will just tell him that it's alright and it's pointless, so Max keeps quiet and tries to breathe until the tears dry on his cheeks and Daniel slowly loosens the grip around Max's shoulders.

"How do you even wake up all the time?"

Daniel laughs and kisses Max's cheek before he takes his empty glass and puts it into the dishwasher.

"Let's just go back to sleep, alright? We have a lot to do tomorrow."

He hugs Daniel tightly before they part ways in the hallway and Max finally manages to fall asleep some twenty minutes later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Max already translated the Jongen Van De Straat lyrics for you so I will take care of the other phrases now.
> 
> "Sag einfach nichts dazu, ich bitte dich." - Just don't say anything about it, I'm begging you.
> 
> "Ich schulde Pierre 20 Euro, wat een misère." - I owe Pierre 20 euros, darn it. ( This one's a mix of Dutch and German so again, please don't kill me)
> 
> If those aren't exact translations, I apologize. I'm not that good at translating but you get the idea :")  
> Please correct me if you want to, I didn't do any of my online work for German yet whoops


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More shenanigans and stuff because uh ,,, slow burn?
> 
> Welcome back, I hope this chapter is somewhat enjoyable. I'm not exactly a fan of economy or the military so please don't kill me if parts of this chapter don't make sense. [This](https://www.quora.com/Which-country-has-the-most-powerful-navy-in-the-EU) is my only source, I can't guarantee that it's correct but it fits the story and that's all that matters, right?
> 
> The meme mentioned is [this one](https://i.redd.it/q4k1peb9now21.png) and it's really not that interesting or amazing but it does the job. 
> 
> Pretty much everyone knows [Bohemian Rhapsody](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJ9rUzIMcZQ) but I'm just putting this here should someone need it for reference. 
> 
> Have fun reading this chapter and thanks a million for still supporting this project :)

It's 2 am when the door of his bedroom opens and Daniel wakes Max up. He's very tempted to throw a pillow at his husband but he decides to stare at him with a death glare in the dim light of the moon instead. Daniel ignores it and sits down on the bed, looking way too excited for that time of the day and he bounces on the mattress. Max really hates him sometimes.

"Come on Maxy, we're going on an adventure!"

"At 2 am, Daniel? Really?", Max groans and hides his face in his pillow. He hopes that Daniel will just leave him alone if he pretends to go back to sleep. He really doesn't want to leave his comfy bed and it's not even spring yet, so it's not exactly warm and his blanket protects him from Daniel and his stupid ideas.

"Yeah dumbass, we're going stargazing. Come on."

Max admits that this actually sounds a little tempting. He loved watching the dark night sky when he couldn't sleep as a child and the memories make him want to relieve those peaceful moments. Then again he's not a child anymore and he was sleeping just fine until Daniel decided to end his blissful emptiness.

He sits up on the mattress and almost hisses when Daniel reaches out to fix his bed hair but Max is not a damn cat so he just ducks away before his husband manages to touch him and rolls around until he can get up on the other side of his bed.

"So, where are we going?", he asks while he walks over to his wardrobe to look for clothes to shield him from the cold. Daniel is faster and throws a hoodie his way. It hits Max square in the face and he's absolutely done with Daniel right now. He rolls his eyes and puts it on without comment, he really cannot deal with more discussions than necessary at the moment for his brain is simply too tired to process the information. He notices that it's one of Daniel's hoodies though, simply because it feels foreign against his skin. And it really doesn't smell like his own clothes.

"Your balcony. I figured you would probably strangle me if I forced you to go for a walk in the middle of the night", Daniel replies and then he opens the door to their final destination and lets the cool air into the bedroom. Max figures that this would already classify as enough of a reason to strangle his husband but he gives up, he's given up a year ago already if he thinks about it, and follows him outside.

The city is quiet underneath them and it almost makes Max feel the peaceful memories from home. It's the same stars and it's the same moon accompanying the people in the city as in the Netherlands. It calms him down a little and he lifts his head to dive into the dark night sky and let it embrace him, welcoming him back after so long. For a while, he just stares at the silver lights in awe and he's so overwhelmed by the beauty of it all. He feels a little embarrassed when a single tear rolls down his cheek but he's too emotional to keep it in.

Daniel carefully wraps his arms around Max's waist from behind and rests his head on his husband's shoulder. Max would complain if the view above them wouldn't draw him in like that. He feels safe and warm and he even manages to force the memories of the New Year's Eve back into the hindmost corner of his brain for now. He enjoys this and he feels comfortable so he begins to talk about the stars and constellations he recognizes and Daniel hums quietly and struggles to follow Max and his endless flow of useless knowledge.

"I like listening to you though, keep talking."

So Max keeps talking about astronomy, physics and old myths for God knows how long. He doesn't even feel tired anymore and he keeps admiring the night sky with the warmth of Daniel's body behind him.

"The stars are beautiful, don't you think?", Daniel finally interrupts, gently though, giving Max the chance to finish his rambling before he would reply to the question. Max simply nods because no one would ever disagree anyways and replying was almost pointless. Everyone is fascinated by stars, Max thinks. Some people look up at them and remember faint memories or they miss someone or they wonder about the things that could be out there or they're hopeless romantics appreciating the beauty of nature and the universe surrounding them. He thinks back to the myths. Humans have always been fascinated by the stars.

It always reminds Max that they're not alone. The possibilities are endless and the coincidence of this version of him existing and living and breathing is so small that he can't help but feel grateful for being there and consciously existing in the endless and always expanding universe around them.

"You know what else is beautiful?"

Max doesn't reply but he almost rolls his eyes. He effectively ignores the way his cheeks grow hot.

"The moon and the sun and the planets and galaxies. God, I fucking love space", Daniel continues and laughs when Max, carefully, knocks their heads together because hitting Daniel is almost physically impossible in their current position.

Sometimes he questions how he ended up married to the biggest idiot in the entire universe when there are endless possibilities and coincidences that could have prevented that disaster from happening. He's not too upset about it, he decides when Daniel yawns against his shoulder.

"Stop sending me memes for a second, I'm trying to tell you about my day", Daniel complains and Max chuckles and puts his phone back down to look at his husband's tired face on the screen of the tablet in front of him. Daniel is lying in his hotel bed with his phone leaning against the headboard. He's already half asleep and gives Max an exhausted smile.

"How late is it in Auckland?"

Daniel yawns and Max isn't quite sure whether it's because of the jetlag or because of the time.

"Right now? It's 11 pm. It's noon in Italy, right?"

Max nods and watches himself in the corner of his tablet. He leans in closer to fix his hair and Daniel rubs his eyes.

"Pierre arrived earlier today and we had dinner together. It's nice here but I think I preferred Sydney. The entire cargo issue should be figured out soon so our export will be secured and peaceful again. George had a lot of work to do in order to fix it but hey, we will be able to afford to go on vacation for the next ten years if this works out", Daniel explains and Max laughs. Figuring out the trades between Australia, New Zealand and the European maritime powers has been a painful project for a while now, for what reason Max really doesn't know, but the news sounds good so he doesn't question it. As long as it stays fair and no one has to threaten the others with their navy it should be fine. It's the exact reason for Daniel's absence. Europe's three main contenders with the most powerful navies are meeting up with the prime ministers of Australia and Australia Junior, as Carlos likes to call it and Max is pretty sure that the Spanish kingdom might be salty about not being part of the deal. Technically they are, but they're not as influential as the other three and not competitive in the blue water category. Max doesn't really know shit about the navies though, war and the military are more his father's hobby than his. He's smart when it comes to the economy but he leaves decisions about the protection of his country to other people.

"Sounds good I guess. Just give George a break, alright? He's been complaining about you all to Alex for the past days", Max replies and smiles when Daniel laughs again and promises to go easy on him for the final negotiations. As easy as he can, anyway.

Max decides that it's time for Daniel to catch some sleep before he keeps yawning for another hour, so he suggests to end the call and stop pestering his husband for now, who agrees after a while of arguing that he doesn't want to sleep like a five-year-old. Max rolls his eyes and threatens to hang up without saying goodbye, which is met with more protest.

"Alrighty, good night Max. Sleep well in like, I don't know, eight hours?"

"Yeah, sleep well Daniel. Good luck tomorrow", Max says and waves, which makes him feel a little stupid but Alex is not in the room to see it and tease him about it, so he stops contemplating his actions and waves one more time.

"I miss you", Daniel murmurs and yawns right after. The screen turns black and Max blinks at the tablet in confusion. His brain needs a few seconds to figure the words out but then he snorts quietly and shakes his head, another smile on his lips when he walks into the kitchen to sit down next to Alex again. He goes back to reading and analyzing statistics, which gives him a break from his thoughts for a while, at least until he notices the way Alex is looking at him.

He hates that knowing expression and rolls his eyes again. Max notices that he's been doing that a lot over the course of the past year and decides that his friends are horribly bad for his health and his sanity.

He sends Daniel another crappy wholesome meme of Sandy Cheeks holding a notepad. It says "you're cute" on it in a not very fitting font. "See this, this is science" is the caption and Max adds a _miss you too_ message just for good measure.

"What?", he asks, almost offended when Alex lifts an eyebrow to judge him and puts his phone away. It's just a dumb meme.

It's a Saturday morning in March, it's warm outside and Max is in a really good mood, which slightly scared him when he looked at himself in the mirror earlier. Now he's dancing through the kitchen while he's making coffee, the window open to let some fresh air inside. He hums the melody playing on the Bluetooth speaker on the kitchen island while he empties the dishwasher because they miraculously don't have any clean plates left for breakfast.

The shuffle jumps to Bohemian Rhapsody and Max smiles, continuing to make breakfast in sync with the music. He doesn't dare to sing, he knows that Daniel would make fun of him for that for the next decade if he caught him singing. Instead, he keeps humming, closes his eyes and enjoys the entire mood of the situation for a while, the smell of coffee filling his nose and for a second life is good.

"I'm just a poor boy, nobody loves me", he finally gives in and sings along when he picks out some jam.

"That's a lie and you know it", Daniel says behind him and Max almost jumps in surprise, he really didn't hear him entering the kitchen. He feels his cheeks heating in embarrassment but Daniel wholeheartedly ignores it and takes his hands when Max is done putting the jar down.

He has way too much energy in the morning, Max thinks when he laughs and dances through the kitchen with him. Daniel joins their sad duet and still doesn't let go of Max's hands, who regrets listening to the song in the first place. Daniel won't stop laughing and singing along. He wraps his arms around Max's waist when the pace of the music shifts again and Max doesn't really know what to do with his hands and he dies a little inside while Daniel keeps singing, seemingly unaffected.

"Nothing really matters, nothing really matters to me", he finishes, quieter than before and Max tries to enjoy the last few seconds of the song.

"Thanks for making coffee", Daniel says and chuckles. He quickly kisses Max's cheek and then he's gone and finishes laying the table like nothing has happened while Max's head is still spinning as he leans against the kitchen counter.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)
> 
> There's a lot happening here and I don't really know what to say about this emotional rollercoaster, so I'll just let you read it. Personally, I'm not quite sure what to think about it but eh
> 
> The song mentioned is [House of the Rising Sun](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J6AOKf3p_dQ) by alt-J and Tuka. I think Daniel actually put that song in his Instagram story not too long ago (I'm sorry if I'm confusing things though).
> 
> Read the endnote for some more input on the political systems in this story and have fun with this chapter, love goes out to everyone who still keeps up with this and leaves me motivation in the comments or through kudos. You guys are the best <3
> 
> (Also, you can now find me on [Tumblr](https://komkommertijd.tumblr.com/) and I still need to figure it out so bear with me I'm stupid, lonely and desperate)

It's July and Max feels like his skin is on fire. He has his eyes closed behind his sunglasses and his head propped up on his arms. He feels the cool grass underneath his head and the Italian sun on his stomach. A few meters away from him he hears Daniel and his nephew laughing, joking around and babbling happily in Italian. 

The Duolingo owl would be proud of how much of it Max understands by now.

He only gets up when water hits his stomach, cool and wet on his heated skin. He opens his eyes and stares back at Daniel, who's grinning at him while more water drips from his wet curls. 

"Oh come on, is that really necessary?"

Daniel won't stop laughing so Max gets up and wraps his arms around Daniel's waist and drags him along until he can shove him into the pool. It takes a few seconds before he resurfaces and shakes his head, sending water droplets flying everywhere, his body shaking when he continues laughing. Max rolls his eyes in annoyance and sits down at the pool edge, his legs hanging in the cool water and finally relieving him a little bit from the summer heat. 

"That was uncalled for Maxy", Daniel says with a pout on his lips while he moves closer to Max, his movement in the water causing waves to hit Max's knees, wetting the hem of his swim trunks, turning the fabric a darker shade of blue. He snorts in amusement and carefully reaches out to wipe the wet hair out of Daniel's face. He puts his entire focus on doing it to avoid the blush rising on his cheeks.

He doesn't really want to think about the way his stomach tingles at the feeling of Daniel's hands on the back of his neck, water running down his back and sending a shiver down his spine. It lures him in, makes him feel dizzy when Daniel pulls him closer, when he feels his breath on his skin.

He closes his eyes for a second to regain his focus but then he realizes his mistake when Daniel pulls him forward, away from the pool edge and into the water. The way Max yells is almost comically but it doesn't distract him from the fact that Daniel still has his arms wrapped around him and he hates it. They smile at each other and Daniel still holds him close while his heart beats rapidly in his chest. He still holds him close when he spins Max around in the water and Max laughs and tries not to think about it for a while.

It doesn't last long though, happiness never does.

His phone rings during dinner and Max recognizes the number on the screen. It makes his blood run cold and cold sweat trickle down his back. He apologizes quietly and gets up from the table to answer the call. He doesn't miss the worried expression on Daniel's face.

It's Alex on the other end of the phone and his voice is calm and collected, way too relaxed for the message he delivers. The words blur in Max's ears, mixing together and twisting until their point gets lost in Max's brain. He cannot comprehend what's going on until he feels the tears running down his cheeks and dripping on the collar of his shirt, until he feels his fingers trembling around the phone, until he hears Alex repeating his name over and over again.

No one asks a single question when he hangs up and leaves, stumbles upstairs until his hand wraps around the door handle and he falls straight onto the mattress as soon as he can, curls up underneath the blanket and lets his tears fall. He cries, it's the first time in months he lets himself cry and he sobs painfully until it becomes hard to breathe. He cries until he forgets the reason why and when he remembers, he shakes his head and wipes his tears and digs out his phone again.

He finds the tiny green button and presses it with his trembling finger, lets his digits fly across the keyboard until the familiar name appears in the search bar. 

The door creaks slightly when Daniel opens it later when Max has been listening to the same song for what feels like a million times. He carefully sits down next to Max on the mattress and runs one hand over his arm, trying to offer him comfort without being intrusive.

"You called me today, you told me you were gonna die, father, father, father. What was I gonna say? Sorry, I don't wanna lie, my father, father, father", Tuka's voice mumbles over the speakers, broken and exhausted, just like Max feels right now. He sits up slowly, not trusting his own muscles to keep him upright and shrugs when Daniel waits for him to say something. He shrugs again, feels the tears welling up again and leans against Daniel's shoulder when he can't keep them in.

"It's okay sweetheart, it's okay. Calm down, it's going to be alright. You can tell me about it later when you're feeling better. It's going to be okay, Max. I'm here, I'm not leaving. You're not getting rid of me, you know. Whatever happens, I'm here for you."

Max nods slowly before he manages to lift his head.

"He's really going to die. Alex just called, he's really sick. I-"

Daniel wraps his arms tighter around Max and sways him gently, kisses his forehead and stays quiet, doesn't say a single word. Somehow, not talking feels better than talking about his feelings right now and he hides his face in the crook of Daniel's neck. At some point, Daniel turns the music off and kisses Max's forehead one more time before he lets go of him and gets up from the bed.

"I'll go back downstairs real quick and tell my parents that you're not feeling well if that's fine? I don't want them to worry too much."

Max nods and murmurs something about getting ready for bed. His body feels heavy when he gets up and he doesn't even dare to look at himself in the mirror when he finally gets to the bathroom. His head is empty and his heart feels empty too, tiny and wretched in his chest. 

_What are you going to do?_

Daniel doesn't ask that question but Max knows that it's occupying his thoughts just as much as Max's. He stares at the ceiling and feels like this is the first time in years that it doesn't help to calm him down, to regain focus and think clearly. The dim light radiating from the nightstand is barely enough for Daniel to read without seriously damaging his eyes. Max feels as if he has the right to be annoyed because his husband doesn't address the issue and keeps pretending that everything is fine but he finds himself appreciating the quiet. There will be enough drama and noise to deal with soon and some normality helps him more than talking about it.

Max hates talking about his feelings. It's hard for him to put them in words, in Dutch more so than in English because of the emotional distance the foreign language allows him, the comfort of it helping him to find words to express what's going on inside him, but right now he can't think of the right words for this situation in either language. Maybe he doesn't even want to, not allowing the situation to affect him more than it should. He could still feel guilty about his feelings when the media wants to see his tears.

"It's okay if you're sad, Max. I mean, Alex told me about some stuff but", Daniel pauses, not sure whether Max even wants him to talk right now, whether it is appropriate to try and comfort him. Max sniffs quietly in reply and rolls over to look and Daniel, who is looking down at the book resting in his lap, fingers fiddling with the tenuous paper.

"Well, he's your father. And no matter how bad our parents might treat us sometimes or how much we disagree with them, they're still our parents. No matter how much we dislike them, there's just this tiny spark of affection for them we can't get rid of, I guess. This situation is scary and overwhelming and maybe I should stop talking but, just, I'm there if you need me, don't forget that. I'll help you to find a solution or I'll just offer some quiet support from the sideline if you'd rather figure this out with Alex and your family. I'm also really good at giving hugs should you ever need one."

Max laughs quietly and hides his head behind the blanket and waits until he gets rid of the embarrassment before he looks back up at Daniel who's smiling at him softly. He silently admits that it's more calming than the ceiling to him himself.

"Thank you, really. I'm lucky to have you", he tries to say and manages to on the second try after clearing his throat. His voice still sounds a little broken, but Daniel is still smiling at him and somehow that helps him to put the pieces back together.

It's the first time in three hours he dares to pick his phone up to find out who else got the news. There are a few messages from Victoria and Lando, even Carlos, but that's pretty much it. Alex would text him in the morning to check up on him, predicting that Max would not want to communicate any earlier than that before he even called him. He replies to Victoria and leaves the other messages unread, he would deal with them as soon as he feels ready, until he regains some strength to talk about it like a reasonable, calm and collected adult. Victoria is probably even more of a mess, so he asks Alex to call and comfort her. He fears that he himself couldn't deal with his sister crying just yet. As soon as he has sorted that out he opens his browser and scrolls and reads until his eyes hurt.

"I want to change our political system. Absolute monarchy is bullshit and the power my father has over the people always scared me a little. I don't want that and not changing it would make me feel stupid. It's the perfect chance for a change, right?"

Daniel looks up from his book and he looks genuinely surprised when he puts it away and shifts to show Max that he's paying attention now. He shrugs and nods when he realizes that Max is still waiting for an answer before he continues talking.

"I think I want a limited monarchy. I know, it's quite a drastic change but it's the only way I can stay in Italy. There's not that much ceremonial stuff I would have to do and I still have other family members to do it if I can't go home. I am pretty sure about it, before you ask me that. I need to talk to my mom and Victoria first of course, but in the end, it's my decision and it's the best decision I can make for the people, right?"

Max takes a deep breath and looks up from where he has been nervously playing with his fingers and he tries to look determined now. Daniel simply nods again and keeps quiet to let his husband finish and using the additional time to find an answer.

"I need your help though. And George's probably, because who knows more about limited monarchy than the British?", Max laughs and it's almost sincere. "We need to find a transition that doesn't bring extreme chaos. It's a little difficult to go from not allowing the people to have a say in politics to giving them the right to elect a parliament or at least it feels like it's going to be not exactly easy."

"So what exactly do you need me for then?"

"Italy has a constitutional monarchy, right? The constitution grants you power but it's limited. Not as limited as in other countries, but, more than in our absolute monarchy. Maybe we need to establish that first, to make the transition easier. I don't know. It would be good to have someone who grew up in a constitutional monarchy to give us some advice should we need it. Besides, I could really use some emotional support."

Daniel nods again, apparently overwhelmed by Max's ideas and confused by how much thought Max put into this, wondering about for how long he must have been planning that already.

"Alright Maxy, I'll help you. I mean, I told you I'd be there for you and if we have to overthrow the entire Dutch politics then I'll help you with that, of course I will. Don't worry, we'll figure it out. Just give your mind a break for now and get some rest, you can think about it more clearly in the morning. And like, your father is still alive so there's no need to find a solution immediately, right?"

"Right. I really don't know what I would do without you sometimes, honestly", Max replies with a quiet chuckle. He yawns and decides that he really should catch some sleep, tired from all the crying and torturing his brain with a million different thoughts at once. Daniel turns the light off and silence settles over them in the dark when their own thoughts keep them busy.

"Dan?"

His husband hums a tired affirmation, too tired to speak but still listening to Max, who reduces the gap between them on the mattress just a tiny bit.

"I think I might need a hug already."

And who is Daniel to deny him that?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to your little lesson on different forms of monarchy. I'm not exactly a politics/history teacher so if it's not correct I'm sorry. 
> 
> So there are three types of monarchy and the one that's in use in the Netherlands here is an absolute monarchy, which basically means that the monarch has absolute authority to do as he or she pleases. They can enforce any law they want and are often oppressive. A real-life example would be Saudi Arabia.
> 
> The second one is the constitutional monarchy which is the one most countries in this fiction, including Italy, have. In this kind of monarchy, the constitution of the country grants the monarch power (as Max already mentioned), which means that they can only decide about certain things established in the constitution. It's basically the fairer monarchy because the royal family still rules but they work together with a parliament and have less power than in an absolute monarchy. Examples from the real world would be Monaco or Thailand.
> 
> The third kind of monarchy is the one Max wants to establish in the Netherlands. In a limited monarchy, the royal family doesn't rule, they only have ceremonial powers and represent the country. They keep the tradition alive but they have no power over the parliament and usually don't make the laws. Examples would be Great Britain (including Canada, Australia and the rest of the Commonwealth realm) or the Netherlands (funnily enough).
> 
> I chose constitutional monarchies to be the more common ones because they still allow our historical conception of monarchs ruling over the country while combining them with our modern democracy (kind of at least?) and because it felt like the best choice. The United Kingdom stays a limited monarchy and well, the Netherlands might switch from absolute to limited monarchy. 
> 
> If there are any questions left about what the hell I'm thinking, feel free to ask in the comments below or contact me on Tumblr.
> 
> I'll see you soon with the next update :)


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi :)
> 
> I am still alive, what a surprise, and I apologize for making you all wait for so long with this chapter. I just really hope you will enjoy it.
> 
> I don't want to annoy you for too long so you can find the usual translations and useful information in the endnotes. I hope I don't offend anyone with my limited language skills.
> 
> Thanks a lot for reading, it makes me very happy to see that some people enjoy this <3

Max is definitely not in the mood for another wedding but it's Nico's wedding and Nico is his relative of some degree Max can't remember and he's really nervous so Max has to be there to support him.

It's the evening before the big event and while Daniel sacrifices himself to keep Nico's crazy sibling occupied, Max sits next to the German prince on the soft carpet of his bedroom and fiddles with the fringes of it while Nico paces through the room in circles and stresses about his life decisions in a panicked mix of German, Dutch and English.

"Scheiße Max, ich glaub ich kann das nicht."

Max sighs and gets up from the floor, shaking his legs slightly to get rid of the stinging feeling in the back of his knees after sitting cross-legged for so long. He gently grabs Nico's shoulders and stops him from running around the room.

"Shut up, Vollidiot. You love him, alright? I married someone I didn't even know, someone I didn't love and now you're telling me you're scared of marrying the love of your life. You'll be fine, Nico, I promise you that", he replies to the mental breakdown of his relative and keeps holding on to his shoulders to ground him. He knows exactly how scary a situation like this can be but he also knows that Nico will be fine. He's Nico, the confident, cheeky, funny one. He's the younger one of the German princes and the rebellious child, he's not one to simply give up.

"Come on, you can do it. You'll rock that wedding tomorrow and then you'll be happy forever and one day you can be king and Sebastian will be pissed because you'll do a better job than him, alright? Look at me, that mess worked out as well."

Nico looks down at the floor to collect his thoughts so Max finally lets go of him and sits back down on the carpet, running his fingers through the material and letting his mind wander.

"What do you mean by "didn't love" by the way? Past tense?"

"That's literally not the point right now, kop dicht. Back to your miserable love life, Nicolas. You just have to look at Lando, he was fucking terrified before his wedding. Remember how he facetimed Seb in the middle of the night and he told him to fuck off and call you instead? I don't even remember the last time I heard Seb swear."

"Must be Kimi's influence", Nico interrupts and sits down on his bed. Max nods before he continues, turning around to look at the German prince.

"What I mean is that Lando feels like he is the luckiest person in the world now and he almost called the entire thing off, it was horrible. It's the same situation now. Except your future husband is not a jerk and I approve of this, kinda."

"Should I thank you now? You're not exactly better at resisting the Mediterranean snobs", Nico claims and Max rolls his eyes and regrets taking pity on him in the first place.

"Fick dich, Nicolas."

"Don't call me that and stop with the suggestions, I'm getting married tomorrow!"

"That was not a suggestion, I have a husband", Max laughs when he leaves the room and only when he closes the door behind him does he realize the impact of his words. He tries not to think about it and walks down the hallway with his hands hidden away in the pockets of his pants.

"Is Nico still panicking?"

"Not anymore, is Seb still being a whiny bitch?"

Daniel moans in annoyance and hits himself with a pillow.

"That bad?"

Max laughs when Daniel doesn't even bother to find words for his misery and Max drops his phone on the nightstand before he leaves the room to get ready for bed. He looks tired in the mirror so he stops looking at his reflection and tries to focus on brushing his teeth to avoid any kind of thoughts for as long as he can. It sadly doesn't work as well as he wants it to.

"Maxy?"

He hums tiredly, face already buried in the soft material of the pillow and the blanket tightly wrapped around his body and God, Max has really missed proper blankets. He doesn't comment on it to avoid offending his husband and tries to enjoy it as long as he can. The window is tilted, letting the wind carry some fresh air into the bedroom and it almost lulled him to sleep before Daniel tried to engage him in a conversation.

"I think I might need a hug for once" is what actually throws him off and he manages to lift his heavy head from the pillow, the darkness of the room making his head spin. He sighs and shifts until he manages to drag the blanket out from underneath his body and lifts it up without a word. Daniel moves closer to him on the mattress and it soon becomes a mess of blankets when Max wraps his arms around his husband and yawns when Daniel rests his head against Max's chest.

He sincerely hopes that Daniel either doesn't notice or kindly ignores his rapidly beating heart.

"Are you okay?", he remembers to ask. He should find this weird because they don't really do that casually, ever. It confuses him immensely.

"Yeah, it's just fucking cold for a summer night in Germany and you're hot. I'm just thinking logically."

"Shut up and go to sleep, Scemo."

Daniel snorts at that and murmurs into the fabric of Max's shirt.

"Love you too, Principino."

Germans are extremely weird, Max thinks when he has to stand at Sebastian's side on the next morning, sweating underneath the fabric of his uniform while Nico's parents converse with the Danish King. In German, obviously, because no one could give him a break for once. Sometimes he hates how multilingual Europe has become over the past decades. Max's head hurts when they are finally allowed to enter the building after smiling for the cameras for what feels like hours and the cool temperatures inside barely offer him relief.

Dresdner Zwinger. Max has to hide a smile at the memory of Daniel trying to pronounce it properly. The story behind the choice of location isn't lost to him and Max has always been interested in the history of the kings and monarchs that ruled in Europe hundreds of years ago. Dresden is a city full of history thanks to the influence of Augustus the Strong, shaped by and well known for the neo-renaissance and baroque architecture. _It's fucking fancy_ is what Nico had said when he called Max the previous summer to deliver the good news and he's right. It's the former home of the Kings of Saxony and family seat of the Polish monarchs and it's a goddamn power move considering the historical hint.

The arranged marriage of Frederick Augustus and Maria Josepha of Austria was the biggest wedding of the century and Nico really wanted to piss off his older brother by celebrating his own one in the same environment. He's the one who always had to prove himself and now he's not only the first of the two princes to get married but he's also the one to do the job of uniting kingdoms, securing contracts and fixing the relationships with their neighboring country while Sebastian spends his days thirsting after the head of security of the Finnish crown. It's a funny story, really.

German royals are petty and the princes are the worst of them all.

It's another ceremony, the same thing as before and the same words over and over again, in German and English and Daniel tries really hard not to yawn next to him. Max gently nudges him with his elbow and earns an apologetic smile that shouldn't distract him as much as it does.

It's still warm in the evening before the sun sets and Max enjoys the weather when he's leaning against the old stone balustrade with the golden rays shining on his head. It feels like he finally gets a moment of peace, the music still audible somewhere in the background and the laughter and conversation of the guests a relaxing mumbling, far away from Max's thoughts. His finger keeps tapping on his glass while the water in it breaks the sunlight.

"Hey you", Daniel interrupts the circling of Max's mind when he appears next to him, their shoulders comfortably touching, barely divided by the fabric of black uniforms and white shirts.

"Hey. Did Seb finally stop talking about the history of the House of Wettin?"

"Please don't mention that, I beg you."

Max laughs and shakes his head and he feels almost bad for the relief that comes with Sebastian finding a new target for his extremely boring stories. Max likes history but Sebastian is just too much, even for him.

"I do have to admit that this weird local wine, I'm not even going to try to pronounce this name, isn't that bad. Germans know their alcohol. And bread."

They keep talking about random things and gossip about the other guests, mostly about Sebastian and his sad love life, while the sun slowly but surely disappears in the calm waves of the river near them. Daniel's eyes glint when he laughs about a dry comment Max made before he emptied his glass and golden light escaping the deep orange fire in the sky meets brown and leaves Max speechless for a second, wipes his brain empty.

"Are you okay?", Daniel asks with slight worry in his voice and Max finds the energy to lift his jaw back up and close his mouth. He blinks, copies of the sunlight appearing behind his eyelids, and shakes his head, not as an answer to his husband's worry but to sort his thoughts. It doesn't really work and they keep staring at each other in silence for half an eternity, blurring out everything around them, everything that doesn't matter in that exact moment.

"Dan", he whispers, voice barely audible and working and lets the gentle breeze around them carry it away. He doesn't say anything else, can't find any other words. His brain can't produce a single thought other than that, caught in a trance he can't break.

He should be surprised when he feels Daniel's arm wrapping around him and their lips colliding in the suddenly infinitesimal space between them but something inside his mind knew exactly what would happen and did exactly nothing to stop it. His brain is overwhelmed with information that isn't really new to him, the way Daniel's lips feel against his own as they move in sync with each other, the barely-there sting when his neatly trimmed stubble rubs against his own skin and the unmistakable smell of expensive Eau de Toilette and Italian summer sun.

It just never lasted long enough for him to notice all of it before.

His glass shatters on the stone floor right next to his feet when it slips from Max's fingers and that is all it takes for their bubble to pop and suddenly Daniel is gone, the warmth around Max's waist and on his jaw fading and disappearing in the blink of an eye when he takes one, two steps backward and he's still breathing heavily when panic becomes visible on his face and Max hates himself for dropping his goddamn glass.

"Spero che tu mi possa perdonare", he croaks and then he turns his back on Max and hurries away, leaving his husband and the glass shattered alike, shards and tears sparkling golden in the sunset.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Scheiße Max, ich glaub ich kann das nicht." - Shit, Max, I don't think I can do it.
> 
> "Vollidiot" - complete idiot
> 
> "Kop dicht." - Shut up. (Sorry to the Dutchies should that be wrong)
> 
> "Fick dich, Nicolas." - Fuck you, Nicolas.
> 
> "Scemo" - Fool 
> 
> "Principino" - Little Prince
> 
> "Spero che tu mi possa perdonare." - I hope you can forgive me. (Much love to [Cherryblossom2104](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cherryblossom2104/pseuds/Cherryblossom2104) for helping me with that translation <3)
> 
> As usual, feel free to correct me and help me out with the translations, I haven't been studying Dutch and Italian for a long time so some things might be incorrect or rarely used the way I used them here. Should that be the case, I apologize.
> 
> The wine Daniel was talking about is Schloss Wackerbarth wine, which isn't exactly from Dresden but from Radebeul, which is pretty close to it. I haven't tried their wine (or hot punch on the Christmas market) but according to some adults it's not bad (it's kinda cheap but ordinary mortals like alcohol too you know) and it's titled as high-quality wine, so I'll trust them. Should this information be wrong my relative will kill me before you can (he's a sommelier, I shouldn't mess with wine). 
> 
> The [Dresden Zwinger](https://www.der-dresdner-zwinger.de/en/the-dresden-zwinger/) is one of the most famous baroque buildings in Germany with international museums. It hosts theater performances and music stages nowadays. Funnily enough, they had to hurry up to finish it before the wedding of the electoral prince Frederick Augustus and Archduchess Maria Josepha (which was an arranged marriage and the biggest wedding of the century with a lot of festivals beforehand; the arranged couple was happy and had 15 children) and it was originally planned to become the new castle. It's a beautiful place and I preferred it for this story (mostly because I got to rep my home a little).
> 
> The House of Wettin Sebastian was talking about is one of Europe's oldest dynasties of German counts, dukes, prince-electors, and kings that ruled over the modern-day territories of Saxony (which is the state Dresden is the capital city of), Saxony-Anhalt and Thuringia (they also influenced Bavaria somehow) and their coat of arms is actually still Saxony's coat of arms today. Agnates of the family have ascended the thrones of Great Britain, Portugal, Belgium, and Poland before as well and, surprise surprise, are currently still retaining the British and the Belgian throne, which gave me a wonderful opportunity to make Nico, Sebastian and Max relatives. 
> 
> God, my history teacher would be proud of me now. Credits to him, my brain and 5 seconds of backup Wikipedia for the information here. Should there be any questions left you can always ask me :)
> 
> You can still find me on [Tumblr](https://komkommertijd.tumblr.com/), so feel free to scream at me there. You can sometimes find some information and sneak peeks for this story there, so you might want to check it out.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sips balsamic vinegar from my extremely fancy Milan editioned Ramazotti glass*  
> Hi cuties, it's me.
> 
> This chapter isn't really all that interesting, it's just a lot of talking and a little look into the past, nothing too special. I just can't put one big thing after the other, it's too much at once and would have felt wrong to me. I also had to make up for making fun of Sebastian all the time.
> 
> I hope this chapter is somewhat enjoyable and I hope you're having a good day today. Have fun reading this, as always <3
> 
> (It's kind of a shorter chapter, I apologize for that.)

"Max Emilian, do you care to explain why I just had to comfort your husband?", Alex asks no twenty minutes later when Max finally dared to return to the party, his tears dried and hair fixed and he shrugs before grabbing the champagne flute a waiter offers him and downing the beverage in one go. Alex bats his hand away when he reaches for another glass.

"I need to tell you something."

"Does it have to do with Daniel?"

Max rolls his eyes. Not everything in his messed-up life has to do with Daniel, he thinks and hates himself when he admits to himself that it has very much to do with his husband. He crosses his arms in front of his chest defensively and sighs. Alex lifts an eyebrow and waits for an actual answer.

"Kind of, but not with whatever happened earlier. It's just- Nico married the crown prince of Denmark", he begins while sitting back down on his designasted place. Alex occupies Daniel's seat, who's nowhere to be seen, which concerns Max immensly. He tries not to care and fails, as per usual.

"I know, that's literally the reason why we're here, Max", Alex replies dryly before he waits for Max to continue with his explanation.

"No, really? What I mean is that he's married the Danish crown prince, he's going to be the King of Denmark one day. Lando married the crown prince of Spain, the same thing applies there, right?"

"What are you trying to tell me?"

"The point is, I'm the crown prince of the Netherlands", he continues and Alex bites his lip to stop himself from making another comment. Max appreciates it for the time being.

"When my father dies, which is really just a question of time at this time, I will rightfully become King. The issue is, Daniel is a crown prince too, which makes this thing kind of really fucking difficult and strange and impossible."

"So?"

"I found a solution."

Alex is eating his third dessert when Max finishes his monologue and he struggles to pick the strawberry up with his spoon, shoving it into his mouth and chewing it with a frown on his face. He looks like an angry hamster, but Max decides not to tell him.

"So you're telling me that you want to change your political system just so you can stay in Italy and get rid of like 90 percent of your responsibilities because no one gave a fuck about the fact that your marriage can't work out like this? Wow, I wish someone loved me that much."

"Shut up, at least I'm not dating my boss's relative."

Alex swallows another strawberry and points his spoon at Max, an offended expression gracing his features when he starts coming up with an excuse.

"Yeah, because your boss is your father and marrying your direct family members is not a thing in modern royalty anymore. Also, you're not dating anyone, you're married you morron. Besides, I dated George before I even started working for you so you have no right to judge me."

"So you _are_ dating him, I fucking knew it!", Max replies, ignoring the way Alex hits his head against the table in frustration when he jumps up from his chair triumphantly. He only sits back down when Kevin's mother looks at him with confusion. If he scares the Danish royals away on the wedding day already Nico will kill him for sure.

"I just want to appreciate that you didn't deny that your little stunt is basically a love confession", Alex adds and gracefully catches the napkin Max throws at him.

"Fuck you, Alexander."

"No thanks, I have a boyfriend as you just figured out." Max rolls his eyes when Alex winks at him before he gets up to get more dessert. Max considers cutting his salary and wonders why everyone keeps making the same joke as if there was no other creative answer to that insult.

  
"Max? What are you doing here? Are you okay?"

It's almost 2 am when Max knocks on the door of Sebastian's room and awkwardly shifts his weight from one foot onto the other. When the door opens and he's looking into the tired and highly face of Nico's brother he panics for a second and he's really close to just apologizing and running away again. He decides that maybe Sebastian will understand him though, so he clears his throat and averts his gaze.

"Can I sleep here tonight? Please?"

Sebastian looks even more confused now but his expression softens when Max bites his lip, tears burning dangerously in his eyes and threatning to escape his control any second and he takes a step back to make space for Max, who immediately follows Sebastian into his room and relaxes when the warmth inside the bedroom embraces him.

It takes him back to summer vacations in Germany when they were all still children, Sebastian the oldest of them and constantly in pain because Victoria and Max wouldn't leave him alone and well, Nico has always been the most annoying brother one could imagine and it only added to Sebastian's misery. They spent their days running around, exploring woods and fields, picking apples and mimicking sword fights with branches they found on their way. 

Simpler times, as the grown-ups would call it. Max doesn't really feel like an adult now that the fabric of his socks rubs against the carpet in Sebastian's bedroom.

He remembers movie nights, apple pies and barbecues, chasing fireflies in the night and the smell of freshly cut grass and old books. Sebastian has always been in love with books and Max's thoughts wander to the magic in the air when he told the younger royals about the stories he read by the makeshift campfire in the garden. 

Max misses being little and not caring about the burden he had to carry and the responsibilities he could ignore back then.

"So, are you going to tell me what's going on?", Sebastian gently and carefully interrupts his thoughts, already sitting in his bed with the blanket covering his legs and his back comfortablly resting against the head board. Max shrugs and crawls under the blanket next to him and it should really feel weird, but it doesn't and Max is grateful for that.

"Daniel kissed me", he mumbles, voice suddenly weak as if he can't say it out loud, as if it is a horrible confirmation of what has happened. It feels as if he's cutting the last string that kept the weight and the consequences of it all from dropping onto his body and crushing him.

"And you kissed him back, right?"

He nods and fumbles with the fabric of the blanket between his jittery fingers. He cannot look at Sebastian, too embarrassed of his own confession. Sebastian just sighs softly and carefully reaches out for him to run his fingers through Max's hair, offering him comfort without pressuring him, giving him an opportunity to escape from his touch if he isn't comfortable.

"Alex told me what happened after he had to help Daniel because he was freaking out. You're both idiots."

"Thanks, Seb. Very kind of you", Max replies dryly and hides his head behind the blanket when Sebastian rolls his eyes and sighs, already done with Max's idiocity again.

"Maybe the two of you should talk about it. No one forces you to be in love with each other but that doesn't mean that you have to feel guilty when you actually develope feelings, Max. And if you're not sure about it yet, which seems to be the case, then you should tell him that. Talk, Max. You have to talk to fix things. I know, you don't like talking that much, but you have to make things right."

"I'll try", Max asserts and yawns again, fatigue and exhaust crashing over him continuously like the waves in the river near the wedding venue earlier, gently rocking him to sleep. Sebastian falls silent next to him and turns away to lie on his back, turning off the light in the room.

"Seb? Thank you."

"No problem, Maxy."

  
Getting up early in the morning is a thing Max will probably never get used to. Sebastian kicks him out at around 7:30 am and he's forced to go back to his room, hurrying through the hallways and trying to avoid people that might recognize him and ask questions. 

When he arrives at the door of his bedroom, he hesitates with his hand already lifted, not really sure whether he should knock. He doesn't know if Daniel is already awake, doesn't know if he would even open the door for Max. He doesn't really have another option though, Alex will pick them up soon to eat breakfast and catch their flight back home. It's summer but they still have stuff to do, things to arrange and to organize that can't really wait.

So Max brings his knuckle down against the expensive wood a few times, careful and gentle, barely audible. He almost leaves again and realizes that this is an issue he really has to fix. Max can't just always run away in the last second.

The door opens and Daniel comes into view, already dressed with the button of his shirt collar not closed yet and his hair hanging loosely into his eyes. When he recognizes Max in front of him he blinks, apparently surprised to see him, and then he takes a step forward and hugs his husband tightly, so tight that Max feels like it knocks the air out of his lungs.

"Where were you, Max? I was worried."

"I'm sorry", he whispers against Daniel's shoulder and then he relaxes and they just stand on the threshold in silence for a while and follow their own thoughts. Max really wants to say something, wants to apologize for all the things and make it right just like Sebastian told him to. Instead, he says nothing and screams internally at himself.

"Come on, you have to get dressed or Alex will kill us both."


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)

They do not talk about it because of course Seb was right. They are idiots.

Max tiptoes around the topic for a week and Daniel just starts talking about random things whenever they are alone, both to avoid the conversation they are supposed to have and to escape uncomfortable silence. Max appreciates it and goes along with it and they both know that they are being stupid, not least because Alex never fails to remind them.

Nico and Kevin got married in late July. It's almost September now and they still haven't talked about it. Daniel is currently reaching across the kitchen table, almost knocking over his coffee mug in the process, and trying to wipe the strawberry jam off Max's nose, who's lost in his thoughts and realizes way too late what's going on, flinching and causing Daniel to spread the sticky jam even further.

"Can you not stay still for like three seconds?", Daniel asks, pouting at his husband from across the table. Max rolls his eyes and leans closer so Daniel can wipe the jam off properly, not commenting on the matter and continuing to shove more toast into his mouth after muttering a short thanks. Daniel smiles and it feels like one step in the right direction.

Things are chill between them and they go back to normal as the usual do. Max notices that this happens a lot but decides not to mention it, Daniel continues to be the polite, charming husband every parent would want as their son in law and Alex is immensely annoyed by both of them for acting like children and successfully avoiding any kind of serious conversation about their feelings or similar things.

Mas tries to be positive and relax, even allows Daniel to hug him or wrap one arm around his shoulders because he's pretty sure that his husband doesn't even do the latter consciously and hugs are nice, he argues when his brain tries to guilt-trip him. There's no deeper meaning behind it all he tells himself and keeps smiling as if it doesn't affect him in the slightest.

Alex silently judges them and Max is pretty sure that he keeps Sebastian updated about the failure that is their conversation skills.

It's after dinner when Max is sitting on the couch in the living room trying to translate the first page of the book Daniel is reading that his husband enters the room with his phone in one hand, a bottle of prosecco in the other and an unreadable expression his face. Max looks up from the book that's on the verge of giving him a headache, sheets of thin paper filled with letters his brain can't comprehend in that combination, curious about what's going on and puts it down when Daniel puts the bottle on the table and avoids Max's eyes as if he can find the right words to say somewhere on the wall.

"I really don't know how to say this", he begins and his voice cracks halfway through it, which is enough to make Max worry. Daniel is never this serious but whatever happened seems to affect him deeply and that rarely ever happens, so Max gets up from where he's sitting on the comfy couch and takes one step towards Daniel.

"I- you- your father- Max", he stumbles over his own words and thoughts and it takes another pause and a deep breath before he continues, this time with his voice unwavering and emotionless as he finally looks Max straight in the eyes.

"There's really no nice way to say this. You're officially, well not entirely officially, King of the Netherlands now, congratulations."

Max doubts that either of them is actually happy about that news right now and figures that the prosecco is not for celebrations. He tries to think of everything he can to avoid the realisation from settling in. He breathes harder than before and Daniel still doesn't dare to touch him while Max desperately tries to cling onto every fiber of sanity that's still left inside him when his head starts spinning.

He falls forward when it all crashes down on him and Daniel is there to catch him, of course he is, holding him tightly in his arms and allowing his husband to sob against his shoulder, the fabric of his shirt soon soaked in salty tears. Max holds onto his shoulders as hard as he can and almost feels sorry but Daniel doesn't complain about it, so he stops thinking about it and keeps sobbing, his entire body trembling with the force of his panic.

"It's going to be alright. I'm so sorry honey", Daniel keeps mumbling close to Max's ear, gently stroking his back with one hand and trying to calm him down. Max tries to focus on the movement of his husband's hand on his back and his even breathing, takes in his odd smell of lasagna mixed with toothpaste and laundry detergent and slowly but surely manages to stop the steady flow of tears until his sobs quiet down and he feels his limbs grow heavy, his head blurring with exhaust.

He doesn't even know what exactly he is feeling, whether he's actually sad or relieved or happy or whether it was simply the overwhelming combined strength of all possible feelings. He doesn't know what he's feeling and Daniel does not ask him about it, instead carefully, but with gentle force, leading him back to the couch to sit down and take the weight off his legs at least. Neither Daniel nor Max himself knows how to lift the weight from his shoulders though.

Daniel silently hands Max the bottle as soon as he manages to open it and Max really doesn't want to get drunk right now, and highly doubts that prosecco will do the job anyway, but somehow it feels relieving when it runs down his throat and washes the lump away that previously occupied that space. His head is already dizzy from crying so Max hands the bottle back to Daniel, who also takes a sip of it and spins the bottle in his hands.

"I won't miss him, really, but it's just going to be weird that he's simply not there anymore, you know?"

Daniel hands him the bottle once more and hums affirmatively. Max drinks it like it's water and waits for his husband to find words. It's pleasantly quiet for a while.

"I guess it's impossible for us humans to imagine someone who's just always been there, someone who's been a part of our lives to just- leave forever and never return. There's no way of contacting them or checking their social media to see what they've been up to and we don't know what comes after we die so we can't really comprehend that someone's just simply gone and that's it."

Max nods and takes another sip from the bottle.

"Leave some of it for me, I need it after all this "questioning our existences". My brain will explode otherwise."

They both laugh and Max smiles softly at the way their fingers brush briefly when he hands the prosecco to Daniel who makes it his job to empty the bottle before he places it on the table, next to the book and gets up.

"We have nothing else", he says when he returns with an already slightly more than half empty bottle of Ramazzotti in his hand, gives it to Max and flops down on the couch, shrugging.

They shouldn't really empty it and Max knows that. Besides, Ramazzotti doesn't exactly taste amazing to him, always reminding him a little too much of cough medicine to be tolerable. Neither he nor Daniel seem to care though and Max only stops drinking when he feels like his body wants to get rid of the herbal liqueur. They don't finish the bottle but the room is definitely spinning a little more than it should when Max gets up. Somehow he still manages to hug Daniel and say good night before he stumbles into his bedroom.

He gets rid of his shirt, suddenly feeling way too hot, and the pants that are uncomfortably clinging to his legs. He makes his way to the bathroom because even with alcohol in his blood he's responsible enough to brush his teeth before he goes to sleep. His eyelids are already dangerously heavy but Max manages to brush his teeth somehow and the toothpaste really doesn't compliment the lingering sting of Ramazzotti in his mouth.

Max sinks to the floor, exhausted and tired and weak, his limbs and breath heavy when his heated skin hits the cool tiles of the wall. He sits down with his back still pressed to the wall, watches the goosebumps rising on his arms and gives in when his thoughts demand him to listen and pay attention to them. His memories carry him through the past months, through the past year and he can picture the day when Daniel took him sightseeing in Rome, remembers his husband's bright smile and excitement when they ate ice cream, _gelato_ he thinks.

He leans his head back and he's sure that he must look extremely ridiculous right now, only dressed in his underwear and a pair of almost scaringly clean white socks on the floor of his bathroom with flushed cheeks and glassy eyes.

His thoughts continue to wander through old memories and he remembers the stargazing and New Year's Eve, the way his stomach hurt from laughing too hard when Daniel tried to pronounce literally anything he read in Amsterdam, he can almost feel the water on his skin when he thinks of their last vacation and how Daniel had dragged him into the pool. He thinks about Nico's wedding and Lando's and his own. He thinks about Christmas and late-night phonecalls when Daniel was somewhere on the other side of the globe.

"Fuck", he mutters when he opens his eyes, the light almost blinding him and making something behind his temples throb painfully, and then he's hit with realization and his stomach flutters. He doubts that it's the combination of alcohol and lasagna.

He's in love with Daniel.

Godverdomme.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that happened?  
> I'm not entirely happy with how it turned out (considering that it's once again way too short) but we all know that my brain isn't capable of more than that.
> 
> Personally, I don't really drink that much alcohol (and I agree with Max on the Ramazzotti topic) and I've never been drunk, but I highly doubt that some prosecco and two shots of Ramazzotti do the job right after dinner. ANYWAYS thanks as always for supporting whatever's going on here and for reading this still. I love you all :)
> 
> Godverdomme - Goddammit in Dutch
> 
> Feel free to complain about this on [Tumblr](https://komkommertijd.tumblr.com/), I'll see you soon with the next chapter.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's ~~heartbreak time~~ time to get funky :D
> 
> There's really not much I can say about this chapter except that it's a mess and that yes, I am disappointed in myself too :")
> 
> As per usual you can find more information at the end, I hope you will enjoy this chapter!

The funeral makes Max feel sick, not because of his anxiety or the endless pain and sadness he is supposed to feel, but because he's amazed by the way the other guests manage to play pretend in those days. It's stupid and they all know it but they don't really have a choice. He lets Daniel comfort him in front of the camera and when he actually starts sobbing at some point, it's more relief than sadness and grief.

The days fly past him in a blurry mess of emotions and events and he loses count after shaking too many hands and nodding at too many condolences, promising the people that he'll get over it somehow, as if he hasn't already, thanking them for showing up while they all know that it's formalities that forbids them to stay home and simply not attend. It's a tiring week and he successfully avoids the media, posting an official statement instead, the text mostly consisting of Alex's words and suggestions.

He doesn't feel anything but emptiness in his chest at the actual day of the burial and Daniel holds his hand tightly through most of it. Victoria has to pray in Dutch and Max has to repeat it all in English and it feels wrong but neither of them had a say in this and it's tradition. What can one do against tradition?

Max is incredibly tired when he finally gets to fall into bed, mentally exhausted and drained after the funeral is finally over. It feels like a weird ending to it all, like he's closing a chapter that isn't really over yet, as if there's something missing that prevents him from feeling either happy or sad and keeps him trapped in the middle between all his feelings and thoughts.

Daniel keeps one arm wrapped around Max's waist the whole night, holding him close in his sleep while Max can't find a single second of peace, staring into the dark with his heart racing in his chest. He thinks and yet he can't form any coherent thoughts. The sun is already rising when his eyes finally close, eyelids too heavy to deny him sleep any longer, and he moves just a tiny bit closer to Daniel, falling asleep to the even movement of his husband's chest against his forehead.

To say that Max is nervous would be a huge understatement. His hands are visibly trembling and not even Daniel can calm him down this time because he's nervous too, even if he keeps denying it and smiles cooly all morning long.

It's not an actual coronation, that has never been a thing in the Netherlands much to Max's relief, but even after automatically taking over the title his father left for him there's an official public event to announce him, _and Daniel_ , as King of the Netherlands. He feels nauseous when he even thinks about that title. It's also the day of the announcement Max has been dying to make.

It's a month and a half before the first-ever parliament voting in the history of his country and the announcement of it drops like a bombshell and the excitement and positive feedback are huge. It's the first time Max ever receives praise for what he does.

It's a constitutional monarchy.

Until the end of the year at least, until they can find a smooth transition into representation, until Max is sure that it is the right thing to do, until he knows that the parliament will do good for his country and benefit the people. In hindsight, it couldn't get worse than his father's monarchy anyway.

He talks to politicians, candidates for the Parliament and he visits schools to attend their politics classes, laughs freely when the students get to ask questions about the constitution and the votings and everything else they want to know. It can't hurt to motivate the voters of the future and show them how important their opinions are. Max never got to have one growing up and having the power to give those kids the chance to voice theirs feels amazing.

He smiles more in that time than he possibly ever did before. He feels lighter, released, free to be himself and helps others to be themselves too. The parliament gives his people the chance to voice their opinions, take part in decisions and escape oppression and it was Max's idea. He has to admit that he is proud of himself, for being brave and taking the lead. Well, a little proud at least.

Maybe he can't make up for the things his father did, maybe no one can, but Max has to try because that is what he owes his country, the people.

He will not give up this time because there's nothing holding him back for the first time in his life and it feels so right that it almost hurts.

Max has to stay and be the King his father couldn't be, he has to be the one to make sure that those people that adore him more than they probably should will have a better life after all. He is determined to fix this disaster and if it completely overwhelms him and drains him until he can't think clearly anymore, then that's what he has to deal with. He's the one who took responsibility and he will do whatever it takes to be better than his father ever was, better than his father ever could have been.

The only downside of it all is that Max has to stay until they figure everything out, after all, it's his country to rule until the votings and until the parliament completely takes over with the beginning of the new year. Max has to stay and yet Daniel can't. Sure, he gets a say in the entire situation as well, he's also the King now, which is a weird thought to grasp onto, but he still has his responsibilities at home and he has to help his parents and he tells Max a million times that he simply doesn't understand the Dutch people as well as his husband does and that he really couldn't do much anyway besides nodding and smiling and hoping that Max doesn't decide anything wrong.

Max isn't fully convinced but he sees Daniel's point and he knows that it's probably the better solution. Maybe it helps him to get over his stupid feelings, maybe it helps him to focus better and maybe it helps to take his mind off things that aren't of any bigger importance.

Parting ways still hurts and Max is too pathetic to simply give in and be okay with it.

He holds Daniel's hand in the car the entire time, maybe a little too tight, and Alex rolls his eyes at least a million times. Daniel doesn't seem to mind, gently squeezing Max's hand and telling him that it will be okay.

Max really doesn't want to let him go and it's stupid and dumb and frustrating but he really can't do anything against the aching in his chest. It takes his breath away and it's overwhelming and Max doesn't know whether the tears in his eyes symbolize sadness or embarrassment. He swallows them down, looks at his fingers tightly linked together with Daniel's on his knee and blinks until his vision becomes clearer. He gets more anxious with every passing second and genuinely questions whether he will be able to survive the time apart.

Besides, they still haven't talked. It's ridiculous.

They get out of the car and Max still refuses to let go of Daniel's hand and Alex gently urges him to give his husband some space but Daniel just shakes his head and smiles at Alex, pulls Max a little closer and follows his security guards into the building. It's quiet between them, Max's thoughts getting lost in the busy buzzing of the airport and his heart too heavy for him to speak and he just holds onto Daniel's hand until they arrive at the security check and it's time to let go.

Daniel lets go of his hand and Max feels lost, unsure about what to do next.

"That's it then, huh?"

Max nods, awkwardly shifting his weight from one foot onto the other while he fiddles with his fingers, slightly sweaty and warm from where he's been holding Daniel's hand not even a minute ago. It's difficult to look at Daniel who looks just as unsure as he does, not willing to go and leave Max behind. He doesn't know whether he can actually let him go if he looks at him now, so Max avoids his eyes and takes in their surroundings. It's an airport, there's not much interesting stuff to see besides the lady scanning the tickets behind them and the door that will soon separate them.

His heart beats a little too fast for his own liking when Daniel finally hugs him, holding him close and Max swears that it only makes this worse, harder than it already is.

"I don't know if I can do it without you", he finally admits, quiet in the silence between them and feels Daniel's arms tighten around his waist. It's not the entire truth, Max is fucking terrified of what's to come in the next few months, scared to face it alone and overwhelmed by it all. He doesn't want Daniel to leave because it would mean losing the only person that could keep him sane through it all.

"You can, don't worry too much. You'll be fine", Daniel repeats the words he's been saying for days. He keeps holding onto his husband and sighs, never wanting this moment to end. Alex coughs quietly behind them, a reminder that it's time to part ways before Daniel misses his flight.

He's always just one flight away. Somehow that doesn't comfort Max in the slightest.

"I will miss you", Max says and thinks so much more, so many words he would like to use to express his feelings, to be honest for once. He lacks the courage, not brave enough to say anything but the words that hang in the air already. Max knows that it's now or never and his brain decides that never is the safer option when Daniel kisses his cheek before he lets go and cold begins to surround Max immediately.

"I'll miss you too, Maxy."

He nods and ignores the voice in his head that screams at him to do something and fix it now because he won't get another chance for a few months if he doesn't take the chance. What's the worst that could happen? They're spending some time apart anyway, enough time to get over it and ignore it and laugh it off like they usually do.

"Max? I'm proud of you, please don't forget that. You'll do fine and in three months or so you can come back to Italy and everything will be fine. It's only three months sweetheart, you can do it. I believe in you, Maxy."

Max really hopes that Daniel is right and hugs him one more time before he waves goodbye and watches as his husband smiles at him before he disappears through the door and Alex puts a hand on his shoulder and forces him to leave before he does something stupid.

Sometimes Max hates being a responsible adult.

He hates doing the right thing if it means letting Daniel go, as selfish as it may be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops.
> 
> "Majority of contemporary European monarchies today have either long abandoned coronations ceremonies (e.g. Spain, last practiced in 1494) or have never practiced coronations (e.g. Belgium, The Netherlands, Luxembourg)." - Wikipedia's contribution to this chapter and proof for why you can't blame me for not writing the fancy crowning I had in mind because I kind of try to stick to reality as far as I can and it would've felt wrong to just throw a party if there's never ever been a coronation/crowning like that in the Netherlands before. As Max said, what can you do against traditions?
> 
> I just hope that this chapter made somewhat sense and I'm sorry for everyone who was hyped for this chapter and got disappointed like that. Feel free to complain on [Tumblr](https://komkommertijd.tumblr.com/).


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, it's me, I'm still alive :)
> 
> I was a little busy the past days with school work and cleaning out my closet since I'm moving soon and it's exciting but also tiring so I didn't get much stuff done. I figured I should post this as soon as possible and still this week so I'm slightly satisfied that I managed to do that.
> 
> What else? I've been working on some other stories while listening to ABBA and I contemplated my life while writing this chapter so I hope you'll enjoy it. It's just talking and necessary conversations (or not? who knows) because yes, suffering is cool and I'm still anxious about moving too fast with this story.
> 
> Have fun reading it :)
> 
> (OH AND BY THE WAY [more content of Daniel speaking Italian](https://video.repubblica.it/motori/daniel-ricciardo-dalla-f1-un-messaggio-d-amore-per-gli-italiani/358385/358942?ref=search). Stay strong everyone, I hope you're all healthy and safe.)

It takes a while to get used to the new arrangement.

Scratch that, Max swears he can never get used to it. It's a strange thought to know that they're not even two thousand kilometers away from each other and yet they won't be able to see each other until the next year and not even their hour-long phone calls and video chats can't make up for that. It's not the same and Max hates it.

Victoria is there to distract him most of the time and she helps her brother to arrange things when he's too tired or simply not in the right mindset to make his own decisions. She gossips with him about Sebastian and Kimi, regularly tries to force Alex to tell her something about George and generally does everything to cheer Max up, who appreciates her efforts and flashes her smiles that don't reach his eyes to show that he's grateful.

Max had missed his sister a lot when he first left, after all, she was always there for him before that. Having her back now feels comforting and nice and a bit like gaining back normality but it also feels weird and Max's head is empty most of the time. He doesn't know why he feels so empty since Daniel left. 

His phone lights up with a message and Max instantly feels excited, ignoring Alex's judging expression when he picks the device up from the table and unlocks it to read Daniel's latest message. Max is supposed to focus on the discussion he's having with Alex and Victoria about something he can't bring himself to care about. Daniel's messages are way more interesting and he replies before he puts the phone back down, pretending to pay attention. 

"You're in love", Victoria states matter-of-factly when they leave the room later and Max is about to deny it and argue about it with her until she gives up but he knows that it wouldn't really help his case and simply make everything much more obvious so he keeps quiet for a second too long before he stops in his tracks and blinks in faked confusion.

"What?" is his lame response. Victoria rolls her eyes.

"You smiled when you read that message on your phone earlier during the meeting you were supposed to actively participate in and you seemed pretty excited about it, you're in love. No one cares about a stupid text like that if they're not in love, trust me."

"I'm not-", Max begins and stops himself, realizing that he's stupid and that he's doing exactly what he told himself not to do. He mentally facepalms himself and Victoria snorts next to him. She continues walking and Max decides that catching up with her would be a smart decision a while later, running down the hallway as fast as he can without seeming inappropriate and misbehaved.

"My brother is in love", Victoria repeats when Max finally walks next to her again and he sighs and keeps quiet for good this time. Judging from his sister's expression, not saying a single word basically said it all in the end. 

"I hate you, Vic."

"I know, Maxy. Because that's just what I do, I know things" is her last statement before she winks at her brother and disappears, leaving Max alone and confused in the middle of the hallway. 

"So, how's life in Den Haag?"

"You can also use the English name and stop ruining my language Daniel", Max replies and shifts underneath his blanket to lay down in a more comfortable position, phone in hand and Daniel on the screen in a quality his internet provider should be ashamed of, shaking his head and laughing at what Max just said.

"Are you trying to avoid giving me a serious answer sweetie?"

"Shut up."

Max regrets saying it when Daniel threatens to hang up and he hates the way his heart sinks while he laughs along because his head knows that it's a joke. It's a joke and Daniel wouldn't just hang up on him and Max is really just one big joke himself. He rolls his eyes and smiles at the camera, lets his head fall down on his pillow, shaking it lightly to get rid of the strand of hair that looks a little weird in the little square on the screen of his phone that contains his every movement.

"Well if you don't want to tell me that's fine. I had a video conference today concerning that weird deal we want to make with Spain and I was so close to flying over to kick Carlos's ass. They're goddamn assholes sometimes", Daniel continues the conversation instead of following Max's friendly request to keep quiet, and Max yawns into the soft fabric of his pillow while he tries to listen to what his husband has to say.

"How's Antonio?", Max asks to change the topic before Daniel starts complaining about business and it works when his husband laughs and rubs one hand across his face, probably to avoid the exhaustion just like Max is trying by continuously moving around the bed to feel more comfortable.

"He's still an idiot but it was helpful to have him there to deal with things. He's in Palermo now to keep an eye on the export situation."

"I hate economy", Max says, just to contribute something to the conversation and he smiles tiredly when Daniel tells him that he knows it, and the conversation shifts to banter, random things and insults that neither of them means and takes seriously.

It's easier to talk to Daniel now and it's easier to show genuine reactions and laugh loudly where Max used to restrict himself to tiny smiles and gentle nods. He could probably fall asleep on the call and Daniel wouldn't care, wouldn't feel offended and simply hang up after quietly wishing Max a good night and sweet dreams. Everything is so much easier than it used to be even two months ago.

Max knows who to blame but he doesn't and laughs at another joke instead to wash the feeling of unease that suddenly spikes up inside him away. Daniel seems to notice and asks him a question to take his mind off the issue and Max feels grateful for his husband's help.

It's way past midnight when Max finally gets out of the car and straight into the shower to overthink the events of the day that now lays behind him. It's easier in the quiet environment where only the water and the steady rhythm of it pattering against the tiles accompany him, where he's isolated from everyone else and in a more relaxed, more peaceful state of mind.

Alex is still awake when Max sneaks into his room later, feeling refreshed and toasty after the shower, his head a little clearer after making peace with his thoughts and feelings. He carefully sits down on the bed, the mattress dipping under the combined weight of him and his friend, and Alex puts down his phone and looks at Max with a silent question written on his face.

"I think I'm in love with Daniel", he says and there's something freeing in the way the words roll off his tongue and it's the first time he admits it out loud. It makes the weight of his struggle and insecurity disappear from his shoulders and he breathes a little easier when Alex leans forward, face straight, and features unwavering.

"No shit Sherlock, you're like the last person on this planet to notice that. Besides Daniel himself obviously. No offense or anything, but you're both incredibly stupid."

Max only nods and doesn't even try to fight back this time because he knows that Alex is right, he usually is. They both stay quiet to let reality sink in and Alex is the first one to break the silence a few minutes later, asking a question that Max really should have expected and still feels overwhelmed by. 

"So, are you going to tell him about your feelings?"

Max opens his mouth, tries to find words but can't and closes it again, his teeth crunching when they meet in the middle and Alex sighs like Max's silence is enough of a reply already. It probably is and Alex understands it and shakes his head, repeating what Max already knows.

He's an idiot and a cowardly one on top of it.

"Hey, Dan?", Max tries to catch his husband's attention when they're on the phone a few weeks later. It's November now and the preparations for the election are taking up most of Max's time, so he really tries to make an effort to stay up a little longer to talk to Daniel in the evenings. 

Alex kept pestering him to talk about his feelings and the things on his mind with Daniel and Max kept finding excuses not to do it but the way Daniel laughed at a joke he made five minutes ago kind of changed his mind. Maybe Max has to acknowledge that Alex is right and just blurt out the truth in the clumsy way he always does. Maybe it's time to stop being an idiot for a few seconds.

He could always just hang up, he could pretend that it was a joke and laugh it off until his chest stops hurting, he could just turn his phone off until the end of the year and wait for the problem to solve itself. Max is bad at talking about any kind of feelings and he doubts that he can openly talk about love when talking about minor inconveniences is already hard enough, but he has to try, for his own sake, and because Daniel deserves honesty after Max put him through so much trouble already.

Daniel hums quietly on the other side of the screen and looks up from where he's been scrolling around on his laptop to look for an article he wants to show Max, face illuminated in the artificial blue hue of the device when he directs all his attention towards Max.

His heart is beating a little too fast for his own liking when Max tries to find the right words and his throat feels dry and breathing becomes harder again. Daniel waits patiently like he always does and Max feels tears welling up in his own eyes, making them burn when he averts his gaze. His husband stays quiet and waits for him to speak and Max continues to be the ridiculous coward that he is when he rings for words and air at the same time.

Max's mind is swept empty and the chaos that's raging behind his ribcage is almost too much to handle at this point when his fingers begin to tremble and a nauseous feeling builds in the pit of his stomach, making his head dizzy with panic.

"I'm-", he tries and takes a deep breath, knowing that he has to take this chance to allow himself relief and peace. He knows that he owes it to Daniel, that he should be honest and tell him about the confusion he causes in Max's heart and that his husband deserves to know what's going on in Max's mind.

He knows. Max knows it and he opens his mouth to try again, overwhelmed by his emotions. He knows that he should do it, he really does.

"Nevermind. What was that article about?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)
> 
> You can find me on [Tumblr](https://komkommertijd.tumblr.com/) and you can now listen to my [writing playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5v7Mk6keTs6FD97QiKhvGn?si=GaJLxVZrQrOXETPfQtZIow) on Spotify.
> 
> That's all for now, I will see you soon with more disappointment <3


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In honor of the Dutch King's Day (happy birthday Willem-Alexander, by the way, haha) I went full productivity mode and finished this chapter for you.
> 
> There's not much to be said about this chapter except you're welcome. I once again skipped a little bit of time because I'm impatient and all the other stuff wasn't really that important? I just hope that I paid enough attention to the respective events of this chapter (mostly the last aspect though).
> 
> To quote my own [Tumblr](https://komkommertijd.tumblr.com/) post, I'm cancelling this AU if no one screams at me this time. Thanks a million to everyone who still keeps up with this stuff though, no matter whether you scream or not <3

The elections are a pain to organize but it goes by relatively peaceful and struggle-free and the first meeting with the elected parliament is an event that makes Max feel a little proud of his own work. The politicians are competent people who know what they're talking about, well most of them anyway, and people who take their jobs seriously. They are proud to represent the country and Max is happy to give away the political part of the job to them. The meeting is mostly about congratulating them for securing a seat in the parliament, reminding them of what they signed up for and discussing changes to the constitution.

December is a lot quieter after that and Max realizes only then that he did kind of miss his home before he returned. There's not a lot of snow but it's cold nevertheless and he enjoys the cool air biting his nose and ears for once. There is something strangely wonderful about spending Christmas at home with the traditions he's used to but in a home that's filled with laughter now, where the evenings feel a lot warmer and cozy when he sits in the fireplace room with Victoria and Alex and plays card games with them. Max doesn't even remember the last time he played card games.

Alex goes back to England for the actual Christmas holidays and sends greetings from Buckingham Palace, looking slightly embarrassed but still so happy and content on the pictures attached to his messages. It's been a while since Max last met George and Alex hangs up on their video chat when George and Max converse without him. It faintly reminds Max of Lando and Daniel.

He tries not to think about Daniel when he can avoid it.

New Year's Eve offers some more snow and bright fireworks. Max barely holds in his screams when Alex chases him around the courtyard with a sparkler while Victoria calls them children and Max's mother watches them with a fond expression on her face. The sparkler is long burned down when Alex finally catches Max and they're still breathing heavily when they clink glasses later, cheeks red from the cold and their faces lighting up with bright smiles. They drink to a successful, lucky and healthy year and Alex almost drops when he adds "and to love" with a suggestive undertone that earns him a shove by Max's elbow.

Victoria laughs and changes the topic when Max's mother is about to ask what that is about and sometimes having siblings isn't all that bad. She exchanges a knowing glance with Alex though and Max cancels his earlier train of thought immediately to roll his eyes.

He thinks back to the last New Year's Eve briefly and downs the rest of his champagne in one go to get rid of the weird tingly sensation in his stomach. He shouldn't be thinking about it too hard, it was stupid and a joke and that's all it ever is. A joke, nothing serious.

To say that Max is nervous would be an understatement. He's brimming with excitement and his hands feel a little jittery when he tries to take his mind of the situation in the car. They are on the way to the airport, suitcases safely hidden away in the trunk and comfortable clothes packed in their backpacks so they could get changed for the flight and Max just wants to switch his dress shirt for one of the warm hoodies already, even if his body doesn't tremble just because of the cold. Alex sits next to him in the back and scrolls through his phone as he usually does, either to post something or to keep up with the news and the worldwide political situation, or maybe he's just texting George. Max figures that he doesn't really care all that much.

In his mind they're already back in Rome, back at home and back in an environment that feels a lot more comfortable to Max than the Netherlands ever did. In reality, they are still standing at the airport waiting for their jet and Max jaws quietly next to his guard. The sun is nowhere to be seen at the horizon and it's too damn early to be awake but Max was being serious when he told Alex that he wanted to take the first flight possible and he doesn't dare to complain about it now.

The entire crew is way too happy for the early morning and Alex greets the captain grumpily before he takes his seat and falls back asleep on the spot as soon as they leave the ground. Max sits on the other side and looks outside the window, watching the tarmac speed past him until they lift into the sky and his stomach feels weird for a minute. The twilight above the clouds makes him feel uneasy and his mind wanders back to the long-awaited reunion that lays ahead of him. His eyes feel heavy and his brain is still fogged with exhaustion. Max is unable to fall asleep right now though, no matter how tired he might be, he's too excited to close his eyes and he's not quite sure whether it is positive excitement or the nervous kind that makes his stomach churn.

He has not talked to Daniel since Christmas. Sure, they texted here and there, the usual "how are you doing?" and New Year's wishes. Max even wore the red underwear for New Year's again but that's really no one business and certainly not something he would text to anyone in the universe, so the jokes and funny stories were rather limited over the past week. The chance of their first meeting being awkward is high and Max's anxiety really dislikes that but he tries to calm down while his fingers keep fiddling with the expensive fabric of his seat.

Max decided that the parliament does a good job and trusts his politicians not to fuck things up so he took the next step back not even a month after the elections in late November. It's barely January now and Max has a lot fewer responsibilities than he thought he would have for most of his life. Representative tasks have always been part of the job he was born into and the change is really not that big, maybe ignoring the additional security guards he was required to tote around with him. Sometimes he feels bad for dragging Daniel into it as well, who makes way less of a deal about his new title but still has to deal with the new security measurements.

His stomach drops for various reasons when they touch down in Rome. Alex has to basically drag him out of the jet and towards the building. Max tries to recount how many times he was close to vomiting right there on the tarmac and somehow he has to get rid of this habit of getting nervous and jittery every time he returns to Rome. It's not the airport's fault that he's a coward.

He makes an excuse to wait for the guards and the luggage while his hands grow sweaty in the cool temperatures and he tries to hide inside his hoodie, head hanging down and eyes glued to the floor as he follows Alex, who moans in annoyance, still tired and not in the best of moods even without Max's idiocy, and forces Max to move. He does so after the third shove and holds onto the phone in his hand a little tighter, trying to fix his hair without causing any attention, which is pretty much useless as a public figure.

The door to the arrivals area opens in front of him and he's confronted by the usual noise of an international airport at 8 am in the morning, the artificial smell and busy people rushing around, not paying a single second of attention to him. He's glad that no one cares for once.

Max swears his heart stops for a second when he sports Daniel at the far end of the area, chatting with his guard and laughing at something, not aware of Max's arrival just like everyone else. Max watches with an amused expression how one of the other guards informs him about the current events and Max can't really help but smile when Daniel turns around to look at him with a similarly excited smile on his face.

"Come on, you can go", Alex says behind Max and shoves him another step forward, more of a motivating nudge this time, giving him permission to let his guard down for a few seconds. Even Max deserves to be human sometimes.

Daniel meets him halfway when he decides to not care about his image and runs towards the group of people waiting for him and Max can feel the tears burning in his eyes when Daniel's arms wrap around him and he finally feels genuinely at home for the first time in months. He's still smiling when he returns the hug and tries to keep his tears in.

Neither of them really wants to let go when Daniel pulls back slightly to look at Max, the smile still plastered on his face. He takes a deep breath and makes a move to say something but Max shakes his head, not trusting his own voice and his head to find a coherent reply to whatever he might want to say.

So instead of letting him speak Max takes a leap of faith and closes the last bit of distance between them. Daniel makes a surprised noise against his lips before he relaxes and tries to pull Max even closer and Max feels even dizzier now than he did before, head spinning with a million thoughts flooding his brain and yet Max is unable to focus on any of them, too distracted by the movement of Daniel's lips against his own.

Panic rises in his chest when Daniel pulls away though, slowly disappearing from Max's proximity, but it quickly subsides when his husband laughs quietly and nudges their noses together gently, still holding onto Max tightly.

"I missed you too", he whispers in the space between them and Max can't help but laugh as well when a single tear escapes his eye, a tear of relief more than anything else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You may scream now, thanks :)


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi cuties :)
> 
> This chapter is uhhh interesting, to say the least, and I would apologize beforehand if I was sorry but like, I'm not really? It's the plot and I don't make the rules (I do but let's ignore that) and you can't expect me to be nice for longer than a second huh
> 
> I personally don't know whether I like the way I described the emotions in this chapter but oh well, I hope you enjoy it anyway. Or enjoy it as far as it is enjoyable. 
> 
> Please remember that I love you all and have fun reading :)💛

Max ignores the question about what took him so long that Alex murmurs next to him and focuses on enjoying being close to Daniel again, who has one arm still wrapped around Max as they are walking to the exit.

They have a lot to talk about and Max is excited, his system flooded with positive feelings now and his husband laughs when he talks a mile a minute about the election and other events, mainly Christmas and New Year's Eve. Daniel interrupts him once in a while to ask questions, showing that he's actually listening and Max appreciates it. Alex looks like he is close to falling asleep again, Max feels wide awake and Daniel smiles at his excitement.

They don't talk about the kiss any further.

Max considers going back to sleep when he drops his luggage in his bedroom, suddenly feeling a lot more exhausted than before, but Daniel is making breakfast and already provided Alex with coffee, so he decides that starting the day is a better idea than hiding away from the world, He could always do that later.

It turns out he can't really because Alex forces him to do some interviews, luckily over Skype though so Max doesn't have to leave the house, and other minor things that are annoying but necessary to do rather sooner than later. One of those things is calling Lando and texting Victoria to tell them that he arrived safely and Max finally gets to change into comfortable clothes after lunch.

Alex looks almost just as tired as he did when they left Den Haag so Max opts for occupying the living room with him, both of them sitting on the couch with their respective laptops, answering emails and scrolling through social platforms respectively while Daniel is busy with important calls and dealing with annoying politicians.

The three of them eat dinner together before Alex leaves and Max has to wrestle with the dishwasher to get the plates inside. The house feels quiet when he finally puts the tab in and lets the dishwasher do its job. Max forces his heavy limbs up the stairs to get changed and ready for bed, which takes him a lot less time than he thought it would. He feels weird when he sits down on the mattress of his bed as if there's an unresolved tension in his body. Maybe he just has to get used to the bed again, Max thinks and shrugs, grabbing his phone before he goes back downstairs to sit on the couch until he feels ready to go to bed.

"I'm not going to sleep before we haven't talked about this, Max", Daniel begins when he steps into the living room ten minutes after his husband and Max puts his phone down, trying to keep a straight face while his heart beats so fast he feels as if it's going to explode. He knows exactly what this is about and he also knows that he can't really escape the situation, so Max does what he usually does and answers with a counter-question.

"What do we have to talk about?"

And Daniel really isn't stupid enough to think that Max doesn't know exactly what's going on. It's visible in his expression when he walks over from the door to stand next to the coffee table, keeping a safe distance to Max. He crosses his arms in front of his chest before he answers Max's question.

"You know exactly what this is all about."

Max is stubborn and he hates himself when he shakes his head and emphasizes it with "I don't have a clue", which causes Daniel to sigh and Max isn't quite sure whether it was out of annoyance or simply out of exhaustion after beating around the bush for so long.

"Don't pretend like you're innocent, we have to talk about that scene at the airport today. Why did you kiss me?"

And Max wants to scream, his head is definitely about to do it anyway, because he doesn't really know how to answer that without embarrassing himself. It would be childish to reproach Daniel for in fact kissing back, so Max doesn't do that. He also can't really talk about the real reason behind his actions because he still hasn't figured it out fully and his feelings are a confusing cable clutter that he still has to untangle and explaining that to Daniel probably wouldn't end well.

"I don't know", Max says instead and frantically tries to find any kind of indication of Daniel's thoughts on it all on his face and failing to read the emotions behind his blank expression. He swallows hard and fiddles with the hem of his shirt before he digs his fingernails into the skin of his thigh to keep himself under control. He avoids Daniel's eyes when he continues talking.

"I just, I have no idea, okay? I saw you and I just wanted to kiss you, that's all."

It's not even something, really, and Daniel huffs with ironic amusement, biting his lip and shaking his head slightly at Max's words. He knows that it was stupid to say that, even if it isn't entirely a lie, it just isn't the full truth either. It's a tiny glimpse of everything that went through Max's head before he made that decision and he can't remember half of it, but he knows that there's more to it than just a random urge.

"You can't just kiss people because you want to, Max", Daniel responds and he almost sounds taunting now, voice slightly raised and Max really doesn't like that. He understands that Daniel demands a real explanation and he admits that his excuse isn't really all that helpful, but he can't stand the way Daniel blames it all on him as if he hasn't done anything. Max gets up from where he's been sitting on the couch but doesn't move any further.

He feels tears forming in his eyes and he's aware of how childish he's being, but he can't make Daniel understand his feelings. Max is complicated and weird and no one ever understands him. Not a single word leaves his mouth when he opens it at first but then he somehow manages to force his thoughts out, slightly louder than he wanted, the despair playing into it all.

"As if you're one to talk. Do you remember what you did at Nico's wedding? You're not any better than I am."

It seems to do the trick because Daniel suddenly looks baffled, hurt glinting in his eyes when he's the one struggling for words now. Max realizes that he probably went a little too far by digging up old problems that already buried themselves a long time ago.

"You know that I'm sorry for what happened in Germany, but I didn't kiss you just because I suddenly felt like it. I kissed you because I'm in love with you, do you not understand that?"

"No I don't", Max retorts, almost yelling now with pent-up frustration and tears in his eyes. He hates the way his voice wavers but he chooses to ignore it, trying to keep his guard up and hiding his emotions. Max really doesn't understand, the concept of being loved isn't exactly one he's all that familiar with.

"I don't understand because I do not- I don't feel that, okay?"

The silence that follows is deafening and they stare at each other and Max once again tries to get behind Daniel's expression and once again he fails when his husband averts his eyes and looks at the floor instead. He nods slightly and when he looks back up Max feels something in his chest ache and it knocks his breath out of his lungs.

"Okay. Thanks for your honesty", Daniel breaks the silence and it's almost scary how calm he sounds and Max feels horrible when he sees sadness mixing with tears in his eyes. He wants to say something, anything to fix this but he knows that he can't fix that, knows that he once again ruined everything.

"Good night, Max."

He wants to stop Daniel from leaving but he can't move a single muscle, the panic paralyzing him. He wants to scream but his voice fails him. All he can do is watch with hot tears running down his cheeks. Max knows that he seriously hurt Daniel this time and he knows that hurting people is what he does best and yet it feels so much worse this time. This isn't Lando, who knows that Max doesn't mean the hurtful words he says, it isn't Alex who understands where those words come from, it's not Sebastian who hugs Max and lets him cry when he says those words. It's Daniel and Daniel doesn't know because Max is a coward and doesn't know how to tell him. It's Daniel and what Max just said couldn't be fixed by a hug or an apology.

Honesty.

He wasn't being honest when he said those words earlier, he was panicking, worrying, confused, and anxious about his own feelings. He wasn't being honest when he denied everything he admitted barely a few months ago. He doesn't know what's right anymore, unsure about the things he confessed to Victoria and Alex a few months ago and questioning the honesty behind those words, questioning what made him feel so sure back then.

Max can't be honest with Daniel if he can't even be honest with himself.

They fall asleep in separate beds that night and Max stares at the ceiling and lets his tears fall, with an ache in his chest he can't explain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am: ready for the screaming. 
> 
> Feel free to scream at me on [Tumblr](https://komkommertijd.tumblr.com/) as well and have a nice day <3


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unfortunately, I'm still alive :)))
> 
> I took some time off from writing this to work on some other things and because I needed a break for a while. I did some more plotting and I finally wrote down the timeline of this story to avoid stupid mistakes and then I just suddenly wrote half of this chapter last night and finished it now. 
> 
> I was busy with some deadlines for school (aka I prepared a presentation and a PowerPoint that was due to today and that we had like four weeks time for in one day) and then I did seven pages of schoolwork for English about the US Government and monarchy in the UK and ugh, online school is really getting on my nerves. I just hope I'll have time to get some more writing done soon so you won't have to wait for too long for a new update.
> 
> So this chapter is, well, interesting. We get some kind of explanation as to why Max has been an idiot for so long (I really tried at least) and if you read carefully you might find some tiny little background info on Simi? I don't know whether it counts but we'll see. Other than that there's not much to be said except: you're welcome :)
> 
> Have fun with it and feel free to complain as per usual <3

It's almost 4 am and Max can't sleep. He's managed to fall asleep before twice that night and he's woken up twice before, sweating and breathing heavily, and falling back asleep hasn't been easy but he's managed to do it and now he's wide awake and yet he's unbelievably tired and his eyes hurt in the darkness of his bedroom. There is a weird emotion filling every fiber of his body and his chest feels tight, making breathing harder now.

Guilt. There's guilt swimming somewhere in the back of his mind and his heart feels a little broken. He's sad, unsure, overwhelmed and he knows that it's his own fault. The uncertainty, the what-ifs, they are all his fault. There are a million things and not a single coherent thought on his mind at the same time, making his head hurt and confusing Max in his barely awake but not asleep enough state.

He knows what's going on inside his head and at the same time he doesn't, can't put it together like puzzle pieces with incompatible edges that look like they just have to be next to each other in the bigger picture in the end. He drags his heavy limbs and tired bones across the mattress that feels so foreign after being away for too long, until he faces the window, hidden away behind the curtains that barely allowed some of the pale moonlight to dip his room into a soft blue glow.

Max focuses on the light, carefully taking in his surroundings, feeling the firm mattress underneath his body, the blanket that rustles whenever he moves, the warmth contrasting with the cool night air that's filling his room. He tries to ground himself that way, calming his nerves down so he can think clearly because Max really has to think. He has to think so he can make things right and he has to think to find a way to put the chaos in his brain into words.

He thinks back to the things his father used to tell him growing up and he knows that it wasn't the good kind of parental advice he received, which is probably the reason why it stuck with him for so long. He remembers rants about how love destroys people and the way he wondered how a man who once loved his mother - or did he? - could say things like this about what is supposedly the best feeling in the world. Max doesn't want to blame his personal reaction on his father, it was his own decision to hate the way a smile and nice words affected him in the end.

Love is scary, it's the scariest thing in the world, according to Sebastian. He's been telling Max about that for years, ever since the first time he cried in summer when their families spent time together in Germany after Seb accompanied his father on his annual trip to Scandinavia. He remembers the tears in his eyes and the soft smile on his face as he talked about the way love can hurt without meaning to and about the uncertainty that's always looming somewhere in the back of one's mind. Max remembers hugging Sebastian just a little tighter and the way he tried to comfort his lovesick relative.

They were children back then, well Max was, and yet it stuck with him and Seb wasn't entirely wrong. Love is scary. And Max can only imagine how scary it must have been back then for Seb to talk about it. Of course, Max didn't fully understand it back then but he thinks that he couldn't have offered any more help than he did anyway, distracting him from the pain and the sadness with actions rather than big words like the adults always did.

Love is scary and admitting his feelings, realizing that they are there and inevitable, scares him just as much. He's always had a hard time talking about the things that occupy his mind, he never found the right words to describe his feelings, and Max hates it. He wants to be able to express himself the way Alex can. Alex, who doesn't get anxious when he's writing emails the way Max does, Alex who's happy and in love and admitting to it while Max doesn't even dare to admit it to himself. He never showed it, obviously, but he admired Alex a lot for the many things he could do, the things Max was too shy and anxious to do and the things Max simply lacked the talent for. Alex is somehow that what most children see in their father, not that Max sees Alex as a father figure of any kind, hell no, but he is funny and kind, always in a good mood and he can do anything, he's good at everything he tries and he's loving and someone who has his life sorted out. Max admires him so much. Maybe he should tell Alex that one day when he gathers enough courage to do it.

His mind wanders back to the problem at hand and his stomach feels like it's performing a frontflip. Max has no idea how he should tell Daniel about it all, about his struggles and the uncertainty about his feelings. He's spent most of the week between Christmas and New Year in his bed if he didn't have any event to attend or anything to take part in, wrapped up in his blanket, and scrolling through the web researching what being in love supposedly feels like. It wasn't helpful at all, Max didn't stop questioning himself and he didn't know whether that what he felt was really the same as what he told his sister a few months before.

He figured that he might just imagine it all. Max stopped scrolling through the web then to get rid of the weird feeling that occupied every single thought of his. Maybe it would stop if he didn't encourage it any further.

But it didn't stop and now he's laying in his bed, alone while his husband is sleeping next door with hurt feelings and it's all Max's fault. It's Max's fault that he denied his feelings and it's his fault that he forced his mind to ignore what his heart knew all along.

He tries to go back to sleep but his latest realization is truly unsettling and he can't close his eyes despite feeling exhausted and overfatigued. He has to make things right.

Max decides that simply laying there and knowing what he has to do won't do anything at all and after sighing loudly in the silence of his suddenly way too big bedroom, he wrestles the heavy blankets off his body, clumsily tangling it around his legs and shivering as cold air embraces him. He carefully sits up on the bed, scooting closer to the edge of the mattress until he can safely place his feet on the floor. He feels dizzy but he gets up anyway, trying to be quiet and walk in a straight line, drunk on sleep deprivation and feelings he needs to get out.

"Daniel?"

He only gets a grumpy sigh in return and he can barely make out the different shapes in Daniel's bedroom in the darkness of the night. It's awkward, the way he's standing next to his husband's bed like a stupid child that complains about not being able to sleep, and only then does he realize that he barely ever spent time in Daniel's bedroom before. That realization makes him feel a lot more uncomfortable as he shifts his weight from one foot onto the other on a carpet that feels new and foreign underneath his feet. It has something way too intimate, being in Daniel's room.

"What's wrong?", Daniel asks when he finally gathers the willpower to sit up in his bed, blanket wrapped around his waist, and his hair sticking up in every possible direction. Max can't exactly identify the emotions on his face but his voice sounds nothing but sleepy and calm. There's an undertone of worry Max pays little attention to.

"I can't sleep."

It sounds stupid to say that now and he's close to turning around on the spot to run back into his own room and cry until the embarrassment and the tears become too much and exhaustion lets him fall asleep, but Daniel yawns and lays back down, unwrapping the blanket and holding it up to signal Max that he's supposed to stay now that he's interrupted his husband's sleep already. He takes a deep breath before he lays down next to Daniel, who lets the hand that's holding on to the blanket fall on Max's back, the arm that's now inevitably wrapped around him pulling him closer so they both fit underneath the blanket.

Daniel feels warm next to him, a cozy source of heat and Max is tired and cold after walking around the house in the middle of the night, so he moves impossibly closer and Daniel wraps his arm around him a little tighter and it soothes some of the anxious tension in Max's body. It's good to know that Daniel apparently regrets their earlier fight as well, not holding a grudge and instead holding on to Max who finds comfort in the warmth of their proximity.

He's not mad at him. He won't scream, he won't tell Max all the million things he did wrong, he won't tell him that he's stupid and that his feelings are invalid. Daniel will just try to offer him safety and caring touches until he feels better again.

"I've never been in love before", Max begins and Daniel keeps quiet, which is enough for him to keep talking in return. "I never got close enough to anyone to fall in love with them and if there was a glimpse of a possibility, a tiny bit of hope for me, then it was bound to end sooner rather than later. I was always told that being in love is distracting, it ruins me and my work and what ruins my work is bound to ruin the image of the entire family. Loving someone makes me weak and I was afraid of even being friends with Alex back then. I was not supposed to get attached to anyone. I've never been in love before and I don't know what being loved feels like either, I've never experienced that. I was scared of letting people come too close because I didn't want to get hurt. Love makes one vulnerable."

Max is amazed by how many words he managed to string together and Daniel is still holding on to him, listening patiently and running his hand across Max's back to soothe him and keep the anxiety tingling in his spine at bay. Daniel's chest moves in a steady rhythm underneath Max's head while his own is having a hard time with the record-breaking speed of his heartbeat underneath it.

"I apologize for what happened earlier, I messed it up big time. I just felt pressured and I panicked because I needed more time and finding the right answer on the spot isn't one of my strong points really. I didn't mean to hurt you but I did it because I was trying to protect myself from getting hurt. That's the only way I learned how to deal with my feelings, you know? Deny them and hurt other people before they can hurt me. I'm really sorry, Dan."

"It's okay, I shouldn't have kept pushing you when you were clearly not comfortable with it all. Neither of us is really innocent in that situation. I apologize for that", Daniel replies, his voice quiet in the darkness and calming in Max's ears. He nods slightly, his head brushing against Daniel's chest in the motion.

"I never learned what love is supposed to feel like, but I'm almost certain that it is what I feel when I'm with you. The way your hugs make me feel just a little bit safer and your happiness is just a bit more infectious. I don't know what love is supposed to feel like, but being with you just feels right in a way I can't explain. It makes me feel more complete. I'm still questioning it all and I haven't quite figured it out yet but I know that I don't want to lose you and hurting you feels horrible and I know-"

He doesn't get any further than that for Daniel interrupts his desperate rambling by removing his arm to gently tilt his head up and Max's words get caught up in his throat when his lips collide with Daniel's. It's unhurried this time, tiredness slowing down their movements and it doesn't last long but Max feels something inside him click in place and he can't help but smile when he pulls away to breathe. His chest is bubbling with unusual happiness and for the first time in a while, he breathes without the tense feeling in his body.

It just feels right.

"I love you, Max", Daniel whispers into the space between them before he wraps his arm back around Max's waist and pulls him closer, pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead. Max doesn't say anything, his voice would undoubtedly fail him if he tried, but he doesn't have to. They will figure it out, no matter how long it takes, and they will do it together.

That's all that matters in the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am very anxious about the pace of this chapter because it somehow seemed weird to me that they made up this fast? But oh well, they both admitted that they did things wrong and Max explained why he's an idiot and well- maybe it's okay. I don't know.
> 
> Thank you for reading this anyway <3


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while huh
> 
> Some mental breakdowns, a few days of not writing at all and "I swear I'll only write the first two paragraphs" yesterday evening later, we're here and better than ever, well, or worse, who knows. This chapter is quite emotional and while I, as per usual, didn't manage to bring it all across as wanted and not even half as good as in my imagination, it's acceptable, decent one may even say. Some more fighting and an attempt at writing something a little fluffier and lighter that seemed like the best thing ever to me last night but feels fairly weird now that I'm thinking about it.
> 
> My motivation spiked after writing [this](https://komkommertijd.tumblr.com/post/617940614971047936/i-mean-imo-you-dont-need-to-have-a-psychology) (unfortunately) and I finally sat down and wrote the 2.7k of a mess that this is. I might try to write some more this weekend since I'm moving tomorrow and I can actually go to school (for like three hours) on Tuesday and I'm generally stressed with finishing my coursework (aka French, everything else is chill).
> 
> Anyway, enough with the stupid rambling. Have fun with this chapter, I hope it's somewhat enjoyable <3

It's all a lot more relaxed after that night and Max finds that Daniel becomes rather touchy once he's got the clear permission, always crowding Max's space and having one arm slung across his shoulder or wrapped around his waist and it's oddly comforting. Max surely doesn't plan on complaining about it, he's not touch-starved but it's certainly nice to have someone who handles him with care instead of shoving him around.

"Are you cold?", Daniel asks, effectively interrupting Charles's rambling for the first time in ten minutes and Max nods, he decided that being honest is really the better choice, after all, trying to keep his teeth from clattering while he continuously shifts his weight from one foot onto the other with his hands hidden in the pockets of his jacket.

Daniel then proceeds to unbutton his coat, pulling Max towards him and wrapping his arms, and the coat, around him, which warms not only Max's body but also his heart and he gives his husband a thankful smile before paying attention to whatever Charles is saying, it's not that interesting at all but Max knows how to be polite. He still tries to figure out why the hell they're even standing outside in the cold but remains clueless and huddled up with his back against Daniel's chest, who now rests his chin on Max's shoulder and sighs desperately. Max chuckles quietly and rolls his eyes when Esteban looks at him with amusement and mutual annoyance.

The rest of the day isn't all that special, it's the annual meeting in Versailles after all, and Max spends most of the time eating, talking about politics he doesn't quite understand and tries his best to care about, and trying to escape Lando's nosy questions about him and Daniel. He manages to hide behind Sebastian at some point, who's more or less talking to Valtteri, and it gives him a few minutes of peace and God, he wants to go home.

"Come on Max, you have to understand that it's a good solution and beneficial for both of us!", Charles argues and he's frantically walking through the hallway in circles, he will surely burn a hole in the expensive carpet if he keeps up the speed. Max only rolls his eyes, not really wanting to have that conversation now and it's stupid anyway and he stands his ground, he's definitely not going to make any stupid decisions that aren't even his to make.

"No alliances, Charles. Not for the economy and not for politics in any way, that's literally the discussion we're here for this week. I'm not in charge of the Netherlands and even if I was, I'm not risking anything for this. We're doing this to secure peace in Europe, okay?"

"But wasn't the entire point of your stupid marriage a deal between the countries?" stings more than it should and Max closes his eyes for a second to focus on keeping his breath even. He's not going to get mad now, that's all Charles wants, it's all Charles ever wants, humiliating him. Max shouldn't have thought that it would ever change.

"Yeah, it was a deal to remain peaceful to keep my father from fucking shit up and accidentally starting a war. The economy thing was just a cover-up and I'm sure you're aware of that. In fact, you probably gossiped viciously about it just to make fun of the fact that some people do have other issues than which one of their cars fits the color of their clothes."

Charles only snorts at that and comes to an abrupt halt when he arrives in front of Max after another round of pacing and there's something dangerous to the fading smugness of his expression. He lifts an eyebrow and says nothing for a while, probably looking for something to destroy Max after not getting his way fast enough.

"Come on, make an exception for me. Your father never cared much about the rules either." Max can't exactly deny that and he senses what Charles is trying to do but Max doesn't give in that easily, he's not shying away from a fight and especially not from a fight with someone like Charles, who only consists of faked smiles, hurtful words, and empty promises.

"I am not my father", he, therefore, replies, holding Charles's intense gaze with his jaw clenched uncomfortably and trembling hands. He tries to stay calm, he tries so hard to keep his anger at bay, not yet releasing the hot waves of fury to drown Charles in them and make him regret being born.

"You surely are just as stubborn though", and Max really wants to punch the smile off of Charles's face now but he doesn't and clenches his fists so hard that his knuckles turn white and his eyes slowly start to sting because he doesn't dare to blink and break first, and Charles continues, dragging out his words and letting them drip onto Max's skin like hot lava.

"In fact, you remind me so much of him. Just", he interrupts himself to laugh and it's such bad acting that Max would have normally stopped caring at this point, but Charles is not done yet, wiping an imaginary tear off his cheek while Max is almost ashamed of the real ones that are threatening to form in his eyes.

"Look at how close you are to exploding just now, for no goddamn reason at all. It's pathetic really, how much you remind me of him."

Max wants to scream, he wants to hurt Charles so badly and the fire that burns underneath his skin is making his blood boil but he can't give him the satisfaction of proving him right, he can't show him how weak he is, how easily he cracks under pressure. Instead, Max pushes himself away from the wall, gathering all his power to say "Fuck you, Charles" before he walks away from the situation, through the hall they're gathered in and right outside onto the balcony. He's escaping way too often by going there, he notices and the cold winter air soothes his burning emotions.

The lava subsides and instead the tears well up and he starts sobbing quietly, he doesn't allow himself to be vulnerable often but Charles has taken his confidence away with just a few skilled moves and Max absolutely hates how easy it was, how easily someone could hurt him, someone like Charles who talks shit all day and Max knows better than to give in to the Monegasque but fuck, it got too much. It hurts, makes Max's stomach churn, and his head spin with nausea.

"Max? Hey, what's wrong?"

He wants to stop crying, wipe his tears away, and be strong. He wants to say "it's nothing, I'm fine" and mean it but he knows it would be a lie and when he turns around and looks into the concerned eyes of his husband he knows that he couldn't lie to him, so he just keeps sobbing and clings to Daniel's shirt when he hugs him in a poor attempt of offering comfort.

They don't say anything for a while and Daniel just holds him and lets him cry, even though he's shivering in the cold night air. He holds Max tightly in his arms and sways him gently until he's calmed down a bit, until the waves of horrible emotions are moving in sync with their bodies and he finally stops sobbing, only sniffling quietly against Daniel's shoulder.

"We should go back inside, you're freezing", he croaks, interrupting the soothing mumbling of Daniel, who presses another soft kiss against his temple before Max lifts his head. He shakes his head and asks Max to tell him what's wrong and when he wipes the tears off of Max's cheeks and holds him even closer afterward, Max feels warmth blooming in his chest.

"I don't deserve you", he says instead of giving Daniel the answer he is looking for and it's true, it's honest and it's been on his mind for so long and saying it feels embarrassing and relieving at the same time. It's true because Daniel is being too nice to him, he cares too much and tries too hard to make him happy and Max really doesn't deserve any of it, he doesn't deserve someone like Daniel.

"Don't say that sweetheart, I'm very lucky to have you. What did Charles do?"

Max takes a deep breath, just thinking of it triggers something inside him again, so he shakes his head and sighs quietly. It's not that he doesn't want to talk about it, in fact, it would probably be good to talk about it, but he's exhausted and it's almost time for dinner.

"I will tell you later, I need some time to digest it all and get a clear view on it so I don't say anything stupid because I'm upset."

Daniel nods, agreeing that Max sounds reasonable and dragging him back inside afterward. He rests his hand on Max's thigh under the table during dinner and it's reassuring and grounding and Max smiles at him for the briefest of seconds before their dessert arrives and Pierre keeps talking about his last vacation. 

It's already past 2 am when they finally get to leave and go to sleep and Max is dead tired when he drops on the mattress and he swears he could fall asleep on the spot, but Daniel urges him to get ready for bed before he dozes off, poking his sides and making him squirm until he's alive enough to move his heavy limbs to the bathroom. He looks horrible in the pale light so he keeps his eyes glued to the sink instead and the thoughts in his head are loud and overwhelming.

Daniel doesn't force him to talk, he just kisses Max's cheek and wraps him up in the blanket instead and Max just really doesn't deserve him. He doesn't say it though, he's too tired to form coherent words and thoughts at that point and all he can do is hold onto Daniel's hand in the dark of their room while he hopes that he will never have to let go again.

"Charles basically said that I'm turning into my father", he sighs against Daniel's chest in the morning after attaching himself to his husband like a limpet and staring into the soft light that's filtering through the curtains that hide them from the world. It's cozy and Max doesn't want to get up yet, so this is the only thing he can think of to prolong it all without actually speaking out his wish.

"Charles is an idiot, you know that. He talks a lot of shit to pass the time. But why did that upset you so much?"

Daniel doesn't know. How could he when Max never really talks to him about the things that occupy his mind at all? Of course, he must suspect things, Max doesn't really try to hide it after all, but he's never asked Max about it and Max never found the right words so they usually tiptoed around it. He yawns quietly and wraps his arm a little tighter around Daniel's stomach and his brain works hard to find a way to finally let it all out. He wants Daniel to know, Daniel should know, they're married after all.

"Growing up... well, I never had the best relationship with him. Surely you know some things about him from earlier meetings or, you know, stories that people pass around. It's not entirely wrong, it's just been worse, actually. I was born into this world of business and everyone was my enemy, I was supposed to be emotionally cold and distant from the day I learned how to talk. I was supposed to be heartless and- I couldn't do it, of course I couldn't, I was a child. But as the rightful heir to the throne, it was my burden to deal with all the pressure all of a sudden. Don't be vulnerable, don't let people in, don't them see the child that you are behind it all and grow up before you even learn how to read. It's been tough, let me put it like that. That's where the entire 'hurt them before they hurt you' comes from", he begins, and it's becoming easier with every sentence, although the pain in his chest is almost unbearable. Daniel doesn't interrupt him once, keeps all his questions to himself, and only strokes Max's hair and kisses the top of his head once in a while when his voice is wavering and anxiety bubbles up. He just listens and it feels so good to have someone who just listens for once.

"I'm just glad he left Victoria out of this. I tried my best to protect her and I know it's stupid, but I was so scared that he would hurt and ruin her too if I didn't please him. It's pretty fucked up. Just- that's why Charles's words upset me so much. I don't want to be like my father, I don't want to be reminded of him when it's not necessary. What Charles said scared me because I'm so anxious about becoming him and it's- I-", he keeps trying, searching for words to express his despair but he chokes on his thoughts that simply don't want to turn into any more letters and syllables and words out loud.

"You're not, Max. I promise you, you're still yourself and you're still the awkward boy I met two years ago, albeit maybe a little more mature. You're still you and you're not turning into anyone else, okay? Don't let Charles tell you that, he only has one brain cell after all, I'm pretty sure. The point is, you're you, you're Max, and who you are is amazing. I'm proud of who you've grown to be over the past years. You're wonderful and kind and emotional in the best way, it's adorable how excited you can get about the things you love and it's good to see how much happier you are now. You're one of the strongest people I've ever met and I honestly think that you couldn't be further away from being like your father."

Max keeps quiet for a few minutes after that, thinking about Daniel's words instead of Charles's now and the warmth it spreads in his chest where anxiety used to occupy the space - it's comforting and once again he realizes that he doesn't deserve Daniel but he decides that he's glad to have him anyway. He realizes a lot at that moment actually and he murmurs his thoughts into existence before he can really stop himself.

"I love you."

His heartbeat speeds up and his eyes widen almost comically when his brain catches up with what he just said and panic creeps up his spine so fast it makes him feel dizzy and-

"I love you", he repeats, louder this time, voice steadier and he means it, he's never meant anything more in his life than this and he's forced into an upright position when Daniel sits up, blinking confused at the words but seemingly not unhappy, why would he be anyway, reaching out to steady Max who really didn't see that coming and still has to adjust to the sudden movement.

"Really?", he asks, just to make sure that he didn't just imagine that and Max swallows down the lump in his throat before he repeats his words one more time and he swears he's never seen Daniel smile brighter than he does at that moment and it makes his stomach tingle. For a minute they just look at each other like that, smiling, happy, content for the first time in a while and Max imagined so many different romantic scenarios better suited for confessions like this one, but somehow it feels right on a quiet Saturday morning and it feels more than right when Daniel whispers the same words against his lips seconds later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come talk to me about this on [Tumblr](https://komkommertijd.tumblr.com/) if you want, I always appreciate your thoughts and additions :)


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some fluff, some necessary talking, and other random things and voilà, you get this chapter. I wanted to finish both of the last chapters (so this one and the next) before posting as to not procrastinate forever because I don't want to let this AU go yet. But we've reached a point at which things will slowly get boring if I continue so it's the right moment to come to an end.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you will enjoy this chapter for now and it's not too disappointing. I'm introducing one last character and I'm putting some of the side pairing content I promised in here. Last but not least I kind of tried to fix the hate I accidentally (it wasn't an accident actually) built against Charles, you will see how it worked out.
> 
> The translations are in the endnote as per usual, I hope they are correct. Other than that, have fun!
> 
> (Also, I don't know whether anyone is interested in my annoying collection of Daniel speaking Italian anymore, but here's [another interview](https://www.instagram.com/tv/CADFubLgsRe/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link))

Max wakes up to the smell of orange juice and coffee wavering through his bedroom and he's still tired, slowly stretching his arms and yawning before he opens his eyes and smiles, the golden rays of the morning sun shining through the open window and warming his face. It doesn't only smell like coffee and orange juice though, the wind carries a gentle breeze through the window that smells like summer and good weather, and Max wants everything to stay just like this forever.

"Good morning sunshine", Daniel sings when he, carefully, dances through the bedroom door with a plate of poorly scrambled eggs for Max in one hand and a plate with something on it that Max doesn't have the brain capacity to remember the name of for himself. He puts them down on the respective nightstands and joins Max underneath the blanket, kissing his cheek with a wide smile still plastered across his face.

"Breakfast in bed? What kind of crime did you commit that made you act nice for once?"

"No crimes besides maybe messing up your egg", Daniel replies, chuckling lowly and ruffling Max's hair, which causes him to huff in annoyance as he tries to escape Daniel's hand. It's not all that easy so he gives up and lets his husband have some fun while he regrets waking up and thinking that life would be kind for once.

"Anyway, we got married two years ago today, right? I just thought it would be nice to reward you for not going crazy and killing either me or yourself yet", he continues when he's done pestering Max, who now realizes what kind of important thing he couldn't remember the night prior and immediately feels bad about it, snuggling closer to the warmth Daniel radiates.

"Thank you, I appreciate it", he mumbles into the soft fabric of Daniel's shirt, smiling when his husband's chest vibrates underneath his forehead when he laughs and Max is back to never wanting this morning to end. It's peaceful and perfect and Daniel is stroking his back with one hand and Max can't get the stupid smile off his face and the butterflies out of his stomach and he listens to Daniel's heartbeat next to his ear.

"I love you so much", he says when he finally manages to lift his head, mirroring the happy expression on his husband's face and he doesn't even feel ashamed of the giggle that escapes him and bubbles in his throat when Daniel kisses his nose before sitting back up and reaching for his plate. Max watches him, the tiredness still looming somewhere in the back of his head and his heart feels so full of love as he watches the way Daniel struggles with balancing the plate and his coffee without spilling anything on the blanket, that it is almost hard to breathe. It is a good kind of overwhelming, the best one Max knows and he's eternally grateful for learning about so many new positive feelings he didn't know existed before.

"Come on, eat your egg before it gets cold. It's already disgusting enough as it is", Daniel chuckles next to him, clearly aware of Max watching him but seemingly not uncomfortable and Max thinks he could get used to this and he's so goddamn excited about getting used to this, about getting used to holding hands with someone and random hugs from behind when he's trying not to mess up dinner in the kitchen. He's excited about getting used to Daniel kissing his forehead when he comes home from some event Max doesn't know much about and falling asleep next to him on the couch when they watch Netflix despite being dead tired and Max can't wait for all those things to feel natural for it already feels so right.

He sits up and reaches for his plate, moving over to lean against Daniel's shoulder once he's got a hold of it and for a while, he just peacefully pokes the wobbly egg around, the clinking of his fork against the plate the only noise between them as Daniel chews his- Max still has no idea what the name of his breakfast is, figures it's not all that important anyway and just enjoys the time they spend together. He can still worry about the name of food later, after all.

Max really doesn't want to go to Monaco but they agreed to participate in a charity event last year so they have to go and pretend to get along with Charles, at least for a few days. Alex shoves him towards the plane and Daniel annoys him until Max has no other choice but to give in and join them for the trip. He can try to avoid Charles or bribe Pierre into distracting him and it'll be fine, he will survive it.

Daniel promises to not leave him alone with Charles, so he wraps his arm around Max's waist when they get out of the car and shake hands with the other guests and his grip tightens when he smiles at Charles. It's almost unnoticeable but Max appreciates the gesture and manages to smile as well. Alex gives him a thumbs up when Charles isn't looking before he gets distracted by someone else arriving, forcing him to do his actual job for once.

Dinner is fine and Max sits next to Nico and listens to him making fun of the other guests in Dutch, causing Lando to lift an eyebrow, visibly judging him and trying not to listen to his monologue while Max snorts and hides behind his water glass. Daniel sits on his other side and he's quietly talking to Sebastian across the table, who looks glad to get a break from his brother. They haven't seen each other for a few weeks but even an hour of Nico's shenanigans is enough to give Seb a headache and well, Charles doesn't really make it better at all either.

"Tue moi s'il te plaît", Esteban groans when he sits down next to Pierre, already reaching for his wine. Charles is really unbearable apparently, but Pierre just laughs, shrugs, gets up, and promises the other guests to talk to him. Max trusts him to fix this and rolls his eyes when Nico tries to make bets about whether they're dating. They successfully ignore it and Daniel is still talking to Sebastian and now Lando joins their conversation. Max leaves them to it and focusses on his Quiche. At least the food doesn't disappoint him.

As per usual, he goes outside after dessert and tries to get a moment of peace to sort his thoughts. It's still warm, it's already June after all, and he leans against the warm stone of the balustrade. The setting sun is warming his face and the sea is quietly filling his ears with soothing noise. It's only when he's not alone anymore that he notices his mistake. 

"Can we talk?", Charles asks and steps next to him, forcing Max to look up and panic bubbles in his chest. It's ridiculous, so he takes a deep breath and nods. He doesn't quite know what to say, he spent the days leading up the event with finding ways to avoid Charles rather than finding things to say to him when he fails with his original plan.

"I want to apologize for what happened in Versailles. I regret being an asshole and I know I said some pretty hurtful things. I was annoyed and frustrated and I shouldn't have let it out on you, it wasn't your fault. Your rejection was just the last straw and I feel like such an idiot. I just- I'm very very sorry, that's all. You don't have to forgive me, but-"

"I don't", Max interrupts him, finally turning to look at him and while it's probably the wrong thing to say and he's supposed to have mercy and just act better than Charles did, he doesn't want to. It doesn't feel right and Charles can't get away with everything he does just because he's Charles. Sorry can't fix everything and especially not Max's emotions.

"Not yet at least. I acknowledge your regret and I think apologizing is the right thing to do, but I can't forgive you just yet. What you said to me still hurts and an apology isn't going to fix it. Maybe we will be fine one day, but not now, not today."

Charles swallows and nods and he does look like he regrets it a little now but Max has made his decision and it's right, at least that's what it feels like to him. So instead of caving and giving in, instead of feeling bad for being mean to golden boy Charles, he turns around and leaves. He tries to look confident when he returns to the hall and he smiles softly when he sits down next to Daniel who reaches for his hand and gently brushes his thumb across the back of it to calm Max down a little. Charles sits back down at the far end of the table five minutes later and he gives Max a weak smile when their eyes meet. He returns the gesture quickly before he joins the ongoing conversation to distract himself.

They will be okay eventually.

"I talked to Charles earlier", he says when they're back in their bedroom and Daniel is busy brushing his teeth in the adjacent bathroom with the door open while Max is changing his clothes to finally. He's just putting on a more comfortable top when Daniel peeks around the corner and he looks surprised, so Max continues to tell him about what happened. It makes him sound really impolite, so he gets quieter with every sentence until he's nervously playing with his hands, sitting on the edge of the mattress and worrying about having been too mean.

He gets up and wraps his arms around Daniel when he returns, needing a moment to calm down and collect himself. He doesn't want to do something wrong, he doesn't want to disappoint his husband. Daniel just holds him close and stays quiet until Max's heartbeat has returned to its natural rhythm and he breathes a little easier.

"It's okay, I'm sorry I wasn't there. And it's fine that you decided to not accept his apology, it was the right thing to do after everything that happened. He doesn' know how much it affected you and an apology can't fix everything. That's like dropping a glass, you know? Saying sorry won't put the shards back together, it can't fix everything. Maybe it's a good lesson for Charles so he learns to understand that he has to be more careful with the things he says. I'm proud of you for standing your ground, you did that very well. Just let it go for now and relax, you can still worry about it tomorrow, don't let it haunt you in your sleep, Maxy."

Max nods and sighs quietly against Daniel's shoulder and for a while they just stand there in silence, in the middle of their bedroom, both following their own thoughts in the comfort of their proximity. They don't need words and it's comfortable to keep quiet for a while, to just exist and not do anything but holding on to each other. It's good and it feels safe and Max notices how the tense feeling in his shoulders eases away with every exhale. 

They share a few kisses that taste like minty toothpaste and Mousse Au Chocolat before bed and when Max falls asleep with his head resting on Daniel's chest and their legs tangled underneath the blanket, he truly feels at home.

"Oh my God. Daniel, come here, you don't want to miss this", Max whispers and pulls his husband away from where he's been talking to Sebastian, smiling amused and trying to suppress a giggle. Daniel looks confused and of course he has no idea what's going on because he's never got to witness the scene that is about to unfold in front of them before. Max is almost excited now, still holding onto Daniel's arm when the door of a car opens at the foot of the stairs and none other than Lewis Hamilton exits, hurrying around the car to open the other door for -

Max gently nudges Daniel and makes him watch the way Alex's eyes widen almost comically when he sees Lewis. Max snorts quietly and mumbles "every single time as if he's some kind of teenager".

\- George. It's always funny seeing Alex's reaction because it never gets old, the way his entire character just changes in a matter of seconds when George is around. It's also funny because even despite apparently dating for a while, he still acts like an idiot and behaves as if it's someone who doesn't know that he has the biggest crush on them. Except George does, which is why he smiles widely when he takes off his sunglasses and walks up the stairs with his guard, Lewis, following behind him.

"Okay, come on, let's leave them alone for a second", Max says before he drags Daniel with him, back inside to join the other guests. Sure, it's fun to see Alex's reaction but Max wants to disappear before the awkwardness of watching his best friend slash employee gushing over his boyfriend who's also one of the heirs to the British throne and God, it's worse than watching Seb and Kimi together. 

"Holy shit, that was- I've never seen Alex like that before", Daniel replies, letting Max drag him around without much resistance and blinking confused at the thing he just watched. He's not supposed to swear at a charity event but it's understandable, so Max doesn't comment on it and just nods. He had to get used to that as well and then he can't keep it inside any longer and laughs at the ridiculousness of it all.

While Alex spends the day making heart eyes at George, the other people gathered in Monaco actually pay attention to the things that are happening. Max finds most of it interesting, some of it a little hard to understand and a few things are a bit too boring for him, but he sits through it all, smiling and clapping and looking interested and he knows that Alex will be pleased with his PR work once he actually paid attention to his job again. 

The only difference is that Max gets it now, how excited Alex is, and how easily it distracts him, how easy it is to forget everything else when George is around. He finally understands and it makes something in his stomach flutter. Daniel looks at him, smiles, and asks something about the presentation they're listening to. Max is happy and God, does it feel good to be happy.

Later that day, when they're having a fancy dinner with music and lots of alcohol, Max watches Alex and George giggling about random things from afar with a fond smile on his face. They do look cute together like that and he's glad that they have each other. It's good to see them happy. He briefly wonders whether someone looks at him and Daniel sometimes and has the same thoughts going through their head.

"They're adorable, right?" Max flinches when Sebastian speaks up, he hasn't noticed him appearing behind him, too focused on Alex and George and his own thoughts. He turns around and nods lightly, there was no way for him to disagree, really.

"I was talking to Daniel earlier and I wondered whether you two would want to come to Germany in summer. You know, like you used to do when you were younger. We could invite your mom and Victoria and maybe Daniel's parents want to come too. I don't know, it's just an idea."

"I'd love that, it's- yeah, it's amazing", he replies, a little overwhelmed with the emotions Sebastian's proposal awakens inside him and he hugs Seb before he can really think about it. They normally don't do that in public, but Seb laughs quietly and pats Max's back. He can feel the tears burning in his eyes as his head already begins to make up scenarios. He's missed the summer weeks in Germany and taking Daniel and his family to experience it, to have Victoria and potentially Nico and Kevin, maybe even Kimi there sounds so great that Max wants to cry and hug Sebastian until the end of time. Somehow, the summer weeks in Germany are a part of who he is, as stupid as it may sound, and sharing that with the people he loves and making memories, good ones and happy ones finally, after years of dealing with memories that left a sour taste in his mouth – it's perfect.

"Danke Seb", he mumbles into the fabric of Sebastian's shirt, still not letting go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You've made it to the end, yay
> 
> Tue moi, s'il te plaît - Kill me please in French (might be wrong though, I haven't had French classes in two months)
> 
> Danke, Seb - Thanks Seb 
> 
> I don't really have much else to explain about this chapter except that the Foundation of Prince Albert II of Monaco kind of inspired the charity thingy, the foundation works together with the foundation my aunt works for (I did my school-required internship there last year and prepared something for a collaboration with Monaco) so it just came to my mind and I needed a reason for Max to talk to Charles so- yeah.
> 
> Have a nice weekend, I'll see you soon with the final chapter :)


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're switching things up for the last chapter.
> 
> "Bitte lassen Sie Ihr Gepäck niemals unbeaufsichtigt" - Please do not leave any bags unattended (in German)
> 
> The song mentioned is [Never Worn White](https://open.spotify.com/track/3ksNHUNCTP6Pan8rjFnmtw?si=orAMdhtMScmDWDihFlY7hg) by Katy Perry
> 
> Feel free to ask should you have any further questions :)

The month leading up to their summer vacation is busy and Max probably reaches the recommended ten thousand steps every day just from running around the Quirinale Palace. Sure, Alex helps him but there's an odd amount of work and things to sign. Especially during summer when everyone likes working even less it's quite unusual for his life to be this busy. His back hurts when he goes to sleep and Daniel sometimes comes into the kitchen late in the evening and rubs his shoulders when he's still reading emails that Alex forwarded him.

He has to fly to the Netherlands in the week before the vacation so they decide it's best just to meet in Germany. Max would prefer sticking to the original plan but ends up rebooking his flight, or well, Alex does it for him, and he hugs Daniel for five minutes at the airport, not wanting to leave and not willing to let go. Alex starts complaining and Daniel tries to detach himself from Max to be reasonable and Max only lets go when Alex threatens him to cancel their vacation if they miss their flight. Daniel kisses his forehead and assures him that everything will be alright and Max wipes his tears away and nods.

It's good to be back home, although Max doesn't quite consider being away as not being home anymore, and it's nice to catch up with his family, to talk about the events of the past months with his mom, mostly just annoying her with stupid things about Daniel, and bantering with his sister and Max suppresses the thought of how nice it feels to feel safe at home for once.

He only realizes how much he has missed the food once they eat dinner together and this reaction appears to be quite amusing to his family, which he doesn't comment on. Alex spends most of the day reading some book and Max leaves him to it, figuring that despite the fact that he will be able to spend the next weeks in England, he deserves a break for putting up with Max's busy life.

"So, how are things with Daniel?", Victoria asks when they're sitting on the couch later with a show playing on Netflix that Max can't bring himself to care about. Victoria selected it without asking for his opinion, so he figures he shouldn't complain if he wants to survive the night. He's been mindlessly playing with his phone, tapping his fingernails against the display, turning it in his hands and hitting it against his knees and he hates how he immediately snaps out of his trance when Victoria mentions his husband. Max shrugs and puts his phone down, it's one step in the right direction.

"There's not much to be said about this, honestly", he replies, trying to sound as indifferent as possible. He's not used to talking about Daniel or their relationship and he's glad that Victoria is still looking at the tv instead of him, he fears he might blush if she would look at him now. He fiddles with his fingers and tries to find words. He doesn't talk about his feeling, especially not romantic feelings, with his sister. It's weird and way too vulnerable and it's not something he should do if he wants to be a real man and – he stops that train of thought before he can panic and bans the words and the voice and it all from his head. Max exhales shakily and starts thinking about the things he could tell Victoria about, a smile making its way onto his face.

"You remember the weird argument after I kissed him at the airport? It took like, not even half a day to resolve it and things have been going pretty good ever since. I told him about- you know, our childhood and he dealt well with that? You know how it is, usually, people freak out and tell me what to do about it and- he didn't do that. He was just there for me instead of advising me to find a therapist to talk to. No one ever let me talk to them about it, he's the first one who didn't try to send me away so he won't have to deal with it if that makes sense."

Victoria actually listens to Max's rambling for almost half an hour, nodding, humming, and even asking questions once in a while. She laughs with him in the end and talking about it all feels way easier than anticipated. There's no nervous stuttering and Max is glad that he can talk about it without feeling judged or ashamed. It feels like he's making some progress and maybe it's not all that bad to be vulnerable and well, honest around his family members. A lot of things are so much easier now, it's almost concerning.

After Max has listened to "Bitte lassen Sie Ihr Gepäck niemals unbeaufsichtigt" for what feels like the hundredth time, they finally get to leave the airport. Max feels bad for the airport staff that has to take care of getting them out of the building without much trouble and tries to be the nicest he can be. Alex is the one usually in charge of organizing those things but he's somewhere in England living his best life so Max follows two personal guards and the staff members to the exit. He's excited to be back in Germany and it brings back his favorite childhood memories.

They arrive a few hours before Daniel and his family and Max spends the time unpacking his things and pacing around the old hallways where he used to chase Nico around. Luckily that's all in the past, he thinks and Nico isn't there yet either. According to Sebastian, he will arrive the next day because there's still some event in Denmark he has to attend before he can drag Kevin away from work.

Victoria rolls her eyes at the way Max bounces down the staircase to the main entrance and Sebastian smiles and shakes his head when he watches Max running down the driveway to hug Daniel, who laughs so loud that Max's ears ring and his face hurts from smiling so much.

"I missed you so much", he mumbles into the fabric of Daniel's shirt and tightens his arms around his husband when he kisses the top of his head and repeats his words. It takes a while until he feels ready to let go of Daniel again and comforts himself with the knowledge that he can hug him for three weeks straight now if he wants to.

Max shows Daniel and his parents around, never letting go of Dan's hand when they walk through the garden. It's sunny outside and warm, it's summer after all, and the winds cards through their hair and makes the leaves of the old apple trees rustle. It smells like the summer Max remembers, like freshly cut grass and the cornfields, the nearby wood, and ripe fruits.

They eat an apple pie later that Seb baked with his mom's old recipe and it tastes just like Max remembers it, sweet but sour with the hand-picked apples from the garden and fresh whipped cream and Daniel laughs next to him and wipes the cream off his nose. Max catches their moms watching them with fond smiles on their face and he slowly notices that it seems to be the default reaction to them acting like lovesick idiots.

Victoria shares her book recommendations with Sebastians, Max's mom sits in the shade of the tree with Daniel's parents and Max figures he really might not want to know what they're talking about, and he's sitting underneath one of the trees with Daniel behind him, leaning against his chest and enjoying the sun shining on his face. Daniel has his arms wrapped around him and his chin hooked over Max's shoulder and he's reading another book and Max has gotten tired of trying to read the words a long time ago. He simply enjoys being close to Daniel and the feeling of safety, the feeling of truly belonging, and being at home.

"Where's my favorite idiot cousin?", Lando yells when he's dragging his luggage, and Carlos up the driveway. Max still questions how so many people fit inside the building and Lando smiles stupidly when he wraps his sweaty self around Max and cuddles him until his cousin threatens to bite him. Things are a bit more reserved with Carlos, who simply smiles and shakes Max's hand before Lando keeps dragging him around.

Nico's and Kevin's arrival is way more relaxed and less headache-inducing and they both hug Max and it really begins to feel like one big family. It's nice to laugh and joke around with them so freely without being forced to look at them as a potential threat and keeping them away from him so they can't hurt him and Max feels normal for entire five minutes until Lando screams when Nico has him in a headlock. Some things never change.

Sebastian has at least five mental breakdowns the day before Kimi arrives and Max wants to laugh but he also understands it somehow, so he tries to calm him down together with Nico, who's obviously not really helping at all, and somehow it works. Forcing him to eat breakfast the next morning is the real challenge and Max exhales heavily when Kimi finally arrives and Sebastian stops being a nervous mess. It feels like taking care of a child but Kimi hugs him and Max accepts that as an apology for Seb's idiocy. As if he's been any better in the past.

He has a video call with Alex, and George obviously, later that evening just to check in on them and to talk a bit about the things that happened over the past days. He's on his own and that's what makes watching them be cute together a lot more annoying. Max hangs up after an hour to leave them alone and stop interrupting their cuddling session, or whatever they were doing before Max called, and goes outside to attend dinner.

Again, it's still warm outside and they're all sitting together at the table. It's noisy and chaotic and they're all arguing and laughing and having fun together and Max knows that this is the definition of home when he just barely catches Daniel's class when he knocks it over with his hand due to his very active gesturing. He thanks Max briefly before he continues discussing something Max knows basically nothing about with Carlos and Kevin and Lando rolls his eyes before he asks Nico to hand him the basket with bread.

"I'm glad to see you this happy honey", his mom says before they go to sleep and Max smiles with tears in his eyes. He doesn't quite know why it makes him this emotional but he hugs his mom tightly and wipes the tears away before he seriously starts crying. At least he doesn't feel weak for his reaction this time and when he exhales and calms down he knows that it's okay to cry.

It's Sunday and the weather is less hot than the days prior but still sunny, with the brightest blue and cleanest tone of white mixing on the sky. Max is trying to pick out a nice shirt to wear because his sister told him to wears something special for some reason she wouldn't tell him, so he's pacing around the bedroom trying to decide what she meant by special. He sighs and drops down on the mattress next to his shirts, staring at the ceiling and hoping that something on there helps him with his decision.

There's a gentle knock on the door and Max sits back up before he allows the intruder to enter and around the door peeks-

"Alex? What are you doing here?"

Alex laughs quietly and closes the door behind him. He looks less tired and exhausted than usual, more at ease but still as cheerful and warm as always. Maybe Max should send him on vacation more often. He walks over and picks the shirts up from the bed, careful to not crumble the fabric between in his hands. Alex furrows his eyebrows and scans the options in silence for a minute while Max still tries to figure out what's going on.

"You should wear this one. It fits the occasion better", he then says instead of answering Max's question and hands him the shirt of choice. It's a plain white one, nothing all too special in Max's opinion, but he puts it on anyway and lets Alex fumble around with his clothes as per usual until he's satisfied with how Max looks. He lifts an eyebrow, trying to get Alex to say what's going on. Alex starts fixing his hair instead.

"You look- well, not worse than usual. Should be fine."

Max rolls his eyes and he doesn't know why but he suddenly feels nervous. It's probably because he still has no idea what's going on and apparently he's the only one in that position. Victoria, Alex, his mom, even Daniel seemed to know something when they talked earlier that Max obviously doesn't. And speaking of Daniel, Max has no idea where he even is after Sebastian dragged him away to talk about something important.

They walk back downstairs together and Alex isn't quite touching Max but it still feels as if he's steering him in the direction they need to go. Max still has no clue after all. He's already reaching for the door handle to go outside into the garden but Alex stops him and peeks through the curtain that covers the window and hums, more to himself than to Max. When he turns back around he's smiling softly and he nods at Max.

"We have to wait. Daniel should be here any minute", is all he gives away and it doesn't help Max in the slightest. He's still so confused and he has no idea what's going to happen. The familiar environment, the place where he's always been safe calms the worry that's building inside him and Alex's presence feels like a promise that nothing bad is going to happen.

When Daniel does show up, Alex excuses himself and escapes through the door and into the garden, and Max wants to follow but Daniel grabs his arm, carefully, before he can get away. Max wants to protest, wants to demand that someone explains to him what's going on but Daniel is oddly calm and that makes it hard for him to complain. He just turns back around and Daniel lets go of his arm, smiling at him with the same soft expression that Alex had on his face earlier.

"You look very handsome today, do you know that?", he asks and manages to startle Max, who shakes his head slightly and feels a faint blush creeping up his neck. Daniel chuckles and takes his hand, gently linking their fingers together and it makes the worry that tightened around Max's chest ease away. They smile at each other and for a while, they stay quiet like that, in the comfortable silence between them. It's never awkward being quiet around Daniel.

"Tell me what's going on", Max demands after another minute of silence and Daniel looks almost annoyingly amused. Max glares at him when he laughs quietly.

"I'm glad I married you, you know."

"Stop dodging the topic!" Max is slowly growing frustrated with everyone around him.

"I'm not, I'm really not. Just let me talk for a second, okay?" He takes a break until Max sighs and nods. He's still holding on to Daniel's hand.

"I'm not lying, I am really glad I made that decision back then. Well, looking back at it anyway. I got so lucky, there's no one else I'd rather spend the rest of my life with than you. I love you, Max, and there's nothing better than being able to call you my husband."

Max opens his mouth to say something, to repeat all those things and there are definitely tears in his eyes threatening to spill soon but Daniel doesn't let him speak, apparently, he's not done with his speech yet.

"However", Max's heart sinks and the worry from earlier bubbles back and turns into panic, "it all feels a bit weird since, you know, we didn't really do that on our terms back then. It feels as if there's something missing. Which is why I talked to Sebastian about it and, well, now we're here."

Daniel is finally done talking but for some reason, his words still don't make sense to Max. Somehow it feels as if there's still something missing, similar to what Daniel just described. Max watches as he carefully opens the door to the garden and then Daniel gently drags him along when he walks through the door.

It's warm and the birds are singing songs in the treetops, it's sunny in the garden where the shade of the trees don't reach the soft green grass and it's a perfect summer day. It smells like the woods, the grass, the fields, apple pies. Max's breath catches in his throat at the sight in front of him and it's really too late to keep the tears back this time. Daniel hugs him tightly and tries to calm him down while Max quietly sobs against his shoulder, overwhelmed by it all.

"It's beautiful", Max whispers and wipes his tears away, laughing and shaking his head, still unable to believe his eyes and Daniel laughs as well, kissing his forehead and stroking his back to comfort him.

"I was worried you might find that lame", he says and Max shakes his head frantically this time, smiling so hard that his cheeks already hurt and he hides his face on Daniel's shoulder, embarrassed about his emotional reaction.

He figures he has every right to react that way. Max has no idea when they managed to decorate the garden, he really didn't take that long to pick out his clothes. He suspects that Carlos and Lando must have put the chairs in place, George probably helped Nico with hanging up the fairy lights when Alex went to look for Max and he imagines Victoria and Kimi arranging the flowers together while Sebastian runs around and criticizes everything the other's do. It makes him smile, the pictures in his head adding up to become the sight in front of him.

His mom finally gets to walk him down the aisle, there's no need to walk alone this time to rebel against anyone after all, and he kisses her cheek and wipes her tears away. He's not the only one who's emotional today it seems. Lando smiles at him from the front row and he holds a laptop in his hand, apparently skyping with Daniel's sister since she can't be there and Alex gives him a thumbs up when he walks past.

"I'm so proud of you", his mom whispers into his ear when she hugs him before sitting down and Max almost cries again when he hears that. Victoria lifts an eyebrow and the "You're not crying right now, are you? Weak", goes unsaid. He remembers her crying at Lando's wedding and simply rolls his eyes, wiping his tears away before he moves over to stand next to Daniel, who wraps one arm around him to calm him down a little. It's the first time that Max feels genuinely okay for being emotional.

"We're here today to celebrate the renewal of the marriage vows of Daniel and Max. On this day, they've chosen to reaffirm their love for each other", Sebastian begins and Max admits that he's doing a great job. Max hasn't prepared any vows, there's no way he could have, and there's also no way he's repeating the very impersonal vows from the last time, but it works anyway and he talks about the past two years, about how they've grown together and about how happy he gets looking back at that time. He talks about the famous airport reunion and their late-night phone calls and it's perfect.

He actually starts crying halfway through it again but he takes a deep breath and continues and suddenly he understands how Lando could get so emotional during his wedding. They exchange rings again and this time Max is determined to actually wear it every day and not just for when there are cameras and media around.

"Well, you may now kiss your husband. I left you waiting long enough", Sebastian finishes and Max's laugh gets caught in his throat when Daniel connects their lips. It's overwhelming and everything about it feels just right and Max really can't stop smiling. It's perfect, in the garden he spent his summers growing up in, underneath the old apple trees that accompanied him and watched his adventures, together with his family. It feels like home.

"I present to you, still as husbands, the Kings of the Kingdom of the Netherlands and righteous successors of the Italian crown, Daniel and Max."

It's a long title, Max notices, but it's fine and their parents are cheering the loudest, which is a miracle with Lando and Nico there, and even Kimi and Kevin hug Max afterward to congratulate him. They're not all that close, but they're part of the family as well and it's good to have them there. George pats his back and Victoria is actually crying when it's her turn. Max kisses her cheek and keeps his remark to himself.

"Now imagine what would have happened if I actually married him for you instead", she mumbles and Max laughs, hugging her a bit tighter. In the end, he's lucky that things turned out that way. It could be a lot worse, he thinks when he looks over to where Daniel is joking around with Nico and Carlos. It makes his heart beat faster in his chest for some reason.

Charles calls to offer his congratulations later and it sounds genuine as if Charles actually cared for what he feels for once. He thanks him quietly and accepts the apology from Monaco before he hangs up to join his family again. It's not the right time to hold a grudge.

They eat Sebastian's apple pie and the Torta Caprese Daniel's mother made and as per usual dinner is a disaster but it's wonderful and Max never wants that summer to end. The air is still warm after the sun set and the crickets fill the night with soft noise. Sebastian turns the fairy lights on and Alex scolds George for dropping the candle he's trying to light and it's a little magical to look at the ocean of lights between the leaves and around the old branches of the trees, lighting up the garden. He successfully ignores the few mosquitos that try to eat his arm and listens to childhood stories his mom talks about. He doesn't protest, it's nice to hear some nice memories from his past for once, and Daniel's mother soon joins in, so that definitely makes up for it.

George and Alex are the first ones to go to sleep, soon followed by Nico, who leaves Kevin to fend with the family on his own. He does well though and Max finds he's nice to talk to when he talks about things he actually cares about. They laugh together and Carlos joins the conversation until Kimi hands a half-asleep Lando over to him. Sebastian turns some music on, on a rather tiny Bluetooth speaker, but it's enough, and Max dances with him and then with his sister and his mom before they go to sleep. He's not a professional when it comes to dancing but it works and they laugh together and have fun and that's all that counts. He dances until he's tired but blissfully happy and he sits back down on one of the chairs, watching fondly as Sebastian drags Kimi with him to dance.

"What's going on in your head?", Daniel asks before he sits down next to Max, instinctively reaching for his hand. Max shrugs, there's not much on his mind, less than usual anyway, and he's just calm and positive for once, without worry and panic in his head, with no reason to overthink. He just feels happy and relieved.

"Not much, what about you?"

"I'm just happy to be here with you." Max smiles and looks down at their hands resting on top of his thigh. He carefully runs his finger across the cool material of the ring on Daniel's hand, almost lost in his thoughts and the smile not yet fading from his face. When he looks back up, Daniel is smiling at him and he kisses Max's forehead when he leans his head against Daniel's shoulder.

"We should dance", he says after watching Sebastian and Kimi for a while, coming to the conclusion that he has danced with basically everyone except for Daniel so far. He's not met with protest, so Max gets up and drags Daniel with him, who laughs at Max's enthusiasm and holds onto him tightly as if he never wants to let go again. That's certainly what Max feels like.

They dance for a good twenty minutes without a break and Max laughs so hard that his stomach is beginning to hurt, his head resting against Daniel's shoulder while they laugh at some stupid joke they just made, still moving along to the rhythm of the music. When Max finally manages to lift his head, they're still smiling stupidly at each other and he wraps his arms around Daniel's neck right when the mood of the music changes.

'Never Worn White' starts playing and the smile on Max's face softens, not quite fading yet. He feels Daniel's arms tighten around his waist and they gently sway to the melody. Max has a hard time blinking his tears away when his mind is empty enough for him to focus on the lyrics of the song, how could anyone judge him really. He remembers the Saturday morning last year in March when they danced through their kitchen, singing to Bohemian Rhapsody. He thinks of their last summer vacation in July the year before, when he pushed Daniel into the pool just for him to drag Max with him. Max remembers the awkward kiss on their first New Year's Eve and the one at Nico's wedding, he remembers sharing Gelato with Daniel in Rome and the traumatic encounter with Daniel's much-hated Hollandse Nieuwe in Amsterdam.

"I love you so much", he whispers in the space between them, barely loud enough for Daniel to hear and it feels relieving to say it, just right. Daniel smiles and for the first time that night, Max sees him biting his lip to keep in the tears that are forming in his eyes, reflecting the soft sparkle of the fairy lights that are still bathing the garden in a soft golden glow.

"I love you too, Maxy. So endlessly much."

It's him this time who closes the gap and he can faintly taste the salty tears on Daniel's lips when he tries to pull him as close as possible in the already only barely-there space between them. His arms are trembling with how tightly he's holding on and his heart feels like it's going to burst in his chest with how full of love it is. Daniel smiles against his lips and Max can't help the half sob, half laugh that escapes him when they break out of their trance and he leans his forehead against Daniel's.

Neither of them says anything, Max doubts that he could find any words in the current situation anyway, and he shuddery exhales and smiles, his eyes still closed and his body fully surrounded by the warmth Daniel radiates.

He never wants that moment to end, never wants to let go of Daniel again and when he murmurs his love confession against Daniel's lips in Italian later and Daniel replies in Dutch, he can't help but tear up again. Happy tears, after everything they've been through.

Max feels nothing but peace and love at that moment. He's so in love and God, does it feel good to be in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are, huh?
> 
> What started out as an oneshot I never planned to continue has become 45k of emotional rollercoasters, drama, and love over the course of the past three months and I couldn't be happier and more grateful for everything that has happened since I started writing this. I am so thankful for all the love and support people have shown me through comments, kudos, mentions, and messages and I appreciated it all so much. Thank you all for making me laugh, for making me think and offering me more stuff for conflicts, for the encouragement, the screaming and crying, and complaining, for letting me hear your thoughts and for becoming an active part of the creation of this story - it truly means the world to me.
> 
> You've finally made it to the end, we all have, and I am so glad that hours of research, writing, plotting, and thinking paid off in the end. I never expected this to blow up the way it did and I still can't believe how many people read it and how much feedback I received. All the kindness and love is very much appreciated. I'm happy that I could finish this project and move people emotionally with it, I can't even put into words how amazing that is.
> 
> So thank you to everyone who read this and took their time for my shenanigans, who commented and left kudos, who recommended the story to their friends and who kept it in their thoughts for the time being. I hope I could give this fic the ending it deserved, thank you for sticking around.
> 
> I'm sad about this story being over now but it's always available to read again in the future - maybe I'll come back to it one day, maybe some of the readers will do so as well, maybe we will all forget about whatever happened here for real. No matter what the future holds, I'm endlessly grateful for everything and I'm glad I could offer you a distraction during the quarantine.
> 
> I will see you again soon with more things and new stories, let's hope I'll recognize some of the readers. But no matter whether you love my stories (which sounds highly unlikely to me) or whether this was a one-time thing, I'm happy I got to entertain you for the time being. Thank you for not giving up on this.
> 
> All the love <3
> 
> (You can find me on [Tumblr](https://komkommertijd.tumblr.com/) if you want to talk to me about this, or anything else, I'd be happy to see you around.)


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